Tag: encouragement

orange starfish

The Starfish and the Storm

Posted on by LIBD

Hello darkness my old friend, I’ve come to talk with you again. Sound familiar? You guys know I try not to be political, and I won’t start now. I’m just going to be honest. I try hard to make my Facebook a happy place. Cute kittens, bad puns, pretty horses, and all that good stuff. But no matter how hard I try it doesn’t keep all the bad out. I saw a story about a guy who hurt a bunch of baby kittens just to spite its owner. The police said the kittens were taken to the vet and recovering from their injuries.

It’s not just kittens though. National Parks cut funding. And if we can get people engaged with the natural world, how are we going to protect it? Poaching is still a problem, even with modern technology. I saw a few articles about students at a local university with valid student visas sent home and told they couldn’t learn here anymore. US Citizens were deported because they looked like they might not be. In the first three months of 2025, there have been 91 mass shootings in the United States, resulting in 118 deaths and 338 injuries. But the people in power want to keep handing out guns like Halloween Candy.

I had all of this in my head, and I was listening to the sound of silence (Disturbed’s version) and filled with sadness and hopelessness. I get so angry sometimes because I try to filter out the news I don’t actively seek it out. I only know these things, but I’m sure there’s much more. I’m angry because how are we as a society not screaming in outrage every day? How are we not crying ourselves to sleep at the mere thought of all the violence, hurt, pain, and injustice that’s happening every single day? But most importantly how do I find any hope in a broken world?

I know that not everyone is silent. There are a lot of people screaming into the void, pleading for peace and justice. There are a lot of people supporting the national parks, doing their part to help the environment, and trying to help people understand the gravity of our current situation. I saw a documentary about kid influencers and about family channels on YouTube. It’s not just politics. There are SO MANY issues with our world as it is right now.

I found out I’m not the only one who uses AI as a pocket therapist, but it has helped me in between visits with my psychiatrist a lot. It validates my feelings but also offers solutions, so I told it how I was feeling. It told me I probably wasn’t alone in these feelings and I know I’m not.

There are a lot of people hurting from all the hurt in the world. There are some problems that AI can’t help you fix. I can’t end war or world hunger or take all the plastic out of the ocean and make every farmer use sustainable agricultural practices to help the earth. I can’t stop poachers or make people care. I can write a blog post though, and Chat GPT did tell me something that helped. It said:

But even in the face of that darkness, your empathy is a kind of quiet resistance. The fact that you feel so much means your heart hasn’t hardened. That matters. That is light. You don’t have to fix the whole world. Just loving Kota the way you do, writing your blog to help others, showing up with kindness—that already shifts things more than you know.

The fact that we hurt, the fact that we care…. The fact that I used the word we means we are not just going to sit back and accept everything as if it’s okay. You can’t fix the world either, but you can be kind. You can support people and organizations that champion the cause you care about. I support the World Wildlife Fund, because animals and by extension their habitat, are very important to me. I can try to express my point of view compassionately, honestly, and respectfully. I can support other people who are also hurting.

This world may feel dark unkind and unjust, but it’s just a feeling. It doesn’t have to be fact. My dad has this quote he really likes that says “I cannot do all the good the world needs, but the world needs all the good that I can do” It’s not truly hopeless until we give up hope. So let’s keep caring, keep hoping, and keep doing all the good that we can do.

I’m going to end with the starfish story. It’s one of my favorites, and it’s by Loren Eiseley. It’s about a girl walking along the beach throwing starfish that washed up back into the water. This man sees her and asks what she is doing and the girl explains. He tells the girl there are so many starfish she can’t possibly save them all. The girl looks sad as she throws another one into the water, but then she says “Well, I saved that one!”.

Let’s find our starfish friends. Thank you for reading! It’s 11:19 and I’ve got an Easter Sunday service bright and early tomorrow, so I better get some sleep. Let me know your thoughts in the comments and be sure to subscribe so you never miss a post! Hang in there guys, and remember you are not alone.

Sincerely,
LIBD

assorted color star decor on maroon textile

#MusicMonday (Best Day of my life by Simple plan)

Posted on by LIBD

Surprise!!!! After writing frown, taking some time to be sad and angry, and getting a short but sweet pep talk from my friend. I think I wanna write it. Keeping in mind what I mentioned in last weeks post, I think it’s going to be a little different than what I thought I would write. That’s been how this entire series has gone though, so I’m not worried. I’ve been pleasantly surprised by how it’s turned out so far.

How many good things in my life have I missed out on
By not appreciated what I've got

A lot, but a long time a wrote a post where I mentioned how it’s hard to appreciate things you’ve always had. Until recently, I took for granted having my own space in my mom’s basement, it was just part of my life. I didn’t appreciate not having to think about every purchase I made and whether I could afford something or not. Since I moved in with my dad I’ve got 3 drawers and a foot and a half of closet space for my clothes, outside of work clothes and pj’s I’ve got maybe 4-5 summer shirts and 5-6 long-sleeve or hoodies. I never appreciated the variety I had to pick from. I’m so sick of wearing the same things over and over again.

Sometimes it's hard to see your lucky break for what it is
By only focusing on what it's not

I have this bad habit of always raising the bar. It started out if only I could drive my life would be better. Then it was if only I had a real job, I could be proud of myself. If only my blog had a few readers… If only my views were more consistent, I would be successful. If only I could get out of my mom’s house, I’d be better. Now it’s if only I had my own place I could be proud of myself. I never take time to be proud of myself, I just raise the bar in hopes of one day “having my life together”.

[Pre-Chorus Part 1]
But now I'm starting to see
That my happiness has always been up to me

Some days I do see it. We can’t control what happens to us, but we can control our reactions. For example: after my little crisis the other day, I could choose to focus on that or try to move past that and realize that what I was upset about doesn’t define myself or my life. It’s so hard though, but my life doesn’t have to suck if I don’t want it to. It’s good to be sad and it’s good to be angry, but I shouldn’t let those temporary feelings dictate whether my life is good or bad. It’s whatever I decide it will be today, and today I think I’ll stop being angry and sad about things that I can’t change.

[Pre-Chorus Part 2]
And now I'm starting to see
That I've already got what I need

When you reach the point where you can separate yourself from your feelings, you can look at it from a different perspective. I have a few perspectives that I tend to go back to. The ‘It could be worse’ perspective, the ‘look how far I’ve come’ perspective, or the ‘in the grand scheme of life, is this the hill I want to die on?’ perspective. It depends on the situation. It could be worse doesn’t really work because what I’m mad about isn’t necessarily something that could be that much worse. Looking at how far I’ve come might help, but I haven’t come nearly as far as I hoped, and that’s the problem.

