Surprise!!!! After writing frown, taking some time to be sad and angry, and getting a short but sweet pep talk from my friend. I think I wanna write it. Keeping in mind what I mentioned in last weeks post, I think it’s going to be a little different than what I thought I would write. That’s been how this entire series has gone though, so I’m not worried. I’ve been pleasantly surprised by how it’s turned out so far.
How many good things in my life have I missed out on
By not appreciated what I've got
A lot, but a long time a wrote a post where I mentioned how it’s hard to appreciate things you’ve always had. Until recently, I took for granted having my own space in my mom’s basement, it was just part of my life. I didn’t appreciate not having to think about every purchase I made and whether I could afford something or not. Since I moved in with my dad I’ve got 3 drawers and a foot and a half of closet space for my clothes, outside of work clothes and pj’s I’ve got maybe 4-5 summer shirts and 5-6 long-sleeve or hoodies. I never appreciated the variety I had to pick from. I’m so sick of wearing the same things over and over again.
Sometimes it's hard to see your lucky break for what it is
By only focusing on what it's not
I have this bad habit of always raising the bar. It started out if only I could drive my life would be better. Then it was if only I had a real job, I could be proud of myself. If only my blog had a few readers… If only my views were more consistent, I would be successful. If only I could get out of my mom’s house, I’d be better. Now it’s if only I had my own place I could be proud of myself. I never take time to be proud of myself, I just raise the bar in hopes of one day “having my life together”.
[Pre-Chorus Part 1]
But now I'm starting to see
That my happiness has always been up to me
Some days I do see it. We can’t control what happens to us, but we can control our reactions. For example: after my little crisis the other day, I could choose to focus on that or try to move past that and realize that what I was upset about doesn’t define myself or my life. It’s so hard though, but my life doesn’t have to suck if I don’t want it to. It’s good to be sad and it’s good to be angry, but I shouldn’t let those temporary feelings dictate whether my life is good or bad. It’s whatever I decide it will be today, and today I think I’ll stop being angry and sad about things that I can’t change.
[Pre-Chorus Part 2]
And now I'm starting to see
That I've already got what I need
When you reach the point where you can separate yourself from your feelings, you can look at it from a different perspective. I have a few perspectives that I tend to go back to. The ‘It could be worse’ perspective, the ‘look how far I’ve come’ perspective, or the ‘in the grand scheme of life, is this the hill I want to die on?’ perspective. It depends on the situation. It could be worse doesn’t really work because what I’m mad about isn’t necessarily something that could be that much worse. Looking at how far I’ve come might help, but I haven’t come nearly as far as I hoped, and that’s the problem.
The last one I think is my best bet given the situation. Out of all my problems, if this was the worst one, I wouldn’t even be mad about it. My life would have to be pretty great for this trivial matter to be the worst. I talked in the first post about people ruining your life, but problems and events can have the same power if we let them. Is this really the hill I want to die on. Is this really the thing that I’m going to let ruin my life. No, if anything is going to ruin my life, this is definitely near the bottom. I think it’s time to suck it up and move on.
[Chorus]
Today, I'll live like my glass is half full
There's light at the end of the tunnel
There's always a blessing in disguise
Or by your side
And I, I'm on the top of the world
I'm holding my chin up high
'Cause I'm livin' every day
Like it's the best f**kin' day of my life
I don’t think I could live every day like that. Realistically I don’t think any sane person could, but it’s a good reminder to step back and try to look at it from a different perspective. It’s not going to make it easier and it’s not going to make it go away, but it might make it smaller. I have a tendency when something is wrong to project that feeling on my entire life, but an Etsy shop with no traffic or views is hardly a reflection of my entire life as a whole. Just saying out loud sounds even stupider than I already know it was.
It's time to stop with all the judging by comparison
There's always someone who's got so much more
A lot of someone’s actually, somewhere out there though there’s also someone jealous of you. I promise. There are more successful people than me, there are more successful Etsy shops than mine, but there’s nobody else on earth who can be me better than I can. There’s no one on earth who could be you better than you can.
So what's the point of tryna keep up with it anyway?
Just live your life instead of keeping score
[Insert Pre-Chorus & Chorus]
Everyone’s got problems. Let’s not be jealous of other people’s problems just because they seem happy. Maybe I could be happy. Maybe I could be successful. Maybe I already am. The only reason I think I’m not, is because I use other people as a standard of what I think success looks like. If I take other people out of the equation, I’m just a person who tries really hard and has accomplished a lot. That’s something I think I could be proud of. I hope you can be proud of you too.
Every sunset, every wake
Every time I see your face
Moments I appreciate
I won't let them go to waste
If I can be mad that my Etsy shop isn’t doing well then can’t I also be impressed with how well I did at my last event? Why aren’t I? I can be mad that I don’t have my own horse, so why can’t I smile and remember all the time I spent with Melody and Sunshine. Why is it always the bad things I try so hard to hold onto?
Every high and every low
Every path and every road
Every moment, I'll embrace
I won't let them go to waste
I want to challenge myself whenever I think of something negative to think of something positive that has to do with whatever I was thinking about. What’s the point of good memories besides remembering them when life gets hard. When I’m sad they can remind me that I was also happy, when I think I’m failing they can remind me of my successes. When I think life sucks I can remember that it hasn’t always. It won’t make the feelings go away, but if nothing else it reminds us that there is hope.
Today, I'll live like my glass is half full
There's light at the end of the tunnel
There's always a blessing in disguise
Or by your side
And I, I'm on the top of the world
I'm holding my chin up high
'Cause I'm livin' every day
Like it's the best fuckin' day of my life
(Let's go)
I’m not going to feel happy every day, and not every day is going to be a good one, but at the end of the day the question I have to ask myself is this: Am I really going to let this moment or this feeling ruin my life? I’m not going to live every day like it’s the best day of my life, but I hope I can remember that for as bad as a moment might be, there was a moment that was just as good as this was bad. I read once that brains naturally tend to remember and focus on negative things. It’s not always easy to see a bright side. Life is difficult, and that will never change.
What can change is my perspective. There’s a time to scream and cry and be angry, but there’s also a time to remind my brain that this feeling doesn’t define my life. When I feel like a failure, I hope I can also remember the times I wasn’t. When life feels hopeless, I want to remember the time’s I had hope. When life feels meaningless, I hope I can remember the times it was meaningful. Maybe I won’t right away, as I’ve said many times it’s important to let yourself feel and process whatever you’re feeling. When we are done though I hope we can hold our chins up high and live each day like it’s not the worst day of our lives.
Sincerely,
LIBD
