Tag: encouragement

four person standing at top of grassy mountain

Bathroom Dance Parties

Posted on by LIBD

What an odd title, huh? I promise it will all make sense by the end. I’m writing this on the last day of January, I think. I don’t actually know what day it is. I was feeling sick this morning, but after a nap, a few good meals, a shower, fresh sheets, and an early bedtime, I hope I’ll be better tomorrow. I finally started working out. I don’t have room for my workout table, so until I can clean and make room for it, I am doing step aerobics and an arm workout. I have discovered something while doing this. I have the stamina of a potato and the arm strength of a baby chick, but that just means there’s nowhere to go but up.

Are any of you familiar with the conqueror challenges? They are virtual journeys. They have actual trails and stuff, but I am currently journeying through Middle earth. I just completed the Shire, so that medal should be coming in the mail sometime this week. Edit: It came! If you follow me on Facebook or Instagram, you saw it a while ago, I love it!!! Anyway, they have an activity converter too, so my step aerobics count as part of the distance. They have all activities on the converter list, including household chores, mowing the lawn, and horseback riding, which will be great for lesson nights. Also, because it is The Lord of the Rings, riding will add some authenticity to the journey. If anyone is interested, it says that this; https://www.theconqueror.events/r/EC9701, will get you 10% off. That’s my referral code, and if you refer 2 people, you’ll get a free challenge. I don’t have a deal with them or anything; I just really love it, and it gives me a reason to be excited about working out. Also, I want a free challenge. They just released Aragorns journey in Return of the Kings, so once I drop the ring into mt doom. I want to do those next.

I also started eating healthier. I have an app where I can log all the foods I eat, to ensure I stay within my daily limits. It’s funny; before, I had tried many apps, habit trackers, or anything to help me be healthier and take care of myself, including a scheduling app. I’m still brushing my teeth AND washing my face every day, and I always snooze my alerts for that stuff. I guess all I needed was to not be depressed anymore. It feels so good to feel good about life. I mentioned in the previous post about the mindset app and how I had started listening to Eric Nam’s mindset, and I’m still getting through it. I turn it on while I wash my face and brush my teeth, and the episode I listened to tonight had a very unique ending. He said every once in a while, you just need to have a dance party and started playing some random dance party music, and I did. I danced along, smiled, trying to apply eye cream while dancing was difficult, but then halfway through, he was like, “… and smile. Smile big. Put the… I don’t know what it’s called the edges of your mouth up”.

Here’s the thing about me. I’m not a smiley person, but I did, and I felt so goofy in my pajamas with my fluffy spa headband on, smiling like an idiot. But once I started, it was hard to stop. I realized I always take life so seriously, but it doesn’t have to be. It can be goofy and fun too. I think that was good advice. I’m gonna try to have dance parties more often. I can’t wait to finish the series. He’s got such a way with words. I love people that talk to you and not at you. That’s how I try to write my blog. I don’t like when people who know everything try to impart all their smartness on me. I zone out. Woosung and Eric talk to you like a fellow human, not as someone who needs their wisdom, even though I’ve found it to be super helpful. It’s hard to describe, but I like that type of communication. Am I making any sense? Oh well, moving on.

Everything is a mess because I’m working like crazy to prepare for the craft event. I’m so grateful not only to you guys, who have encouraged me but to my family members as well. My mom and her husband paid for the business cards I designed. My grandma is offering to buy the tabletop displays, and my dad and his wife told me to make a nice poster/sign for my business, and they would get it for me. I’m still scared, but I’m also really excited. If it goes well, I should be able to break even on my expenses and pay off my credit cards. I don’t have ‘happy anxiety’ anymore. I’m just glad I’m happy and starting to take care of myself and make something of my life which really has been all I’ve ever wanted.

I just realized I’ve spent this whole time talking about myself and didn’t even say hello! How rude of me! How are you? Is anything exciting going on? I hope you are finding things to smile about, but if not, I would definitely give bathroom dance parties a try. If life is hard, remember to be kind to yourself. Take it 24 hours at a time, and if all you do is get through the day, then that is something to feel proud of. When I was struggling, it was so hard, but struggling isn’t a sign of weakness. Like Charlie Mackesy wrote, “asking for help isn’t giving up. It’s refusing to give up.” Asking for help is being strong and brave enough to say, “I can’t go this alone, but I don’t want to keep living like this.” I just made that sound so easy, but if you are a long-time reader, you know what a long road it has been for me to get here. Just remember, you deserve to be happy and loved. Most importantly, you deserve to be able to be excited about life.