The last one I think is my best bet given the situation. Out of all my problems, if this was the worst one, I wouldn’t even be mad about it. My life would have to be pretty great for this trivial matter to be the worst. I talked in the first post about people ruining your life, but problems and events can have the same power if we let them. Is this really the hill I want to die on. Is this really the thing that I’m going to let ruin my life. No, if anything is going to ruin my life, this is definitely near the bottom. I think it’s time to suck it up and move on.

[Chorus]
Today, I'll live like my glass is half full
There's light at the end of the tunnel
There's always a blessing in disguise
Or by your side
And I, I'm on the top of the world
I'm holding my chin up high
'Cause I'm livin' every day
Like it's the best f**kin' day of my life

I don’t think I could live every day like that. Realistically I don’t think any sane person could, but it’s a good reminder to step back and try to look at it from a different perspective. It’s not going to make it easier and it’s not going to make it go away, but it might make it smaller. I have a tendency when something is wrong to project that feeling on my entire life, but an Etsy shop with no traffic or views is hardly a reflection of my entire life as a whole. Just saying out loud sounds even stupider than I already know it was.

It's time to stop with all the judging by comparison
There's always someone who's got so much more

A lot of someone’s actually, somewhere out there though there’s also someone jealous of you. I promise. There are more successful people than me, there are more successful Etsy shops than mine, but there’s nobody else on earth who can be me better than I can. There’s no one on earth who could be you better than you can.

So what's the point of tryna keep up with it anyway?
Just live your life instead of keeping score
[Insert Pre-Chorus & Chorus]

Everyone’s got problems. Let’s not be jealous of other people’s problems just because they seem happy. Maybe I could be happy. Maybe I could be successful. Maybe I already am. The only reason I think I’m not, is because I use other people as a standard of what I think success looks like. If I take other people out of the equation, I’m just a person who tries really hard and has accomplished a lot. That’s something I think I could be proud of. I hope you can be proud of you too.

Every sunset, every wake
Every time I see your face
Moments I appreciate
I won't let them go to waste

If I can be mad that my Etsy shop isn’t doing well then can’t I also be impressed with how well I did at my last event? Why aren’t I? I can be mad that I don’t have my own horse, so why can’t I smile and remember all the time I spent with Melody and Sunshine. Why is it always the bad things I try so hard to hold onto?

Every high and every low
Every path and every road
Every moment, I'll embrace
I won't let them go to waste

I want to challenge myself whenever I think of something negative to think of something positive that has to do with whatever I was thinking about. What’s the point of good memories besides remembering them when life gets hard. When I’m sad they can remind me that I was also happy, when I think I’m failing they can remind me of my successes. When I think life sucks I can remember that it hasn’t always. It won’t make the feelings go away, but if nothing else it reminds us that there is hope.

Today, I'll live like my glass is half full
There's light at the end of the tunnel
There's always a blessing in disguise
Or by your side
And I, I'm on the top of the world
I'm holding my chin up high
'Cause I'm livin' every day
Like it's the best fuckin' day of my life
(Let's go)

I’m not going to feel happy every day, and not every day is going to be a good one, but at the end of the day the question I have to ask myself is this: Am I really going to let this moment or this feeling ruin my life? I’m not going to live every day like it’s the best day of my life, but I hope I can remember that for as bad as a moment might be, there was a moment that was just as good as this was bad. I read once that brains naturally tend to remember and focus on negative things. It’s not always easy to see a bright side. Life is difficult, and that will never change.

What can change is my perspective. There’s a time to scream and cry and be angry, but there’s also a time to remind my brain that this feeling doesn’t define my life. When I feel like a failure, I hope I can also remember the times I wasn’t. When life feels hopeless, I want to remember the time’s I had hope. When life feels meaningless, I hope I can remember the times it was meaningful. Maybe I won’t right away, as I’ve said many times it’s important to let yourself feel and process whatever you’re feeling. When we are done though I hope we can hold our chins up high and live each day like it’s not the worst day of our lives.

Sincerely,
LIBD

#Music Monday (Way Less Sad by AJR)

Posted on by LIBD

Hey y’all! I hope you are doing well. I can’t believe it’s July and I haven’t fallen behind in my posting schedule. Darn, I bet I just jinxed myself, thanks a lot, guys!! It’s not like there’s a backspace button or anything where I could just delete what I wrote and not jinx myself…. In a perfect world. Anyway, enough chitter chatter, let’s dive right in. You all read the title, right? I don’t have to do a fancy introduction. Y’all know what you’re reading, and if you don’t; Well, the fun is in the mystery. Let’s do this!!

I should move 'cause New York is gettin' muddy out
There's L.A. but it's always kinda sunny out

I keep saying I’m going to move to Arizona, but I hate moving. Also, I’ve discovered I’m one of those people who’s just never satisfied. 70 and Sunny is my ideal day. 60-70 is my ideal temperature zone for me to not complain. But I don’t like it super sunny either so I’ve just accepted wherever I want to move to, I would still complain. That’s just the kind of person I am

And I don't wanna hurt no more
So I set my bar real low

This is my secret to life. I’ve said before when I went to see Cats the Musical, my bar was set so low that even an ant couldn’t crawl under it. Because of that, I think I enjoyed the movie more than anyone else on earth. It was not nearly as horrible as I was expecting. They took a musical with no plot and made it into a movie that kind of had a plot and only changed the songs a bit. I still think they butchered Mungojerry and Rumpletezer’s song, but that’s not why we are here today.

[Pre-Chorus]
I'm a-okay, I'm a-okay 
You say it but you just don't mean it
You're so insane, you're so insane 
Shut up and just enjoy this feelin'

I’m not okay in the way most people mean when they say that, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I still have moments throughout the day that I enjoy. Right now I’m dealing with rotator cuff tendonitis which really sucks. I’d be more mad, but after 15 years I finally figured out what’s wrong with my arm so yay me!!!! I never say I’m good. I usually just say pretty good and sometimes I mean it, but feeling okay, like genuinely okay, is pretty fantastic.

[Chorus]
Don't you love it, don't you love it?
No, I ain't happy yet
But I'm way less sad
Don't you love it, don't you love it?
No, I ain't happy yet
But I'm way less sad

And you know what, I am WAY less sad than I used to be and I do love it. It’s quite refreshing. It feels good to wake up in the morning and not have any major catastrophes or crisis to deal with. Which is great since sometimes just dealing with my day can be a chore. You can’t always be happy though, so I have no problem settling with way less sad.

