Hey guys, how’s it going? The title pretty much says it all. I used to be amazing. I did. I’m not talking about bible college though. That was just the precursor to where I am now, so we are going to pretend that never happened. I was though. Oh, if only I had started blogging back then…
Firstly, I was so much prettier. You know I used to wear eyeliner. It did wonders for my face. School wasn’t great, but I graduated. I used to dance when I was a kid. I was pretty darn good too. I loved it, until I didn’t. Even back then, muscular dystrophy was ruining my life. But it didn’t matter because I was amazing.
I wasn’t scared of tripping because I could just get back up, all by myself. Now I can’t walk anywhere without worrying about tripping and planning recovery strategies for if I did. Crossing the road is the worst because if I trip, there’s nothing to help me get up, so I have got to be careful. It wasn’t like that though, when I was amazing.
You know I didn’t just ride horses; I did jumping and cross country. Not at a competitive level, but I could do it. Me and Melody were quite the team, back when I was amazing. When I went to regular college, I got a near-perfect score on my final paper for my English class. I just forgot the works cited page; otherwise, it would have been an A.
Oh, and my room. My room upstairs at the house I grew up in was amazing. At one point, I had different shades of blue everywhere you looked. It was perfect. Then I moved down to the basement, and my church redid it so I had midnight purple and Caribbean blue walls. It was beautiful. With my blue comforter and sheets. And I used to be able to keep it clean, back when I was amazing. Everything would be neat and tidy and clean, and it was so satisfying and refreshing.
Back when I was amazing, I loved when everything was clean. It made my whole life feel better. Even after I gained all that weight in bible college, I went from 220 down to 168 at one point. I looked amazing. I could get up off the floor again. My basement was amazing. Then they sold the house, and I had to move. That wasn’t amazing.
I had been going downhill even before then though. I gained weight again. I got lazy again. Everything was a mess just like my brain was. I don’t know what happened. Now, I’m just…. This. And I don’t know if it will ever get better. Maybe my prime has come and gone.
A comedian once said he was like an iPhone. It was going to be worse versions of this from here on out, and he gets really hot in the middle of the day for no reason. I’m always hot in the morning. What if it really is just worse versions of this?
I don’t know what the future holds. All I know is that I used to be amazing, and every day it hurts to think about how the mighty have fallen. I know this wasn’t the end you were probably expecting. I was hoping it would have a more positive ending too, but oh well.
All I can say is, appreciate yourself. Back when I was amazing, I never thought I was amazing. I thought I was the opposite of amazing. I never appreciated how good I was. I only focused on my shortcomings.
Maybe I still am. Maybe even now I’m amazing. It’s actually quite amazing I haven’t given up yet. Maybe we are still amazing; we just can’t see past everything we’ve lost. I don’t know. Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you next time.
Sincerely,
LIBD
When I Was Amazing