I feel bad writing about when I’m happy because I know when I was depressed, I hated hearing about how happy other people are, but just know one day you will get there too. And all the hurt and tears and pain are worth it when you remember what it’s like to enjoy life. Eric Nam talked about “the process” I might have written about this in the last one, but it was a good reminder. Just because it’s not good doesn’t mean it’s terrible. We have to go through difficult times to get to where we want to be. So never give up because you are more than whatever you are going through now. And I’m cheering for you, and I hope you are cheering for you too.

Sincerely,
LIBD

iphone near spiral book and laptop

Regaining Control

Posted on by LIBD

Hey y’all! How goes it? How’s the new year treating you? Hopefully you said good, but if not, that really sucks, and I’m sorry your year is going poorly. I hope this blog post can help you. I’ve started writing stuff ahead of time, so I can post more consistently.

I’m writing this on January 24th. Honestly, my year is off to a good start for once. I’m also trying to be proactive, though. I’m trying to keep my mental health in check so that even if it gets bad, I can deal with it without spiraling into depression.

I just told someone I can’t talk on the phone, but I can text. They don’t need to know that the reason why I can’t is that I can’t be bothered. I don’t want to talk sometimes though. I do cherish my alone time. I’m making more jewelry, and I’ve been listening to Woosungs mindest series for the past few days. Mindset is like the calm app but WAY cheaper, and I like it better. Woosung, aka Sammy, is the lead singer/guitarist for The Rose.

I wanna start by saying thank you to Woosung. It’s not easy to be open and honest about your life, but he was, and the things he said helped me a lot. One of my favorite parts was an extra thing he did when talking about dealing with controversy. He said he admired people who were faced with a problem, and even though it was probably annoying and inconvenient, they focused on how they could fix it and go on with their life. He mentioned something that I’ve said numerous times. I say it differently than he does, and since it’s my blog, I will use my own words.

I say this to my coworkers all the time (not out loud, just in my head), “I’m sorry your life sucks, but it’s really not my problem, so if you could just do your job with a smile instead of ruining everyone else’s day that’d be great.” And out of all my shortcomings, that is the one thing I try not to do since I have been on the receiving end. When I’m having a bad day, I leave it all at home. As much as I wish everyone else could be miserable with me, that would make me what Woosung so elegantly referred to as “a negative a** person.” I laughed so hard. I don’t know why I found it to be so hilarious.

He also inspired me to start eating healthy and making a serious effort to care for myself. So far, I’ve brushed my teeth 3 nights in a row and washed my face last night AND this morning, AND I showered today!! I don’t even know who I am anymore. It’s awesome. He said something that normally would have been…. Triggering isn’t the right word; more like, ‘hell no.’ He talked about how if you don’t like something about your life, you can change it, but I looked at it a little differently this time.

In the past, it made me mad when people said that because I couldn’t just stop being depressed, but I realized that wasn’t it. If I don’t like the fact I’m not losing weight, then I can eat better. I’m trying to eat lots more vegetables and cut back on snacks and junk food. Today I had a salad for breakfast and a veggie sub for lunch….. but then for dinner, I had a double cheeseburger, potato teasers, and a hot fudge peanut butter milkshake, but even that is an improvement. He said once your body get’s used to healthier foods, it’s easier to stay away from the unhealthy stuff. And I feel so tired after that dinner, so clearly, it was a bad idea, haha.

If I don’t like my messy room, I can clean it. Still, cleaning is sometimes hard for me, so even if I don’t clean it, I can remind myself that it’s just a room and the mess has no effect on my life despite being a mild annoyance. Sometimes when I’m depressed, it feels like my life is out of control, but that’s not true. Sure, there are things we cannot control, but we can control how we react and deal with those things. When I’m depressed, I can think about how horrible my life is, or I can say to myself, “I’m depressed, and that sucks, so if I’ll I do is watch tv, then I should at least enjoy that.”