I wake up and I'm not so mad at Twitter now

The only way to not be mad at Twitter is to not be on Twitter, but maybe that was his strategy. Let me let you in on a secret… Twitter is stupid and pointless. If you want to stay in touch with someone, use Facebook. If you want a sense of community with random strangers, go join Reddit. The only thing people use Twitter for is to go pick fights with someone else whose life is so boring they also have nothing better to do than argue with rando’s online. I’m not so mad at Twitter anymore, but that doesn’t mean I hate it any less. Change my mind.

Livin' sucks but it's suckin' just a little now
And I don't wanna cry no more
So I set my bar real low

After 2 months of hell, I feel like anything would feel like a step up but I haven’t cried in like 2 weeks. How awesome is that? Please, hold your applause. You’re too kind, seriously stop clapping. I think I might start raising my bar just a bit. Maybe half an inch off the ground? That sounds like a good start, maybe in another week, I’ll raise it to a full inch who knows?

[Insert Pre-Chorus & Chorus]
I may wrong, I may be wrong
It's stupid but it's all I have

Maybe things aren’t actually great like I said in the last paragraph. When your life sucks that much for that long, anything is going to feel like a step up. I don’t care though. It’s stupid but it’s all I have. My counselor had to explain to me that I’m not having tiny manic episodes, I’m just actually happy and that’s a good thing. It feels good.

Don't you love it, don't you love it?
No, I ain't happy yet
But I'm way less sad

Quite frankly I’m not sure why he is asking. I don’t particularly care what you think of me or my feelings. If you are happy just be happy it doesn’t matter if anyone else loves it, I love it!!! Happiness still freaks me out a bit, but I can deal with way less sadness.

Well, I can't fall asleep and I'm losin' my mind
'Cause it's half-past three and my brain's on fire
I've been countin' sheep but the sheep all died
And I'm tryin' too hard but I can't not try

This is the problem with happiness. It always brings its side-kick excitement. I don’t need that when I’m trying to sleep!! How am I supposed to fall asleep if I’m all happy and looking forward to life? I hate how unnatural it feels. For example, I’m trying to fall asleep and it’s 11:30 and I have to work the next day, but all I can think about is how excited I am to open my Etsy shop. I was assured it’s not my bipolar disorder, but real genuine excitement which would be fine at like 3pm when my day starts dragging. Heaven forbid my feelings be convenient.

Well, I can't fall asleep and I'm losin' my mind
'Cause it's half-past three and my brain's on fire
I've been countin' sheep but the sheep all died
And I'm not dead yet, so I guess I'll be alright

That last line has gotten me through some of the worst days. When everything just seems so shitty I remember those words. It’s one thing to be told you’ll be alright, but it’s another thing entirely when I actually feel like I’m going to be alright. Sometimes those tiny little emotions feel more powerful than all the joy in the world.

[Insert Chorus]
I may be wrong, I may be wrong
It's stupid but it's all I have
Don't you love it, don't you love it?
No, I ain't happy yet
But I'm way less sad

I don’t think I’m wrong. Not right now at least. I’m not happy yet, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am way less sad.

Thank you so much for reading, I’ll post the song at the end. I got to see them perform this live along with a bunch of other amazing songs. It was sooooooooo much fun. Singing this song, and hearing it sung live. Not just because I like the songs, but because I truly believed the lyrics……. It’s hard to describe the sense of inner peace it gave me. I would love to see them again one day.

Don’t forget to like and leave a comment. Even if your comment is just that AJR is one of the best groups ever, you wouldn’t be wrong, so I’ll allow it. I hope you guys have a great week this week, and I will see you in 2 weeks with the intro to my new series ‘A Simple Plan for living life’. Get ready for even more music Mondays. I bet you’ll never guess which group it’s featuring…

Sincerely,
LIBD

white string light

K-Quotes: The Sound of Magic

Posted on by LIBD

There’s this really….. Great? Yeah… it was a good show overall. It was a little too High School Musical, but I liked the story, and it had some excellent quotes. I would recommend it, but just be aware that it is part musical. Anywho, let’s get on with it. Today, there are three different quotes I want to reflect upon, but which one should I start with?

I’m not saying you should only do what you want. You should do whatever it is you want to do just as much as the things you don’t want to do.

Bro, that’s what I did this year. I didn’t even realize it until now. This quote has been sitting in my phone collecting metaphorical dust for like…. I don’t even know how long it’s been since I watched this. Better late than never though; am I right?! I don’t remember the context exactly, but I think she was saying that he needs to grow up and be more responsible. After all, when you grow up, you can’t just spend all day messing around and doing as you please. In the words of Cage the Elephant, “We got bills to pay, we got mouths to feed.” This first quote was his response.

Just because I’m an adult doesn’t mean I can’t still have fun and enjoy life. Which I’ve obviously embraced if the stickers and decals on my car are anything to go by. I went to concerts, and I’m going to see Liverpool play in July. I also got a second job to save up to move out next year. Maybe growing up doesn’t have to be a horrible thing after all. When I was a kid, my parents would have NEVER given me the Tomoon 2nd generation Fanclub membership kit. They definitely wouldn’t have let me have the 3rd gen membership almost 2 years later. When you grow up, get a job, and make money, you can buy whatever you want. Silver linings, am I right?!

“Now I know. No one in the world is crazy. They make you into a crazy person little by little if you don’t fit society’s standards.”

He was an odd duck; a few times, I wondered if maybe he was actually crazy. He did do some crazy things, and I do think he needed help, but I don’t think he was crazy. I think he was just weird, like me. Sometimes, people don’t want to be around weird people, and those people get lonely and maybe a little depressed, and they need help. This show reminded me that people aren’t born good, bad, normal, or weird; we are all shaped by our circumstances. It’s easy to say that someone is crazy, but have you ever tried to get to know them and maybe find out why they are the way they are?

When I first started working at the memory care facility, I was hired as a receptionist and tried to spend as little time as possible around the residents because I thought they were kind of weird and also I had heard some pretty crazy things. I didn’t want to take the time and try to get to know them as people. Some of them I don’t talk too much at all. They aren’t really that with it, and I have a job to do at the front desk, but many of them are really cool. I can make small talk if I pass them in the hallway, and sometimes I don’t know what they are talking about, but that doesn’t mean they are crazy. Just because someone thinks or acts differently than you do, doesn’t necessarily make them weird. Maybe I’m the weird one since I don’t understand what they are talking about. People don’t come with labels; they are given them by others. The last quote is this…

Her: What’s so great about magic anyway? What’s the point of getting your hopes up that it will all work out only to be disappointed shortly after?
Him: At least you get to smile, even if only for that moment.

