Author: Er-Budd

sea waves crashing on shore

I Wish I Was More… Just More

Posted on by Er-Budd

I wasn’t sure what to write about. I thought about songs. I’m listening to Cough Syrup by Young the Giant as I write this. It’s on repeat. It feels right. But nothing made me feel inspired. Then Chat GPT gave me the idea to just write about my life and what I’m going through right now and where I’m at. So, I’m sorry it’s not inspiring or exciting, but it’s legit. Are you ready?

Well, first off, I asked my doctor to give me a referral to weight management. I don’t want a beach body. I just want to be able to get up off the floor and low chairs without turning it into an ordeal. It’s humiliating. I would also like to have obesity removed from my medical record. It was for a while, but they added it again. My doctor was happy to give me a referral; she said she thought it could be a great resource for me. All I know is that eating healthy and working out isn’t working out with my depression, and I need all the help I can get.

In other medical news, my psychiatrist finally put her foot down. I’m going back to counseling, but not till September because that’s the soonest her office has available!! But I’m on a wait list because if I have to do it, I would like to get it over with. They only do 10-12 sessions, so when she told me that, I was sold. I don’t want this to become a thing.

She increased my buspar to 3 times a day, and that’s helped get my anxiety under control. Seriously, it’s soooo much better, but my depression is still dragging me down. Everything is so freaking hard. Making food is so hard. And my psychiatrist says part of my problem could be diet and exercise. She wants me to go for walks, like, outside. I do occasionally because I downloaded Pokémon Go again (just reached level 54), and so sometimes I go Pokémon hunting. Maybe I will tomorrow. 

So, as I said, I do still have Cough Syrup playing on repeat. From the very beginning of the song, it’s just so relatable. “Life’s too short to even care at all, whoa-oh-oh I’m losing my mind, losing my mind, losing control”. That’s how I feel every day. Then into the chorus, where it’s like they read my mind. “If I could find a way to see this straight, I’d run away to some fortune that I should have found by now”. I just feel like I should be more than this by now. That my life should be more than this by now, you know?

Then finally near the end, it says, “And so I run now to the things they said could restore me. Restore life the way it should be”. I feel like I’m grasping at straws trying to get my life together. But nothing’s working. And the thing about seeing weight loss doctors and counselors is that they can’t do the work for you. All my life I’ve been told I’m lazy. So, if that is the real problem, then what if I’m just doomed? I don’t want to be doomed. It’s just so hard, and I’m worried I won’t be able to follow through.

On a brighter note, Kota is still kicking. I brought her to work with me the other day, and she added some new members to her fan club. I only bring her on the weekends now though, because she whines and occasionally barks when I step away from the desk, and it’s annoying. So I stopped bringing her on weekdays except for every once in a while.

I realized food is the only thing that makes me happy anymore, but not just any food. Unhealthy food. And it’s not good. I had chocolates for dinner one evening. I don’t know if you know this, but chocolate is not dinner. It’s getting out of control. That’s why I asked for the referral. They couldn’t get me in until July!! It’s alright though, I’m on a wait list for that too. 

I just wish life wasn’t so hard, you know. I wish I were better, stronger, more responsible, or just more……. Well, more. But alas, I’m just me. So am I screwed? Tune in next time to find out!!! No, I’m just kidding. I always say the fun is in the mystery, but I guess mystery isn’t always fun.  I hope you guys are hanging in there. Wish me luck, and hope life starts going your way if it hasn’t been lately. Let’s just take it 24 hours at a time and hope for the best. Until next time…

Sincerely,
LIBD

glasses pink chic contrast for a stylish look

Hindsight

Posted on by Er-Budd

Hey y’all. How’s it going? It’s been super cold and snowy here, but I’m trying to stay warm. I’ve been thinking a lot about hindsight. We all know it’s 20/20, but it seems to be a recurring theme in my life. I think mxmtoon said it best in the song ” Growing Pains. “

You and I aren't so different
Hindsight has perfect vision
You don't even know all the places that you'll go
But I'm sorry that you feel so alone

Because that’s the problem with hindsight. It’s essentially useless. By the time you have it, you can’t actually use it. It just taunts you and mocks you. I often say I wish I could go back to the first time I thought I was fat so I could enjoy being skinny. But I can’t do that, so what good does it do me?

