Before I start this I just want to say if you are really depressed this could potentially be triggering. Today’s quote is kind of extreme that’s why I go on to explain it so if you choose to read, please read to the very end.
So today was another not-good day. To give you an idea about how bad it was… I gathered the bravery to go to the customer service desk to ask about renting a table again, and I’m pretty sure the lady thought I had a stutter. I went over and over in my head what to say, and I just froze. It was horrible. Unfortunately, after this week, they no longer offer tables inside except for events. I should have asked for more info about outdoor booths, but I panicked, said thank you, and left. And that was just the beginning.
I’ve been having some rough days recently, but there’s a quote from a tv show I’ve been holding on to. The first time I heard this quote, I was appalled. I thought the main girl was horrible, heartless, and cruel, but I understood what she was saying as the story continued. Now I’ll even say it to myself on days like this. She says, in numerous ways throughout the series…
“If you’re not going to do anything, you should just die.”
Mudeok
Please keep reading!!!! She says it sometimes to herself, sometimes to him. By the end, even he says it. When I tell people that this is one of my favorite quotes, they always have this look on their faces. The same one I did the first time I heard it. As I said though, the meaning starts to become clear as it goes on. Like when she says…
“No matter how pathetic you feel, you must do what you can at the moment. If I am not willing to do anything, I might as well just die.”
Mudeok
Many times throughout the show, people underestimated the main dude. They would discourage him from improving his skills, telling him he shouldn’t bother trying because he won’t be able to catch up with everyone else. Or when there was trouble, they’d tell him to stay behind and let other people handle it. At times he listened to them. In the beginning, he was a lot like me. He liked the idea of being great, but he didn’t really wanna get his hands dirty. He’d do enough to say he tried and call it a day. However, he would never have been the hero if he had listened to everyone else and done nothing.
It wasn’t an easy path for him though. He took that saying to heart and worked hard. He put in the effort and the hours; even then, it was a struggle for him at first. I always want to give up when I stop making progress. It’s obviously not working, so why waste my time. But often times what we see as failure is not actually a failure. Mudeok (the main girl) bet the Prince that Jang Uk could win 1 out of 8 battles (I think). He lost the first 7, but each time he lost, he learned, and eventually, he did win. When I feel like I’ve lost 5 battles in a row, I just want to quit. I want to do nothing, but according to Mudeok, I should just die if I’m going to do nothing.
So, let’s take a minute to address the other half of the phrase. It is a little harsh, and you can’t say that nowadays because you don’t know what people are dealing with or going through, and it could easily be taken the wrong way. Is it really better to die than do nothing? Yes and No. Depression is real. Mental illness is real, and it’s a disease. Your brain is not working correctly, and it can cause all sorts of problems. When you are depressed or struggling, just existing some days can be difficult, but even existing is something. I think she words it that strongly because if you give up on life totally, it’s practically the same thing.
When you exist every day, that is something, and as long as we are doing something, there is hope that things will get better. Even now, I feel like I keep failing and messing up. But that’s something too, and even those tiny things can give us hope that things will get better. Another quote says, “All the pain that does not kill you will only make you stronger.” One of the songs from the show is called Scars leave a beautiful trace. I posted these lyrics a while back on Facebook, but I’ll add them here and put a video with the translated lyrics at the bottom.”
"Every time I take one more step I know the path ahead of me Take a deep breath Look into the distance, Stand up again and endure I will stand here strong, Now I, I'm never falling down I'm not afraid Look ahead Scars become beautiful traces"
So now, whenever I’m tempted to give up on life, I think of that quote and this song because it reminds me that…. Well, if I’m going to do nothing and give up on life, I might as well be dead. So even when things aren’t great, and I’m not being productive, and I have days where I don’t do much, I try to enjoy the little things because just existing is very admirable and brave. And as long as you are still living, there’s hope that things will get better. Today I’m tempted to say I did nothing, but I did quite a few things. They were a total train wreck, but now I know I can’t possibly ever be worse than the stuttering mess I was today. I’m still here, which means I will get another chance to have a better day tomorrow. Maybe it’ll suck too, but there’s only one way to find out, which brings me to a final quote.
Jang Uk and his 2 friends are being subjected to a horrible meal by the one dude’s uncle, who has a passion for cooking but absolutely no talent. At the end, he brings rice cakes for dessert and says, “normal rice cakes are too boring,” so he decided to fill 2 with honey and 1 with fish sauce so they can each test their luck. The first 2 who pick get ones filled with honey, so obviously, Jang Uk doesn’t want to eat it because it’s gross. And the uncle asks him how he knows. His friend explained that since his uncle had said one was filled with fish sauce, that was the only one left. The uncle then repeats the question, and Uk eats it. He never tells the others if it was indeed filled with fish sauce or if it was honey and the uncle was lying. All the uncle says is this…
“Life is unpredictable, but you choose your own destiny. No matter how sweet or bitter it may be, you must taste it yourself and swallow it.”
Uncle Park
Wherever life takes me, I want to see it to the end. I have a lot of dreams and maybe they’ll happen, or maybe they won’t. Perhaps tomorrow will be a better day; perhaps it won’t, but there’s only one way to find out. And wouldn’t it be sad to miss out on a perfectly wonderful desert just because we thought it would be horrible? Metaphors have limits, but I hope this makes sense. I also hope even if it gets bad, you’ll stick around and find the strength to keep existing because you never know when a good day may come.
Life isn’t easy, but remember, you aren’t the only one struggling. There’s nothing wrong with you. We all struggle, and even though our situations aren’t the same, we can all try to be kind to ourselves and persevere through even the most painful things. Because even existing is better than nothing.
Sincerely,
LIBD