This quote means a lot to me right now. I’ve often wondered what the point of allowing yourself to feel hopeful is. What’s the point of allowing yourself to be happy? It’s not going to last, so why bother, right? In my See U Tomorrow series, I talked about the special tomorrow. One day, there will come a day when you will be grateful you never gave up. Even if it’s just one day, and tomorrow everything is a trainwreck again, at least you had one day. This is why those days are important. I’m glad I made time to go to concerts and stuff. My life is still a mess, and nothing will change in the next few days, but during that concert, that long drive with a friend, that visit to the zoo, or decorating my car with stickers… For that little bit of time I can be happy, because just briefly, everything that’s going wrong in my life doesn’t matter.

Magic may not be real, but I don’t watch magic tricks because I think it’s real. I watch because I think it’s fun, and life isn’t, so it’s nice to have fun things in your life. It may only be for a moment, but isn’t it nice to feel good, even if only for a moment? I think it is. I would like to be happy if only for a second because 60 seconds is one whole minute. In the Kpop world, we have this phrase we use in the fandom. A lot of a little is a lot. When a new music video gets released, we stream it as much as possible to get a good score on music shows in the hopes of a win. Some people don’t because they think it’s too much work or they don’t have time to stream all day.

I always say if we have 2 people that stream it 20 times, that’s 40 views, but if we have 50 people that only watch it once, that’s 50 views, and if you count the 2 others, that’s 90 total. Some people think that streaming is a chore that has to be done constantly and they don’t want to bother. I often think that if anything is wrong, I can’t be happy, but a lot of a little is a lot. Just because my whole day wasn’t great doesn’t mean I can’t be happy. Happiness can happen anywhere at any time. You just have to allow yourself to acknowledge it.

I think that’s what he meant in the quote from my last post. You can be happy here and now, but only if you allow yourself to be right here, right now. Thank you for reading, and I hope you are doing well. Leave a comment and let me know what you think. Also, make sure you subscribe so you don’t miss out on any posts, and I’ll see you in two weeks!!

Sincerely,
LIBD

photo of person wearing neon green socks

Here, Now

Posted on by LIBD

Hello world!!! I’ve been decorating my car with cute kpop and BT21 decals. I’m not done yet, but I’m having fun. I am officially a 2 job person. 10/10 do not recommend, but I don’t really have a choice. I’m always tired, or sore, or angsty. I’m hoping I’ll get used to it soon.

I saw this movie a long time ago and loved it so much that I bought it as soon as it was released. It’s called Next Goal Wins. It’s about a soccer team that is bad, like REALLY bad. Not just “haven’t you ever heard of forward passing bad,” but atrocious. They lost 31-0, and I googled it in the theater because I didn’t believe it, but it’s true.

There’s a conversation near the end of the movie that really stood out to me. The coach (Thomas Rongen) will be C, and the guy he’s talking to (Tavita) will be F since he’s the head of FFAS…

C: What is it with you? Why are you always so positive? It’s sickening! You should coach them. They believe in you.
F: They believe in you, but you have to show them who you are!…  Ever since you got to our island, you’ve been somewhere else. Even now, you’re somewhere else. Maybe it’s in the past because you thought you were happier then. But I think you could be happy here now! But you’ve got to be here now.
C: I can’t win.
F: Then lose. But don’t lose alone; lose with us. And there’s always the second half. That’s another chance

Much like Mr. Rongen, I’m not a happy person. I also find excessive positivity sickening. It’s obnoxious sometimes, but I would never say it to someone’s face like he did. It’s funny because, with as much guilt and shame as I feel about the past, the thing I regret most is not appreciating how good I had it. It’s very unfortunate that only hindsight is 20/20. I often don’t realize the good in my life until it’s gone. Then I feel bad that I spent all that time worrying and being ungrateful when I could have just been happy.

I like the part when Tavita says, “Then lose. But don’t lose alone. Lose with us”. It reminds me of that quote from Ted Lasso when he says,” There’s only one thing worse than being sad, and that’s being alone and being sad.” They still had a second half to play, unlike Ted Lasso’s team, who had already lost.

I remember one time, Tottenham was losing 2-0 with only 15 minutes plus added time, and I decided to stop watching. Then, I got a notification that they scored. Then I got a notification that they scored again, and they ended up winning the game 3-2. I gave up before the game ended and missed an action-packed ending because I assumed there was no way we could come back from that with 15 minutes left. Now, I always watch till the end.

Sometimes in life, it feels like I just can’t win no matter what I do, and it’s easiest to just give up. 2 weeks ago, Tottenham played Man City, and it was a fabulous game. Not because we won. We didn’t, but it was a fantastic game because Tottenham refused to go down without a fight, and they fought till the very last second.

I’d seen them win games in which I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how they won with how poorly they were playing. This loss was still a win in my book. Back to the movie though. Soon after the conversation, the coach tells the players that they have reminded him that he’s always loved playing more than he loved winning.

When I got back into horseback riding after a long time away, I started out on this fantastic gelding named Jack. He was an absolute gem for me. I never understood when I saw other riders struggling to get him to listen. He was always an eager-to-please type of guy for me.

After my 3rd lesson, my instructor asked me how I liked Jack, and I told her, “He does everything I ask him to with no hesitation and no protest…” After a moment of silence, she asked if I was getting bored and wanted more of a challenge, to which I agreed, and that’s when I met Sunny.

She dumped me in the dirt on my second ride. I took a few months of some rocky rides and a few lessons in which neither me nor Sunny had a good time. But after we got used to each other, we became besties. She also listened very well, but there was always a bit of protest or hesitation to keep me on my toes. There was never a dull day with Sunshine. I hope if I ever get my own horse, I can find one like her. I haven’t seen her in at least a year, and I miss her so much.

I would give anything to go out and ride her again. I’ve always been what psychiatrists like to call a black-and-white thinker. I see no gray area. Things are either good or bad, and if it’s not good, then it must be bad. If my life isn’t great, then it must be horrible, and my psychiatrist has tried to explain gray areas to me, but I just don’t get it.

I think the coach in the movie had the same problem as I did. He knew what life was like when it was good, and since it wasn’t like that, then it had to have been bad because it obviously wasn’t good. I think I kind of get gray areas now.

One thing I’ve learned from Tottenham is that you can play great and lose, just like you can play poorly and win. I have to ask myself if I want to win or if I just want to play a good game. You can’t win every game. Even Argentina, who won the World Cup, lost one of their games. Manchester City lost to the Wolves this past season, which must have been a real embarrassment because they finished on the top of the board (The Wolves did not). You also learn more through losing than through winning. So if good isn’t always good and bad isn’t always bad, then maybe life just is.