I think that’s where I always got it twisted. I try to change situations instead of finding a better way to deal with the situation. I want to hold onto all of these things as the year continues, and hopefully, by the time this is posted, I will still be doing okay. I highly recommend the Mindset app. It has a daily check-in and stories from various people sharing their struggles, things they’ve learned, and how they’ve gotten where they are today. This will sound terrible, but the thing that gave me the most comfort when I was depressed was hearing stories about other people’s struggles. I’m sorry that anyone has to go through difficult periods, but when I’m depressed, I feel so alone. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who feels like that, and if they got better, then maybe I can too. I think I really am this year, but it’s still early, so we’ll see.
Thank you for your reading; please give it a like and subscribe. Comments are always welcome as long as you aren’t a negative a** person. Thank you for the kind comments; it really makes my day! I hope you guys are doing well, and I’m cheering for all of you and wishing you the best. Let’s all try to have a good year and look after our mental health. Thank you to Woosung, the mindset app, all my friends, and all of you readers and subscribers. I’m genuinely grateful to each and every one of you.

Sincerely,
LIBD

shallow focus of clear hourglass

Time

Posted on by LIBD

A better name for this series would be time, but oh well. Anyway, I bought an emotional first aid kit at a little boutique in southern Ohio. Almost any problem you can think of it can give you some food for thought and words of wisdom. As I was sifting through it for the first time, I saw a bunch of cards that I moved to the front to read when I had time. At the Top of One card, I saw it said, ‘Time is running out.’ It’s like an hourglass in the back of my mind reminding me I’m getting older and older, and my life is so uneventful and lame and boring. I was so happy to have answers, but the answers were not what I had expected.

I watched a Christmas movie the other day. This lady who falls and hits her head gets a ct scan and discovers she has a disease that causes tumors to form in her brain and has an estimated 3 weeks to live. This lady had been living her life like me. She had hobbies, goals, and dreams, but she also had a job and was perfectly content to let the possibilities be just that. When she hears she has only 3 months to live, she packs her bags, goes on a fancy expensive trip with all the money she’s accumulated so far in life, and starts speaking her mind. I know movies exaggerate real life, but that was like a 2-week trip, but it was a trip of a lifetime. Then she finds out that she’s not dying, and their ct machine has an error that makes tumor-like dots appear on all scans. Then she falls in love with the guy she has a crush on and lives happily ever after.

You’re probably thinking, “What on earth does that have to do with anything.” Actually, if you are a frequent reader, you aren’t thinking that at all you are thinking, “Stop talking and get on with it,” so calm down I am. My point is I’m always waiting to live my life. I’ve written about this before, but if I want to live a meaningful life, I have to find meaning where I am. The world cup just ended, and Argentina won!!!!!!!! I was so happy, and y’all know how much I love quotes. Messi seems like a smart dude, and it turns out he is because I found one quote I really loved. “Every time I start a year, I start with the objective of trying to achieve everything without comparing it to how I’ve done in other seasons.” With a new year just beginning, it’s no wonder I loved it so much. I’m going to try that this year. I don’t play soccer or do sports, but I will try and make the most of this year.

So often, I have this idea of how I think a “good” year would be. If it’s not matching that vision, I give up and automatically declare it another wasted year. This brings me to another quote, “I go out and do the best I can in each game, and I don’t think about the fouls other players will commit or whether I might be injured. It only does you harm to worry about those things.” I told you he was a smart dude. However, worry is my middle name, so it’s gonna take some practice. That’s how I need to approach life. There’s no time to think of those things in a soccer match when you’ve got the ball. The only thought on your mind is how to get it past the other team into the goal. Life isn’t always as fast paced and intense, so there’s lots of time to worry about anything and everything. Also, he wouldn’t have the answer even if he thought about it. He can’t see the future, so it makes sense he wouldn’t think about it.

Sometimes I think my worries turn into a prophecy. For example, I think if I sing in front of other people, I will mess up and embarrass myself, so I don’t do it henceforth I won’t embarrass myself. I never stop to think that it’s not a guaranteed outcome; it’s just a worst-case possibility. I don’t know about you, but I often plan my life using my worries as a factual guide, which they aren’t. It reminds me of a quote from my favorite book, “Imagine how we would be if we were less afraid (The Boy, The Mole, The Fox, and The Horse).” It can be scary because you don’t know whether or not your fears will be realized until it’s too late. Such is life, though; if we want to truly live, we can’t let fear control our lives.