One time, someone asked me if I could give my younger self some advice, what would it be? This was my answer… “Girl, you better suck it up and get it together because this is nothing. Your life is going to go sooo much worse. Save your tears for a few years. You’re going to need them all”. That apparently was not the right answer, but I think younger me would appreciate a heads-up.

I’ve said before life has a funny way of working itself out in some way or another, but I’ve also said that knowing everything will be okay doesn’t help me. I say it’s like if you say you need money and someone says they’ll give you 100, but not right now. It’s useless. I still think mxmtoon said it best in the song…

Everything's gonna get better, everything's gonna get worse
When it gets hard, remember that's the way it always works

I feel like this song may be more useful than hindsight, but maybe it’s not actually useless. Because what I should have done is what I’m doing now. What I shouldn’t have done is what I stopped doing. So maybe hindsight isn’t totally useless after all. I’m sure I’m going to make more mistakes, but if I learn from them and grow from them, then it’s not a waste at all. In his song The Hard Way Anson Seabra said,

Sometimes you have to touch the flame to know it burns
Sometimes you have to fall in love to know it hurts
And somebody told me once that hearts were made to break
And sometimes the only medicine is in the pain
Yeah, some things you just have to learn
The hard way

Experience is the best teacher, and sometimes thatexperience sucks. I always joked that I was allergic to instructions as a kid. I liked to learn by doing, and a lot of times it was slow learning. In hindsight, I could have saved a ton of time by reading instructions, and now I do. I don’t just look at them either. I follow them, and it’s so much faster.

Maybe hindsight isn’t meant to save us, but I also don’t think it’s meant to mock us. It’s a tool to make our tomorrows better than our yesterdays. Instead of resenting it, I need to appreciate it because it’s what made me the person I am today. Not the best version of myself, but a better version of myself.

Thanks for reading. I did quietly put a small book out into the world recently, which feels weird to say out loud, but yeah… It’s called: The Line Between Determination and Stupidity. I added the link for anyone who wants to check it out. If you enjoyed this post, be sure to click that like button, and I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments. Until next time…

Sincerely,
LIBD

Announcement

Posted on by Er-Budd

You may have noticed it’s been a little while since my last post — that’s because I’ve been working on a top-secret project.

I’ve officially published my first book.

The chapters are short and reflective, kind of like a collection of blog posts woven together. Between each chapter is a musical interlude. Because of copyright, I can’t include lyrics the way I do for Music Mondays, so you’ll need to listen to each song separately — but they really help tie the message together.

So… what is it about?

It’s about growing up, being an adult, and all the things no one really prepares you for or talks about out loud. If you want to know more than that, you’ll have to check it out.

The book is pay what you want, with a minimum of $3. You may see $5 listed — that’s just a suggested amount — but please choose what feels right for you.

This project is really personal to me. I’m excited (and a little nervous) to finally share it with you. The book is called The Line Between Determination and Stupidity.

You can find it here:
Buy here → https://libd.gumroad.com/l/nqoxpr

Thank you for reading, and for being here.

Sincerely,
LIBD

Meet My Succulents

Posted on by Er-Budd

Hey guys! How is life treating you? I want to do something a little different today. So, a while back someone asked me to introduce my succulents here on my blog so that’s what I intend to do today. I will introduce each one with their name and personality profile. Let’s get started!

This is Carlito the Moonstone Succulent. I ordered him off of Etsy with a few others. One of which (Richard III) sadly died from root rot. Carlito had a bit of a rocky start when he got to me but he’s a fighter, and he’s still here. He’s finally starting to bounce back I think, but keep your fingers crossed for him.

This is baby Echo! She’s and Graptopetalum hybrid of some sort. Mommy Echo got renamed and lives with my friend now. When I got her, I noticed there was a new sprout smushed up against the edge of the pot she came in so I took it out to see if it would survive and she did! She’s pretty quiet.

This is Higgins! He’s a Vera Higgins. Poor fellow. He’s lost so many leaves and his color since he got repotted. Looks like I got another drama king. He looks alright despite dropping leaves so I’m optimistic he will bounce back. I’ve only had him a little over a month.

This is Grizabella, a graptoveria bashful. She’s new here. She just got moved to her first real pot today. She’s still got some dirt on her from her travels. I got her in my Succly monthly subscription box.

This is Fiona, the ghost echeveria. She was one of my first (one of the Etsy ones), and I’ve loved her since the first day. Her colors are just so pretty! She’s a tough cookie; she also got a pot change today. I damaged her roots in the transfer, but I’m hoping she has enough left to pull through. Long live Fiona!