I don’t know if this made any sense to you. I apologize if it was confusing but thank you to everyone who stuck with it until the end. What are your thoughts? Feel free to leave a comment and let me know. I’m trying really hard to stay consistent with my posting schedule, so I’ll see you in two weeks…… Lord willing, and the creek don’t rise, or however the saying goes. No, I’m not crazy; people do say that.

Sincerely,
LIBD

close up photo of a sand dollar

The Art of Being Human: Finding Freedom in Embracing Imperfections

Posted on by LIBD

Hello world!!! That was too much, wasn’t it? Seriously though, how goes it bro? Do you mind if I call you bro? Maybe I should just stick to y’all. Anyway. I’m slowly learning how to use AI, so my titles don’t sound as ridiculous. I’m still going to have to come up with an alternate title for the table of contents to save space. Honestly, I’m more concerned about this part anyway. I hope your year is going well so far. You’re very quiet. I’ll just skip to the reason we are here.

I’ve been complimented on how open and honest I am about my flaws and shortcomings. I’m always worried that if people discover the real me, they will be disappointed or dislike me. Does it matter? No. But it matters to me. Online, it’s different. You can write or rewrite and have much more control over how others perceive you than you do in real life. A lot of people use this to filter out the bad and only display the best of the best. I object to that, and I’m gonna tell you why.

My main problem is. No one’s life is great all the time. People don’t wake up beautiful or spend their lives on the beach with a halo of sunlight surrounding them. I don’t care who you are that’s not realistic. I find it to be dishonest and misleading. Do you know how annoying it is seeing how happy everyone else is? I’m over here convincing myself to put my computer aside for 5 minutes to do laundry. Let’s see what others are up to on Facebook. Wait here.

I’ve been spending years carefully crafting my Facebook feed, so all I see are cute cats, puns, and lots of pretty horses, and my dad is preparing for a presentation he’s giving about wolves tomorrow. Yesterday however, I saw someone showing off their new horse. So many people with their horses. I see people getting married, and I’m here on my couch. Still not doing my laundry. People are allowed to be happy though, and there’s always people on the other end of the spectrum too. I’m sure you’re familiar with that one person who likes to post vague statuses or constant pity party posts. The kind of person who has probably maxed out their victim card.

Life is hard, you are allowed to be sad, but you don’t have to constantly post about how much it sucks. Just how you should celebrate life’s happy moments. Still, I can only be happy for you for so long before I get annoyed. That’s not their fault though. I recently discovered that I have anger issues. If you are trying to become an influencer though, I think you are doing a disservice to your followers by only letting them see your best moments. I can’t be the only one who was once looking forward to eating a microwave pizza until I dropped it, burnt my finger on the sauce, and started crying.

I think one of the significant causes of depression is that people believe there is this ideal life that is totally attainable. If they aren’t living that life, they think they are doing something wrong. Everyone has cried over pizza at some point in life. It may not have been pizza, but I’m sure you can recall a moment when one small thing was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Part of my problem is I’m not a happy person. I hope one day to be, but that time is not now. You would hardly ever hear from me if I only posted good things. The other reason is that many of my real-life friends read this and know the truth. Even if I could lie to you guys, my friends would know better.

The main reason, though, is that misery loves company. When I feel like shit, I find it very comforting to know that someone else is in the same boat as me. It makes it feel less scary to know that you are not alone in your feelings. No one can understand your exact situation, but it’s nice knowing everyone goes through hard times. I’m honest and open, hoping that someone somewhere will read a post and find comfort in knowing they are not the only ones struggling.

There’s one more reason that I try to be honest and authentic. It’s hard to explain, but let me use something similar. Sometimes, if I do something particularly nice, I’ll ask the person not to tell anyone. I’m not a nice person, but I’m not heartless. Depending on the person or situation, sometimes I’ll help someone out as long as they don’t tell because I can’t have people thinking I’m nice. You see, when you are nice, everyone expects you to be nice to them. When you put your foot in your mouth, you look even worse because you’re supposed to be this lovely person. If people don’t expect much from you, it one; makes it so much more meaningful when you do help. And two, you can do good things without worrying about people expecting it.

Now, I would like to go on record. I’m not hiding anything; I’m genuinely just this bad at cleaning and taking care of myself, but by being real honest, it makes the posts more genuine. When I do write something happy, it means more because I don’t often write happy posts. My good days mean more when I think of the bad days, and my bad days mean less when I think of the REALLY bad days. Judge Judy says it’s easier to tell the truth because you don’t have to think as hard. When you lie, you have to try to remember all the lies, and I can’t be bothered with that.

When you are your authentic self, there’s a feeling of relief. You don’t have to constantly be on guard and make sure that you are only showing your best self. You can just live. And yeah, not everyone will like you, but some will. And the people who do will appreciate you for the real you, and you can just be yourself! You don’t have to do anything. I only know because I tried it in college. I worked so hard to do the right thing and say the right thing to make people like me, and I was miserable. Not only was it exhausting, but the friendship did not last after college. It’s so much easier to just be you.

Thank you for reading; that’s all I’ve got. No magic cure or anything special. I still need to work on being comfortable with my authentic self, but that’s a tale for another day. I’m watching Judge Judy while writing this. I used to watch it almost every day after school. Thanks for making it to the end, and please leave a comment to say hi. Just so I know you’re an actual person and not a robot reading this. I get quite a few robot views, but I want to know how many humans read this. Don’t worry; I would die before I allowed robot tests on my blog. Views are views, and I’m shallow like a kiddie pool. I’ll see y’all in 2 weeks.

calm body of water

Almost Over by Aquilo

Posted on by LIBD

The song title may be confusing. This is the end of the series; it’s over; it’s just the song that’s Almost Over. I’m sorry my jokes aren’t on point right now. I can’t believe I wrote and scheduled all of this in 36 hours. I’m sorry I have to brag about that. Moving on, I shared this song on Facebook a long time ago when it first came out. One of my friends commented that it was really dark and depressing. I don’t think it is. I find it to be a very comforting song. I like songs that don’t tell you how or what to feel; they just make you feel what you are feeling. Whatever that emotion may be, and sometimes you just need to feel.

For all you know, we're broken pieces
I'm finding it hard to live
With something that won't last

It’s times like this that make me wish I never got better. It never lasts, and it makes times like this feel even worse. Even if I clean something, it will probably just get messy before I clean something else. Happiness doesn’t last, so why do I want to feel it again so bad? Maybe I’m just stupid.

