Hey everyone. It’s been a while, but I’m sad again, so here I am. I love Anson Seabra’s music, and I’ve wanted to do a #MusicMonday for one of his songs for quite a while now. It’s been a rough few days though, and I think I finally found the one I want to write about. I’m not going to bore you with my problems just yet, so let’s dive right in.
Same ceiling, different day I'm awake so stay on my phone for 14 hours again Same lucky charms in the same bowl Look for rainbows but all the colors just go grey in the end
I don’t know what’s wrong lately. Maybe I’m overreacting. Perhaps I’m just more insecure than I care to admit. Every day seems like the same struggles that get harder and harder to ignore. I used to not care, so why do I suddenly care so much? Why does life hurt so bad right now?
Wish I could say, wish I could say That this won't last forever But every day, but every day It never seems to get better
I keep waiting for it to get better, but every day it doesn’t, just makes me feel that much worse. I just want to cry. When will it get better?
I hate myself but I don't want to I'd ask for help but I'm too strong to
I am supposed to know how to deal with life. I’m supposed to have all the answers to share with you guys. I’m supposed to prove that things get better, but why does it feel so horrible again? I don’t want to feel like this. I hate myself, but I don’t want to. I just do, and I wish I knew how to stop.
I got some feelings I've been fighting Always hiding the truth I hate myself but I don't want to
I don’t know who to talk to. Who can help me? I have so many people I can talk to, but why do I feel so alone? I’m worried my friend hates me, and I can’t ask her because she’s too nice to admit it. I don’t want her to only talk to me out of pity. It’s so exhausting trying to decide if someone hates me or if they really are just that busy. They seem to have time for everyone else, so why doesn’t she have time for me? I wish she would just tell me she hates me. It wouldn’t hurt so much if she hated me.
Friends say that I'm dramatic, that I'm acting Yeah, I'm just looking for attention again I never thought that this would happen Kinda sad when, when all you got is just a voice in your head
I hate that voice in my head. It’s so mean. Like Tomoons on Twitter right now, complaining about the tour, it just won’t shut up, and just like Tomoons on Twitter, I really wish it would shut up. Maybe I am over-dramatic. I can’t just go around asking my friends if they hate me. None of them would ever admit it to my face.
Wish I could say, wish I could say That this won't last forever But every day, but every day It never seems to get better
Nothing’s going right. I’ve got more important things to worry about. There’s a Oneus concert coming up, and I always thought I would go with my best friend, but I don’t even know if she ever really thought of me as a friend or if she was just being nice, hoping that eventually I would go away. I have other friends though, so why do I care so much?
I hate myself but I don't want to I'd ask for help but I'm too strong to I got some feelings I've been fighting Always hiding the truth
Why is it that no one ever seems to care about me as much as I care about them? What’s wrong with me? Am I a bad person? Is it because I’m too much? Did I do something wrong? I’ve tried so hard to be a better friend, and I know I have 2 friends who care about me. Is it because I’m too ungrateful? Am I too annoying? I always tell my friends that if they just tell me to shut up, I will………………… Why won’t she just tell me if she hates me?
I hate myself but I don't want to I hate myself but I don't want to I don't wanna live my life like this Going through the motion
Every day I try so hard not to care. I hate that I don’t have faith in my friends. I hate that I’m so insecure. I hate how I always act like nothing bothers me and then cry over stupid things like this. I don’t want to hate myself, but sometimes it’s just so hard not to. I’m not motivated and don’t take good care of myself. It’s not hard to believe that she might be my friend out of pity, but I wish people would just tell me straight. I’ll be hurt a bit at first, but I know it won’t hurt as bad or as long as this.
I don't wanna live my life like this Always feeling broken
I hate it. It sucks feeling like this. Being paranoid and never knowing for sure whether people really care or not. I have 2 amazing friends, though, but I thought I had 3, and that’s what bothers me. I hate feeling so broken like I’m always falling apart and piecing myself back together. Why am I like this?
I hate myself but I don't want to I'd ask for help but I'm too strong to I got some feelings I've been fighting Always hiding the truth
I just wish I had a magic wand I could wave to make everyone speak the truth. How pathetic am I? It’s no wonder she doesn’t like hanging out with me. Her other friends are probably more fun and reasonable. Her other friends probably aren’t as annoying. I always say, “A lot of people say a lot of things. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything.” I hate that I feel like I can’t trust anyone. I hate that I hate, but I don’t know how to stop. I can’t trust anyone, no matter how badly I want to. I hate myself, I hate my life, and I don’t know how to stop hating.
I hate myself but I don't want to [x4}
Thanks for reading. I don’t know. I kind of hope no one reads it. I was so excited about the concert, but the 1 person I was most looking forward to going with wasn’t going. I’m sure she doesn’t actually hate me. She told me the other day we would hang out soon because she misses me. But like I said, she’s just really nice like that. She always has a legit excuse, but for some reason, I don’t believe anymore that she doesn’t hate me. Don’t be mad at her. She’s a really fantastic person, and I hope the people she spends time with understand how lucky they are to have someone like her in their lives. Which is the exact same reason I’m concerned she’s only being nice to me because she’s just that good of a person. I keep telling myself to just leave her alone and not bother her, but I still try to talk to her for some reason. Anyway, it’s late. Life is always worse at night, so I’ll go sleep. Goodnight, guys.
Sincerely,
LIBD