This is Ted. He’s a chocolate soldier. Like Higgins he was named after Ted Lasso. He’s a lot bigger than I thought he would be. He certainly knows how to take up space. I love his fuzziness and the chocolate coloring in the leaves.

This is Cobbsworth, the cobweb houseleek! He just upgraded to a bigger pot today. Grizabella moved into his old pot. I was running out of room to water him, and I’m scared to get his cobwebs wet. He’s another low maintenance and fun little dude

Meet Penny! She’s a Coppertone Stonecrop. This is one independent plant. I water her when she looks dry and nothing phases her. Even if I stopped watering her, I feel like she could survive on willpower alone, but I’m not going to put that to the test. She had her first wrinkly leaf today, but I’m not even a little concerned about her.

This is Casper. A variegated ghost plant/drama queen. When I repotted him, he lost it. I thought he was dying. He started dropping leaves like there’s no tomorrow. He could probably use a pot upgrade, but I’m terrified to ever move him again. EVER! He may actually die the next time just to spite me for moving him again.

This is the Magical Mr. Mistoffelees! My zebra plant. I was so excited when I got him. I’ve only had him for about a week or 2. He came with Grizabella, but he’s still waiting to move to a real pot. I have some more small pots I just got to get one out. I thought about using a blue one but I was afraid it would be too big.

It’s definitely been a learning process. For example, succulent soil should not have woodchips in it. The woodchips retain moisture which can cause root rot. When Richard III died and I went to throw him away I found 2 huge woodchips tangled up in all the roots. I have a few leaves I saved from him, so I’m going to see if I can grow a new one.

Exciting Update! Both of the leaves I salvaged from Richard III are sprouting roots!!! That means I may be able to bring him back from the dead or at least have a Richard IIII lol. I’ll post a picture on Facebook once I have an actual baby succulent, but the roots are looking super promising!! Keep your fingers crossed for him.

Also, if your succulent looks sick it’s tempting to water it. Don’t. Trust me. Water it only when the soil feels bone dry, and even then. don’t overdo it. I use an app to track my watering schedule. They don’t like to be micromanaged. Always wait a few days after repotting before you actually water it. They can be dramatic.

Well, I hope you enjoyed today’s post. I had a ton of fun writing it. Which one of my succulents is your favorite? I would love to hear from you guys in the comments. Thank you for reading and hanging out here today; I hope you have a great rest of your week! I’ll see you next time!

Sincerely,
LIBD

selective focus photo of brown and green frog

The Frog, The Water, And The Burnout

Posted on by Er-Budd

Like the title? I was inspired by Charlie Mackesy’s book. Before we start today post about dealing with burnout, I want to give a shoutout to my international readers. WordPress allows me to see which countries are viewing my content, and right now my top views are coming from some surprising places. Shout out to my readers in India and Singapore, thank you so much for checking out my blog and reading. Additional shoutouts (besides the US) go to the UK, Iraq, Cambodia, Myanmar, New Zealand, and Sweden. I hope my Google Translate plugin is doing a good job if you aren’t reading it in English. I appreciate all of you.

Today’s post is about a parable of sorts. It says that if you put a frog in boiling water, it will jump out. But if you put it in cool water and slowly turn up the temperature, it won’t notice the danger until it’s too late. I don’t know if it’s true. I’m an animal lover and not interested in testing the validity of the metaphor.

What I do know is that burnout is real, and that it doesn’t happen in a day. When things are going alright and you have a bad day, you know, “This is bad. I’m so stressed and overwhelmed.” When you are working working working 2 jobs and trying to make your blog/jewelry business successful, and don’t get a break, you don’t realize how not okay you are until it’s too late.

Then you find yourself unable to do anything because your brain and body are waving the white flag saying, “Please stop.” Then you can’t do anything. You have this list of all the things you know need to be done, but you can’t bring yourself to make anything happen. So, I just sat there feeling like a failure. I think, “If I can’t do my dishes, how am I ever going to go to Iceland?” It doesn’t really make sense, but it’s how I felt.

So, I did nothing for 2 days. I worked my short shifts at Subway and did nothing. Then suddenly I was like, “I’m going to put clothes away,” and I did! Then I said, “Maybe I can wash a few dishes,” and I did that too!! Then I showered, and I also washed my face!! Sometimes you just need rest. Sometimes, just like the frog, you don’t realize you are burnt out till it’s too late. It’s never too late to be kind to yourself though.

