Hey, y’all!! How goes it? I told you I was gonna try to be a better blogger this year, and so far, it’s going pretty good. On new years eve, my kpop friend was nice enough to hang out for a bit before going to a party with her family so I wouldn’t be totally alone. We were browsing youtube as we do when we hang out, and I saw Ateez had a new song. This is how it went down, “What’s that?” “Halazia, it’s their new song, kind of a sequel I think to Hala Hala.” I LOVE Hala Hala. It’s my favorite, so obviously, I had to check it out. OMG, the sound, the outfits, Seonghwa’s face, and Yeosangs voice. The building could have caught fire, and I wouldn’t care as long as I listened to Yeosang singing the part in the pre-chorus.
Anyway, I saw a few music show performances, and wow. Seriously my new favorite of all their videos. Non-Kpop people won’t understand this following sentence, but… Ateez came back with this video and were collectively like, “say goodbye to your bias because you’re about to be wrecked.” It was when I was watching a reaction video. They mentioned the lyrics that I realized I was so distracted by the…… well, everything that I hadn’t even paid attention to them. And if I loved it before, I only loved it more after I read the lyrics. It embodied this feeling I have of uncertainty in life, wanting to do great things, wondering if where I am now is a good place to be, which I know it is. It all comes back to the fact I have no idea what I’m doing in life, so how do I know if I’m doing well or not. Anyway, that’s what I got out of this song, so let’s get started.
Oh, light [x3]
Be the light, oh, Halazia
Oh, no, everything has become barren, ooh, yeah
We all try but we lose emotion
I talked about Cats: The Movie before and how much I enjoyed it because the musical gave them nothing to work with. They made a plot out of a bunch of songs that didn’t make any sense, but it was fun, so no one really cared. That’s what life feels like. Like, I’m trying to make a movie out of a bunch of random short stories that really have nothing to do with each other. How do we know if it really means anything?
Getting used to the feeling of losing
Getting paralyzed
In shackled freedom (Yeah)
A small fantasy within me
Oh, Halazia, Halazia, Halazia
Right now, I’m in the stage after depression where you start to feel hope and think, “maybe everything will be alright.” However, I’m still scared cause I’ve wasted so much time and failed so horribly at life in the past that it almost seems silly to hope because I’ve been here before. But then I fell back into old habits and negative thinking.
I want to hear
The sound of love's breath
I want to know
If it's okay this way
Just some sort of sign that I’m going in the right direction. Something to let me know that this is okay and that I’m on the right path. Or that it’s okay to let my guard down and hope that things will get better and that it’s not just some brief string of luck.
[Pre-Chorus]
Mm, the little blue bird that lost its voice
I can hear the whispers
The beginnings of a deep echo
The voice that will overturn the world
The feeling came back again. The little nagging feeling that everything is gonna work out. That little voice saying my life isn’t meaningless after all. That I do have the power to make the world a better place somehow. I want to believe that so badly. I very much want it to be true.
[Chorus]
Hala-hala-hala-hala-halazia [x4]
I can't feel what it's like to be alive
Even now, in this moment
Color this infinitely cold world
Be the light, oh, Halazia
I don’t just want to maybe believe it. I want to feel it. I want it to be true.
Please let me take real breaths
Let me dance a real dance
Let me dream a real dream and
Let me feel all these senses
Right now, I’ve reached the stage I call ‘Happy Anxiety’ It’s when I think about how good life is going and how amazing it could be and feel like I can actually do it. So I start feeling anxious because good things don’t happen to me and living a meaningful life still seems too good to be true. I want it to be real. It’s just a scary thought because the better I feel, the worse I can get.
Even love has been swallowed up
When waves are made
Here in this place
This movement that will last forever
So many wonderful, terrifying possibilities. Sometimes I think it’s better to be depressed because when you don’t hope you don’t get disappointed.
Who are you?
Uh, it's just me, myself and I
Who are you?
Who are you reflected in the mirror?
Who are you?
A while back, I told my friend that hopefully, normal Erin would be back soon because depressed Erin is no fun. It is weird how different the 2 are. Sometimes I feel like being normal and happy is a lot of pressure. I want to be like that, but as I said, it’s scary.
Behind this road lies expectations within expectations
Where do I stand among the next and future generations?
It’s a valid question. Wouldn’t it be nice to have all the answers?
[Insert Pre-Chorus and Chorus here]
The truth hidden in fear
Blooms beyond that
*Distinctly beyond there*
What have we been so silent for?
Who are we in the darkness for?
If one wish could be realized, would you grant me the light?
For hot passion instead of cold despair
I want to feel
This is the part that really got me. Sometimes when I hear music, I can’t describe what it means to me in words because I can tell that the person who wrote the song understands the feelings I’ve been struggling with. I think it makes sense that I would be scared, but I can’t live if I let the fear keep holding me back. Maybe that’s how it is in life. You don’t know in words if you are doing well or not. It’s that feeling I need to follow to get where I want to go. To feel like my life means something. To feel happy and alive, not scared and sad. That’s what I want this year.
Be the light, oh, Halazia
No more, keep control
Halazia
No more, keep your soul
Halazia
No more, keep control
Halazia
Clear the darkness, oh, Halazia
Halazia
Be the light, oh, Halazia
I can’t tell you what Halazia means, but I think I know, even if I can’t find words for it. I hope I can live my life with some Halazia. It’s okay to be afraid as long as I don’t let that fear stop me from living my best life. I really want this year to be different, and I hope it will be. Not just for me but for you guys too. I hope this is your best year yet!
Sincerely,
LIBD