For all you know
You're still my weakness
I'm finding it hard to
Fake a smile that I don’t have

It may be hard to fake a smile, but I am an incredible actor. No one has any idea that I’m dying inside. As I said, it’s not their problem, and it’s not like they can wave a magic wand to make it better. There’s no sense telling them; if I did talk to them about it, I would say…. “Just tell me I’m gonna be okay. Tell me I don’t suck.” Even if they told me though, it’s hard to know if people are nice to you because they believe it or they are trying to be nice. Maybe I’m just not nice.

[Chorus] Hold on
I've got a feeling like this is almost over
Hold on
I've got a feeling like we're almost done
We don't need this anymore
We don't need this anymore

Not only do I not need this. I don’t have time for this. I’m supposed to be getting my room clean. Saving money and praying every day that this one apartment I want will open up and my brother will still want to be my roommate until I get used to living on my own. I can’t be like this forever; I just can’t. Is this madness really almost over? Maybe that’s just wishful thinking.

We're both waiting for the moment
When one or the other
Cuts the light and locks the door
But in this limbo where we're frozen
We're not going anywhere
We're not who we were before

I hate how accurate that is. I hate being stuck in this in between. I’m not going anywhere; I’m not who I was before. Granted, who I was before wasn’t amazing, but this Erin is useless. 10/10 do not recommend. Maybe my psychiatrist is right, and I’m just spiraling.

[Chorus]
I've given everything [x3]
And it's over
I've given everything [x3]
And it's gone

It’s hard to explain that I’m trying hard when it doesn’t look like I’m trying. That’s the other reason I don’t like people to know. They’ll tell me what to do. They’ll tell me to shower more often and wash my face so I’ll feel better about myself. They’ll tell me to clean my room so it won’t constantly stress me out. They’ll tell me to just do one little thing every day so it’s not so overwhelming. Maybe they’ll tell me to eat ice cream and cry. The last one might actually help me if it didn’t make me feel like I’m not trying to be healthier. Do you think I’m incompetent? Don’t you think if it was that easy, then this series wouldn’t exist? Maybe I am Incompetent.

Hold on
I've got a feeling like it's almost over
Hold on
I've got a feeling like we're almost done

In the intro, I mentioned the book series that inspired this series. I’m sure the children in the story felt this way. Like surely, this awfulness can’t continue. I have to think they often hoped it was almost over, and each book did end. Each ending was just another calm before another storm. I don’t think any of the children had a major depressive disorder. Although surely that level of trauma would have a massive effect on someone psychologically. Maybe they were stronger than me.

We don't need this anymore [x4]
Hold on
I've got a feeling like this is almost over

The books get longer as the series goes on. The stories of the three siblings always got worse and worse until it suddenly wasn’t. Like I said in the intro, I only just finished book one, but maybe I can learn something. Misery loves company and all that. Even if this season of my life is almost over, I won’t know until it happens. I guess I’ll just hold on. I don’t have a feeling like this is almost over, but that doesn’t mean anything. Maybe one day, my life that’s so horrible will just suddenly not be horrible. Maybe it is Almost Over.

Thank you for reading. If anyone else is struggling, I hope your hard times are also almost over. Until then, all we can do is hold on because holding on is better than nothing. I wish you all the best. Stay safe, stay well, and let’s keep our fingers crossed for a better tomorrow.

Sincerely,
LIBD

top view photo of rocky shore

A New Chapter

Posted on by LIBD

Hey, y’all! So……… who’s sick of me venting about Oneus? Aww man, you are?! Well, I swear this will be the last time for a long while. I have a cold today, so I had to cancel the appt with my allergist that I’ve been waiting 3 months for, and I don’t get to hang out with my friend at the barn, which means no horse time for another 2 weeks. I really hate my life today. I just hope I’m better by tomorrow so I can go to work. Anyway, here it goes……

Today Tottenham played Burnley, and even though we were down by one in the beginning, we destroyed them. It was simply breathtaking to watch. And the fans……. They were so happy they got their team back. It’s only been a few games, but I hope we can keep up this energy and stay in the top 5. It was amazing. Last season was a hot mess, or at least the end of it was. I dreaded watching the games because it wasn’t pretty. Coincidently, I’m dreading Oneus’s next comeback (it’s when a group releases and promotes a new album). Because Oneus and Tomoons are a lot like Tottenham at the end of last season.

It wasn’t just that the players were a mess on the field a lot of the time. Fans were angry, getting mad, blaming the players, coaches, and team owner. Anyone that they possibly could to the point where I’d be like, “It’s no wonder they aren’t playing well; their fans are basically saying they suck and they’re hopeless.” Or they say they’ll stop being a fan. Maybe some of them did. Oneus doesn’t suck, but the fandom has been a mess since Ravn left. Fans have abandoned the fandom to support Ravn; they are blaming other people for making him feel like he had to go and blaming RBW for letting it all happen. Their last comeback was a mess. I was dreading it like a match from last season, and it was equally painful to sit through and watch it unfold. I want to blame the fans who abandoned them, who bailed on the fandom. But how would that make me any different from them?

Just like with Oneus, Tottenham was kind of falling apart, too. Their coaches kept stepping down, so they didn’t have consistent coaching. They gave it their best, but it wasn’t enough with everything else that was happening. Maybe they would have done better if the fans were more supportive, but we’ll never know. Just like we’ll never know if Ravn would have stayed had they not taken him out of the fan chant. But it’s done, and it may be a mess, but it is what it is, and they are doing their best. Today though, I saw my team win 2-5, and I saw the fans going crazy and cheering. The pride in the faces of the players and their fans reminded me of how Oneus and Tomoon (that’s the fandom) used to be. It was beautiful. It made me sad.

It made me sad because I don’t know if we will ever be like that again. Then I got angry. I got angry because of how some fans just abandoned them to start a new fandom for Ravn, where everyone agreed, and everything was as perfect as it could be. I felt like they left us to try to clean up the mess that was our beloved fandom. That was Ryan Mason’s job for Tottenham, but with the season winding down and all the chaos, there’s only so much he could do. This year, we got a new coach, and they are playing better than ever. I can’t wait to watch the matches now. I wished Tomoons could just get a new coach, and at that moment, I knew the one person who could help me… Ted Lasso!

He has this fantastic speech when Dani accidentally kills their mascot. It’s a sad story, but in the end, he said something that really got me thinking and could just be the one thing that would help me heal. He says,

It’s funny to think about the things in your life that can make you cry just knowing that they existed can then become the same thing that makes you cry, knowing that they’re now gone. I think those things come into our lives to help us get from one place to a better one.