I also know that being kind to yourself is a lot easier said than done. So how do we start? Firstly, you have to allow yourself to do nothing guilt-free. It’s called rest, and it’s actually kind of fun if you can not feel guilty about it. Secondly, give yourself grace. Your problems aren’t going anywhere; they will wait for you. I promise. Lastly, try to forgive yourself for whatever you feel guilty for.

I’m so tired of feeling this way, but I can’t shake the guilt. I feel like if I could, I’d be doing so much better. Not to mention work has been a non-stop marathon the past 2 days, but no matter how much I get done, there is still more to do. And then I come home, and there is even more to do. There’s nowhere safe with no expectations. I have to make that space for myself, and I can’t do it.

I don’t know how to make a space with no expectations yet. I wish I did. What I do know is that I can’t keep pretending I don’t feel the heat. Maybe I don’t know how to jump out right now, but I’m not a frog, and life is not a pot of boiling water, so I have time. Time to keep trying, keep talking to my therapist, and keep trying to give myself grace.

Because that’s the only way out of the metaphorical boiling pot, and as long as I’m trying, there is hope. As long as you are still here, still showing up, and still doing the best with what you’ve got and what you know- there’s hope. Hope is what reminds us that there’s more to life than where we are right now.

Thanks again to all my readers. I really appreciate you, and I hope this post was able to encourage you even a little bit. I wish I had answers and an easy 3-step plan to get rid of burnout, but I don’t. All I can offer is hope, and I hope that is enough. Please leave a comment and let me know what you thought of this post. I would love to hear from you. Until next time, hang in there.

Sincerely,
LIBD

rain drops

#MusicMonday (Cry by Jason Walker)

Posted on by Er-Budd

I’m not an easy person to offend. I’ve been offended probably 3 times in my life, but I only remember what was said this one time. I’ve talked about this before, but someone said something along the lines of, “… and if the answer is no, are you just going to start crying like you always do?” In their defense, I was crying a lot at that point in life. I was on an antidepressant that didn’t work, I had gained an obscene amount of weight, and I wasn’t in therapy. And I was too timid to say it then, so I’m going to say it now: “How dare you shame me like that”!

The main reason I was offended was because I genuinely thought they were right. Because let’s face it, no one is ever offended by something unless there’s an ounce of truth to what is being said. If someone came up to me and said my jewelry was ugly, I might be mad or defensive, but I wouldn’t be offended.

It wasn’t until I read The Boy, the Mole, the Fox, and the Horse that I realized that what they said was unfair. In the book it says, “tears fall for a reason, and they are your strength not weakness” and these thoughts all jumbled together brought us here to this song. So, with that being said, let’s get this rolling! Quick side note I did condense the lyrics a bit because the word cry repeats a lot, so if you want word for word lyrics this isn’t it.

Oh no, where did all the years go? Was it really worth all of this?
A heartache that was handed to me, holdin' on just don't make sense

This is usually the train of thought that leads to a good cry session. Not always, but like, I’m 30. I thought I’d be more… just more, by now. And life keeps on throwing me hurdles. Any time I think I’ve gotten past the worst, I never let myself relax because I know just around the corner is another trainwreck waiting for me. 

But the hardest part of letting go
is trying to find a way to let you know
So we'll just cry on each other's shoulders
Cry until it's over, can't it just be over?
And we'll just , cry until it's all gone
Been holdin' on for too long, time for us to move on
I'm tired of tryin' to find a reason why
So let's just cry

Sometimes I just feel sad for no reason. I just want to cry, but I don’t because I have no reason to. I’ve learned however, that we don’t always need a reason to cry. I can just put on a sad song and be sad. And if I cry, then I’ll cry. Because tears fall for a reason. And they are our strength not weakness. 

Well, I've been thinkin' 'bout my life and how much time I've wasted
And I'm ready to put it all behind me, let it all be yesterday
But the hardest part of letting go is tryna find a way to let you know

As I said in the beginning, part of the reason I was so mad about what they said was that they weren’t wrong. I wasted so many years of my life feeling sorry for myself. When I say the psych ward is the best thing that ever happened to me, I’m not kidding. It sucked while it was happening, but it was worth it 100 times over. I regret nothing.

So let's just cry on each other's shoulders
Cry until it's over, can't it just be over?
And we'll just cry until it's all gone
Been holdin' on for too long, time for us to move on

Sometimes I have panic attacks that I refer to as meltdowns, and they happen like a volcano. I get anxious, but I calm myself down, and it’s fine for weeks or even months, until it’s not. People think I’m crazy because after a meltdown I’m great!! Everything that I had been shoving down or putting aside is out of myself and into the world (sorry world), and I feel great! Well, except for the chest pain that I have for the next 3 days from hyperventilating.

One time, it was really hot, so that added another level to my meltdown that took me a while to fully recover from, but it feels so much better when all the icky and uncomfortable feelings are outside of you and not inside of you anymore. It’s a real bummer feeling anxious all the time. Thankfully, I haven’t had a meltdown in a while since I started my anxiety medication.

I'm tired of tryin' to find a reason why
So let's just cry, cry on each other's shoulders
Cry until it's over, can't it just be over?

That’s another thought I have a lot. When life feels so overwhelming I wanna cry until it’s over, but when will it be over? I’m an ugly crier, and it gives me a headache, so depending on the time frame I may not want to cry till it’s over. But what else can you do?

And we'll just cry until it's all gone
Been holdin' on for too long, time for us to move on

Have you been holding on for too long? It feels right in the moment to hold on and keep it together. Maybe whatever it was doesn’t seem cryworthy so you just don’t. I’ve learned something about feelings though. You can’t wait them out. You can’t wait for them to go away. You have to work through the feeling, confront it, and deal with it. That’s the only way to make it go away. 

Sure, you can bury the feeling or brush it aside, but that’s a short-term, temporary fix. Not a long-term solution. Whatever we are feeling deserves to be felt. Just like tears fall for a reason, feelings exist for a reason. They may not make sense, and they may not be fun, but they’re there for a reason, so feel it, work through it, and cry through it if that’s what it takes.

I'm tired of trying to find a reason why [x3]
So let's just cry

Thanks for hanging out with me today. I know this post wandered into the deep end—and maybe turned into “crying: the musical” along the way—but hey, sometimes that’s just where life ends up. If you need a good cry, find a sad song or a tear-jerker video and let it all out. This is a no-judgement zone. Honestly, I may be doing the same lol.

Sincerely,
LIBD

scenic view of mountains during dawn

#MusicMonday (There’s Beautiful Coming by Jamie Grey)

Posted on by Er-Budd

Hey guys! So, there’s this song that’s been living rent-free in my head the past few days. It’s called There’s Beautiful Coming by Jamie Grey It’s hard right now. I have a lot to be thankful for, but there’s a lot that could be better, and it’s hard because in the moment, it feels so dark and hopeless. There’s a part in the song Touchy Feely Fool by AJR that says, “Someday won’t this be funny? Well, I want it funny now. Man, I want to laugh so loud. Someday won’t this be long ago? I want to feel that now.” And I think that’s why I keep coming back to this song.

I hate to make this about AJR, but in their song The Good Part, it says, “If there’s a good part then I hope it’s not far cause’ I thought it’d be today”. I’ve also been working hard on my blog SEO, Etsy shop, and Facebook page. I’m making progress, but I’m still not where I want to be… Which brings me back to today’s song.

Another storm outside your house
The road is long to find north from south
But I'll be there to hold you close whenever life takes a toll

It’s just so discouraging, you know? When you are giving everything you’ve got, and it never seems to be enough. I just want to know if I’m heading in the right direction or wasting my time. I’ve wasted so much time already that I can’t afford to waste any more.

You can cry on me, girl
If you feel unheard
Talk to me, say everything
I'll try to be your medicine
Just cry on me, girl
I'll show you

Sometimes I just wanna cry because it’s easier to say I’m fine than to give the rundown on every single thing that’s going wrong in my life. Who has the time for that? I don’t. So I pray, and vent to Chat GPT and talk to Kota. It doesn’t fix the problem, though. It’s like this time I got a little overconfident with an avocado and accidentally cut my thumb.

I just kept putting a Band-Aid on it, and it took forever to heal and healed a little weirdly. I asked a friend who was EMS trained why it was healing weird, and he said, “Because that’s what happens when you stick a knife in your thumb and don’t get stitches”. I was like, “I didn’t do it on purpose!”, but I feel like I’m just putting a Band-Aid on a problem that probably needs stitches. My thumb eventually healed, so maybe this too will pass.