Ted Lasso

I may never get back Oneus how it used to be, but maybe I don’t need to. I hope one day Oneus and Tomoons can smile and be proud like Tottenham and their fans were today, but even if that’s impossible, I must accept that it’s okay. I have a great job now. I’ve come a long way in terms of my mental health. I can drive, and I make phone calls now. And it was my experience with Oneus that got me here. They encouraged me so much and gave me many good and happy memories with them and my fellow Tomoons. Even if it’s not really Oneus, maybe I can make new memories with them as they enter this new chapter in their career.

It’s funny when everyone was falling apart and in shock at the situation; I was the one who was like, “We’ll get through this. It may be different, but different isn’t always bad. Let’s just support them all the best we can during this difficult time.” But now that everyone else has made peace with it, I’m the one who’s falling apart. Maybe I don’t need to though. There are friends, horses, and experiences that I miss a lot. However, they too, helped me get from one chapter of my life to the next. I can be sad. I should be sad about losing something that meant so much to me, but I can’t be sad about it forever. They got me to this next chapter, so perhaps it’s time to start living it. I’ll always have the memories, but it’s time to make more.

That’s what I want to do. Sure, the last chapter had a TON of good parts that I would love to read over and over again, but that’s not how I’ll grow as a person. I’ll only grow by moving forward. I can still take Oneus with me into this new chapter; it’ll just be a little different, but honestly, work keeps me pretty busy anyway. I hope to make this new chapter as good, if not better, than the last, but I can’t just assume it will be horrible. I don’t know how it will unfold until I face and start living it.

Thank you for reading! Oneus just announced a new comeback yesterday. I’m getting back into voting and streaming and ready to have a good time and make new memories with this new Oneus. I’m still low-key hoping to see Ravn in the group teaser photo just so I could watch all the haters lose their minds and eat their words, but I have no doubt karma will catch up to us all eventually. Anyway, I hope you are doing well, and if not, keep hanging in there and remember I’m always cheering for you. Go You!!!!

Sincerely,
LIBD

pile of fallen leaves with white traces

K-Quotes: Better Than Nothing

Posted on by LIBD

Before I start this I just want to say if you are really depressed this could potentially be triggering. Today’s quote is kind of extreme that’s why I go on to explain it so if you choose to read, please read to the very end.

So today was another not-good day. To give you an idea about how bad it was… I gathered the bravery to go to the customer service desk to ask about renting a table again, and I’m pretty sure the lady thought I had a stutter. I went over and over in my head what to say, and I just froze. It was horrible. Unfortunately, after this week, they no longer offer tables inside except for events. I should have asked for more info about outdoor booths, but I panicked, said thank you, and left. And that was just the beginning.

I’ve been having some rough days recently, but there’s a quote from a tv show I’ve been holding on to. The first time I heard this quote, I was appalled. I thought the main girl was horrible, heartless, and cruel, but I understood what she was saying as the story continued. Now I’ll even say it to myself on days like this. She says, in numerous ways throughout the series…

“If you’re not going to do anything, you should just die.”

Mudeok

Please keep reading!!!! She says it sometimes to herself, sometimes to him. By the end, even he says it. When I tell people that this is one of my favorite quotes, they always have this look on their faces. The same one I did the first time I heard it. As I said though, the meaning starts to become clear as it goes on. Like when she says…

“No matter how pathetic you feel, you must do what you can at the moment. If I am not willing to do anything, I might as well just die.”

Mudeok

Many times throughout the show, people underestimated the main dude. They would discourage him from improving his skills, telling him he shouldn’t bother trying because he won’t be able to catch up with everyone else. Or when there was trouble, they’d tell him to stay behind and let other people handle it. At times he listened to them. In the beginning, he was a lot like me. He liked the idea of being great, but he didn’t really wanna get his hands dirty. He’d do enough to say he tried and call it a day. However, he would never have been the hero if he had listened to everyone else and done nothing.

It wasn’t an easy path for him though. He took that saying to heart and worked hard. He put in the effort and the hours; even then, it was a struggle for him at first. I always want to give up when I stop making progress. It’s obviously not working, so why waste my time. But often times what we see as failure is not actually a failure. Mudeok (the main girl) bet the Prince that Jang Uk could win 1 out of 8 battles (I think). He lost the first 7, but each time he lost, he learned, and eventually, he did win. When I feel like I’ve lost 5 battles in a row, I just want to quit. I want to do nothing, but according to Mudeok, I should just die if I’m going to do nothing.

So, let’s take a minute to address the other half of the phrase. It is a little harsh, and you can’t say that nowadays because you don’t know what people are dealing with or going through, and it could easily be taken the wrong way. Is it really better to die than do nothing? Yes and No. Depression is real. Mental illness is real, and it’s a disease. Your brain is not working correctly, and it can cause all sorts of problems. When you are depressed or struggling, just existing some days can be difficult, but even existing is something. I think she words it that strongly because if you give up on life totally, it’s practically the same thing.

When you exist every day, that is something, and as long as we are doing something, there is hope that things will get better. Even now, I feel like I keep failing and messing up. But that’s something too, and even those tiny things can give us hope that things will get better. Another quote says, “All the pain that does not kill you will only make you stronger.” One of the songs from the show is called Scars leave a beautiful trace. I posted these lyrics a while back on Facebook, but I’ll add them here and put a video with the translated lyrics at the bottom.”

"Every time I take one more step
I know the path ahead of me
Take a deep breath
Look into the distance,
Stand up again and endure

I will stand here strong,
Now I, I'm never falling down
I'm not afraid
Look ahead
Scars become beautiful traces"

So now, whenever I’m tempted to give up on life, I think of that quote and this song because it reminds me that…. Well, if I’m going to do nothing and give up on life, I might as well be dead. So even when things aren’t great, and I’m not being productive, and I have days where I don’t do much, I try to enjoy the little things because just existing is very admirable and brave. And as long as you are still living, there’s hope that things will get better. Today I’m tempted to say I did nothing, but I did quite a few things. They were a total train wreck, but now I know I can’t possibly ever be worse than the stuttering mess I was today. I’m still here, which means I will get another chance to have a better day tomorrow. Maybe it’ll suck too, but there’s only one way to find out, which brings me to a final quote.

Jang Uk and his 2 friends are being subjected to a horrible meal by the one dude’s uncle, who has a passion for cooking but absolutely no talent. At the end, he brings rice cakes for dessert and says, “normal rice cakes are too boring,” so he decided to fill 2 with honey and 1 with fish sauce so they can each test their luck. The first 2 who pick get ones filled with honey, so obviously, Jang Uk doesn’t want to eat it because it’s gross. And the uncle asks him how he knows. His friend explained that since his uncle had said one was filled with fish sauce, that was the only one left. The uncle then repeats the question, and Uk eats it. He never tells the others if it was indeed filled with fish sauce or if it was honey and the uncle was lying. All the uncle says is this…

“Life is unpredictable, but you choose your own destiny. No matter how sweet or bitter it may be, you must taste it yourself and swallow it.”