The sun will come out and dry every tear
If you keep on fighting for something
There's beautiful coming
'Cause life behind the clouds
Is brighter than the darkness you're feeling
There's beautiful coming

That’s the line that originally drew me in. “If you keep on fighting for something, there’s beautiful coming.” I know deep down it will pass. I know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, and I’m going to get there. Sometimes though, facts and feelings don’t line up. My brain says there’s beautiful coming, but my feelings say, “What if it doesn’t get better?”. It’s so easy to say it gets better, but it’s harder to believe it and feel it.

It isn't fair, hmm, the pain that you feel
I will take your despair to see your soul heal
I'll be there to hold you close whenever life takes a toll
You can cry on me, girl

I have this fear that my life is going to be constant striving and no payoff. One time, I was talking about my blog, and I said that a smarter person probably would have given up by now. Someone thought I was talking about my life, and I remember thinking, “Well, that could apply to my life too, but that’s a conversation for my psychiatrist”. Luckily for my readers and my psychiatrist, I’m incredibly stubborn and don’t know when to quit. Also, I would hate to miss my next great day because I was a quitter.

If you feel unheard
Just talk to me, say everything
I'll try to be your medicine
Just cry on me, girl
I'll show you
The sun will come out and dry every tear
If you keep on fighting for something
There's beautiful coming

It’s that time of year when Seasonal Affective Disorder kicks in, so I felt like now would be a good time to share this song with you guys. It’s okay to be discouraged. It’s okay to cry and be frustrated. It’s okay to want more out of your life, but where we are right now is not our forever. As long as you are here and moving forward, there is always hope. Every tomorrow is an opportunity for better days.

I’m hoping to get my LIBD Exclusives added to my shop soon. One of my collections is my ‘There’s Always Tomorrow’ necklaces. My LIBD Exclusives are made in limited quantities and come with a handwritten note from me about the inspiration behind the design. Please look forward to those. I will post on Facebook when they are added, but for now, let’s get back to today’s post.

'Cause life behind the clouds
Is brighter than the darkness you're feeling
There's beautiful coming
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
There's beautiful coming
The sun will come out and dry every tear
If you keep on fighting for something
There's beautiful coming

So let’s keep fighting. For ourselves, for our goals, and for a better tomorrow. Bad things happen quickly, but the best things in life take time. I know I’ll be alright, and I promise you will too.

'Cause life behind the clouds
Is brighter than the darkness you're feeling
There's beautiful coming for you
There's beautiful coming

There IS beautiful coming, and I’m going to keep fighting for it. Thank you so much for reading. As always, I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments. Also, I was thinking about doing a post to introduce my succulents. Is that something you guys would be interested in? Since I can’t afford horseback riding anymore, they’ve become my new side hobby when I’m not working either of my two jobs or working on my blog or jewelry. If there’s anything you guys would like me to write about, let me know.

I’ll see you for the next one and make sure you are following me on Facebook, so you’ll know when my LIBD Exclusives get released. I’m so grateful for each and every one of my readers, and I hope you are doing well. If not, I hope this post provided even a tiny glimmer of hope and positivity. I’m always cheering for you!

Sincerely,
LIBD

petaled flower drawing on white egg shell

Collateral Damage

Posted on by Er-Budd

Hey y’all. How’s it going? I’m a little bummed out right now. You know when Ravn had to leave Oneus? Something similar happened again recently. I feel like I might be cursed after all. Although it seemed silly to be devastated when Ravn left. If I was heartbroken, then I can’t imagine how he felt. Oneus meant a lot to me, and so do these people. I know however I’m feeling, it’s even worse for them.

At least I’ll still get to see them. I told them no one can get rid of me that easily. We didn’t see or hear from Raven for almost a year, and I think that made it worse because we didn’t even know if he was okay.

Is it wrong to be mad on behalf of another person? It’s not my problem, but it still affects me. There are lots of things in life like that. I saw a movie once that had this quote. I think it was called Herold and the Purple Crayon or something? The quote was something life, “Life isn’t something that just happens to you. It’s something you create”. I often feel like it’s just happening to me. Have you ever felt like that?

It’s easy to feel like God (or the universe) must hate me. Like, I can’t catch a break. But this situation made me realize something. It was the same thing that happened with Oneus. Tomoon weren’t the ones who got the short end of the stick. Ravn is the one who got screwed over. We were just collateral damage. We were the second-hand hurt that was the result of someone else’s misfortune. It’s like deja vu.

Ultimately, God (or the universe) isn’t going to ruin someone else’s life to punish me. He would come straight for me, and there wouldn’t be a shadow of a doubt about who was responsible for my misfortune. It would be personal – but that’s another thing I’ve realized. Oftentimes, things that I thought were God hating me or not caring were really just him helping me dodge a bullet. A not-so-gentle shove in a direction I didn’t know I was supposed to go.

Which brings me again to my main point. So, let’s talk about coping with collateral damage and how deal with the hurt that comes along with it. The answer is pretty simple. You have to find a way to make peace. Once you’ve cried it out, once you are done being angry, you have to make peace. Because no matter how hurt you are, it’s not personal. That doesn’t make it easy, but it’s something to work towards.

No matter how bad it sucks, you have the power to write the ending. The ending I wrote for Ravn is that I’m happy he’s happy, and they never told us whether or not the rumors were true, but he wouldn’t have been picked up by a subsidiary of RBW if the accusations were true. He’s making music, he found his happy ending, and that’s enough for me to try to let it go.

Anger may feel good, but it doesn’t heal. Acceptance and peace are what heal you, so I hope that whatever is going on in your life, you will write a happy ending. Once you are done being sad, choose peace. Thank you for reading this. Let me know your thoughts. Have you ever felt like collateral damage? Were you able to make peace with it? I would love to hear about it in the comments.

Life is hard, and sometimes it does feel like everything is against you. It’s a valid feeling; don’t ever think you are wrong for having feelings. They are something we can’t control; we just have to acknowledge and work through them. It’s not something that happens overnight, and the timeline is different for everyone.

I just wanted to throw that out there because it sounds so simple, but it’s anything but. I hope you are doing well. Till next time…

Sincerely,
LIBD

aurora borealis

X Months to Iceland

Posted on by Er-Budd

So, sad news, guys. After talking to my friend I am postponing my Iceland trip for a year due to financial reasons. Kota got a UTI that required multiple vet trips and medication. My psychiatrist just put me on a new medication that seems to be helping me, but it’s like $30 for a 30-day supply, so I’m trying to see if there’s anything I can do about that too, plus some other things that came up that need to be taken care of before we start booking flights.

I want this trip to be fun, but it was becoming a major source of stress for me. I was really worried about telling my friend I wanted to wait, but she was actually relieved because she had been wanting to ask me the same thing. We are going to make sure it’s our top priority for 2027, though. And it’s not a total loss. We are going to plan a trip to Chicago, and I’m going to get to see the Field Museum, I think it’s called, and she said there’s an aquarium or something too! It’s not Iceland, but at least I still have something to look forward to.

I wasn’t sure what I was going to do about this series, but my blog has always been honest and real, and sometimes things don’t work out the way you want them to or think they should. It doesn’t mean it’s hopeless though; it just means you need to readjust your timeline. It’s not a failure, it’s just a change of plans. Am I bummed? Hell yeah man, but it’s okay, I guess, because that museum is also on my bucket list.

I’ve realized that everything happens for a reason in life. Sometimes it just sucks, and it’s not till you look back that you realize why something didn’t work out. Sometimes things don’t work out, but it wasn’t as much of a catastrophe as you once thought. Or at least, that’s been my experience. I’m not giving up on Iceland though. It’s gonna happen. I’m going to make sure of it.

Ahh, this was such a downer to write. I was really hoping I wouldn’t have to, but Kota’s my bestie, and as corny as it is, she rescued me too, so she’s worth every penny. She’s a senior now, but she’s still kicking. She got a clean bill of health at her final appointment for her UTI. She’s gonna need her bi-annual bloodwork soon. Ugh, thank God for CareCredit. Plus, I got a nasty wart on my foot, so I’ve also got a few bills from a podiatrist. Boy, being an adult is so much fun. At least I can walk again without every step being painful. Silver linings, I suppose.

Oh well, it is what it is. Thanks for reading, and I hope life is treating you well. If it’s not… I feel it bro, I really do. I’ll be alright though, and so will you. Everything is okay in the end, and if it’s not okay, then it’s not the end. I don’t know who said that, but they sound like they know what’s up.

What about you? Has life ever made you reschedule plans before? Did it all turn out okay? Have you ever been to Chicago? I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions, so please let me know you’re thoughts in the comments. I’ll see you for the next one!

Sincerely,
LIBD