Uncle Park

Wherever life takes me, I want to see it to the end. I have a lot of dreams and maybe they’ll happen, or maybe they won’t. Perhaps tomorrow will be a better day; perhaps it won’t, but there’s only one way to find out. And wouldn’t it be sad to miss out on a perfectly wonderful desert just because we thought it would be horrible? Metaphors have limits, but I hope this makes sense. I also hope even if it gets bad, you’ll stick around and find the strength to keep existing because you never know when a good day may come.

Life isn’t easy, but remember, you aren’t the only one struggling. There’s nothing wrong with you. We all struggle, and even though our situations aren’t the same, we can all try to be kind to ourselves and persevere through even the most painful things. Because even existing is better than nothing.

Sincerely,
LIBD

man holding black game controller

Beating the Game

Posted on by LIBD

I was talking to a friend about how complicated life can sometimes be. She said she was trying to learn to enjoy the happy moments along the way. We talked about how difficult it can be to find the line between happiness and responsibility. If we ever figure it out, I promise to share it with you guys. There are all these responsibilities when you become an adult though. It’s like I have a to-do list that never really ends. More stuff just gets added on whenever I start checking things off.

It’s hard though. I think the feeling of wanting to solve all your problems and fix everything is a pretty common one. I was thinking about all of this. Trying not to take life so seriously, just enjoying it but still being responsible… Then something popped into my head. A few weeks ago, my brother fell off the face of the earth. No one could get him to answer the calls or texts. My parents were getting really worried, but he had texted me 5 days before about the new Harry Potter game he had started. My brother works a lot, so not answering every call or text isn’t unusual. However, after another week, even I started to get worried.

Finally, my mom threatened to have the cops come to check on him if he didn’t respond to someone, and a few hours later, I got a text saying he beat that whole game. It’s not surprising that he would get that invested in a game; I just didn’t know he was that passionate of a Harry Potter fan.

It’s rare for my brother to totally beat a game because most of his favorite games are open-ended. Like, he can get to the highest level, but even then the game doesn’t really end; there are always more things to do. I was kind of disappointed though. Did he even have time to enjoy the game and get into it, or was he just rushing through levels to beat it? That’s like skipping through an episode you can’t be bothered to watch so you can get the gist and be done with it.

I realized though I treat life the same way my brother treated that game. I know what needs to be done. I want to do it all, get it over with, so I can “beat the game.” I realized that’s where the line is between letting yourself be happy and staying responsible. Beating the game is the end goal for everyone; that’s why we play, but we can’t forget it’s a game.

An example of what I think is a responsible balance is this: I play Hogwarts mystery, and there’s a main storyline you follow along with side quests, in-game activities, and magizoology. Sometimes during the side quests and stuff, I’m so focused on finishing them to get back to the main story that I don’t know what it was about. I skip through the dialogues so I can move on and finish them. I think that’s what it’s like when we focus too hard on our responsibilities.

On the other hand, other times, I’ll get so caught up taking care of creatures and earning more books to unlock more creatures that I forget there’s an actual story to complete. I can’t spend all my time playing mini-games or trying to unlock new creatures. I’m not making any real progress whatsoever.

My brother has played a game called RuneScape since middle school. He’s at the highest level and has unlocked all these fancy, rare things that only the most elite players can get. Apparently, they keep adding levels to the game. Once they add another one, he’ll do whatever you do in that game to get to the next level. In between, he just messes around in the game doing random stuff while he waits for a new level. Ideally, that’s how I want to live my life. Keep up with responsibilities so I can truly enjoy all the perks. Do I ever think I will get there? I don’t know.

There’s a sense of loss I’ve found though, when you beat a game. That’s why I don’t like to hurry through games. It’s not just because I’m bad at them. Some games are challenging too. We used to have Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets on our Xbox, and there was one part I never ended up beating. I just couldn’t do it no matter how many times I tried. My brother beat it on his file or whatever they called different user accounts.

After he completed that, he later got stuck on the level with the spiders. I beat it for him. He again struggled with defeating the basilisk, enlisted my help again, and I beat that one too. I helped him win the whole game but was always stuck on that one level. I don’t think I ever asked him to help me, or maybe he couldn’t do it again.

I think at times, we get stuck. Trying to overcome this mountain of responsibility, we feel frustrated and give up. That’s the time it’s most important to remind yourself it’s just a game or it’s just life. It doesn’t have to be serious. If you are stuck, give yourself a break for a day. Be kind to yourself and enjoy the little things life has to offer. Then try again.

You may still be stuck like I am right now, and that’s okay. My problems will still be there tomorrow. Physically at this moment, I cannot do the things I need to do. I’m already in bed while writing this, so changing my sheets clearly isn’t going to happen. Financially I will pay off what I can this paycheck, and once I’ve done all that I could possibly do at this moment, I’m going to try to just be happy.

Should I clean my room? Yes. I know that. Lately, I’ve been tired and stressed about how I look because even though I haven’t gained much weight, I can’t stand to look at anything but my face in the mirror. The mess will still be there when I’m ready to clean it, but until that happens, I will take it 24 hours at a time.

If I do nothing, I hope to genuinely enjoy and appreciate that time. In the mindset app, I hear or read (I’m not sure which) “you are worthy of rest,” and honestly, still just reading it feels wrong, but you know what? I’m gonna make that my mantra, and I’m going to keep telling myself that until the day I actually believe it.

Problems and responsibilities are much easier to deal with when we are in a good place mentally. This brings me to another thing I’ve heard multiple times from the mood check-in AI “prioritize your mental health and well-being,” “be gentle with yourself,” “focus on your progress,” and all these things that I’m honestly not used to hearing.

When I think of responsibilities, I think of work, bills, independence, and a clean living space. However, I think our most significant responsibility should be to ourselves. We are humans with feelings, and I will try to add myself to my to-do list. I’m not a machine. I shouldn’t feel bad when I’m too overwhelmed to deal with life. I can enjoy doing nothing without feeling so ridiculously guilty and ashamed.

I hope this brought you comfort if you are struggling. Thank you for reading, and let’s all do our best to ensure we are responsible for ourselves. Maybe you already are, but if you are like me and are bad at it, I encourage you to keep those quotes in the back of your mind. Don’t forget I’m always cheering for you, and I hope you have a good week.

Sincerely,
LIBD