You all know I’ve been overcoming my fear of jumping. At my last riding lesson of the year, we had a chance to jump, and it was just like Messi said; I didn’t think about the fact I might fall off. I thought to myself there’s the jump; we know what to do, so let’s do it. I could’ve fallen off. I didn’t jump for the longest time just because of that possibility. It’s actually a lot of fun, and while we aren’t spot on every time, she doesn’t refuse anymore and doesn’t come back to a walk. Even if she doesn’t jump, she’ll pick up her feet enough to trot over it.

One last quote of his before I finish “The best decisions aren’t made with your mind, but with your instincts” I know my mind is trying to be helpful, but it really isn’t. I remember getting tickets for the meet and greet with Oneus. My brain had 100 reasons why I really didn’t need to do it. I have social anxiety; I might embarrass myself; what if they hate me? So many scenarios that didn’t end well for me. But then I had a split second where I thought, “but it’s oneus, so how bad could it be.” So I clicked buy and completed the purchase before I remembered why I shouldn’t, and it was actually….. It could have been a LOT worse. The advantage of horseback riding and soccer is that you must rely on your instincts. They can’t stop in the middle of the field and pause the game until they figure out how they’re gonna score. In horseback riding, I talk out loud to myself when I’m riding up to the jump, so I don’t think. I’ll say, “We got this. We are lining up with the jump, keeping leg on, eyes up, not looking down, and leg leg leg two point”. Then it’s over, and we survived. I know how to jump, and I’m perfectly capable, but sometimes my mind overpowers my instincts.

I want to live life. Really truly live this year, so I have to start trusting myself. Even if things go wrong, I need to accept that that’s a part of life. It’s going to be scary, and I can’t be sure that the outcome will be positive, but maybe if I trust myself and stop letting my fears control me, I can make the most of each day of my life, and the time won’t fly by. Or at least if it does, I’ll have more happy memories along the way. I always joke that I’ve been riding long enough to know how to not fall off. I’m sure I will again at some point, but I don’t think about it (unless I’m jumping). I’m trusting Sunny and myself and doing better than ever. I think life is the same way. This may be my first life, but I’ve lived enough to know how to at least pretend I know what I’m doing, so if I trust myself, who knows? Maybe I’ll surprise myself.

Thank you so much for reading. I hope to see you again for the last part of the series!

Sincerely,
LIBD

macro photography of red rose

Healing

Posted on by LIBD

Hey guys!! I’m finally back! If you follow me on Twitter, you will know that Oneus got 4 wins!!! I wanted to make them cry, and we did, lol. Now they have a total of five. The Music Bank win was emotional for all of us. I don’t think there was a dry eye among Oneus or Tomoons. Anyway, even more, exciting K-pop news… The Rose is back!!!!!!! After a long, long time, they are back with a light stick, a tour, and a brand-new album!!!! Y’all, this album……. Damn. It’s soo good, guys, literally soooooo good. I listened to it all day the day it came out over and over and over again. If you haven’t figured it out by now, this post will be about their new album, so I would like to dedicate this post to them.

For the longest time, I thought if I could just get my life together, then everything would be okay. Once I got a job and my license and learned how to make phone calls without having a panic attack, I thought that would solve everything. I even buy my own groceries, just like a real adult. Which is why I think I was feeling so depressed. I had marked off my entire to-do list, but nothing changed; I still wasn’t happy. That magic feeling that I was hoping to feel never came.

The day the album was released, I started listening to it right away. The title of the album is Heal. I cried a bit; the lyrics were so honest and comforting. I’ve always said their music feels like a warm hug, but it was especially true with this album. I could quote 2 paragraphs worth of song lyrics like I did on Twitter the other day, but I won’t. Which means you will have to go listen to all the songs yourself. There was one song I kept coming back to, and it was their song, Cure. The one part I just couldn’t get out of my head goes…

"I just wanna feel the world
Around me more and more
Cause everybody fears the one
The one thing they can't cure
Just tear the page
Spoken parts
Broken pieces of our hearts
To find a way to heal the world
Without a single word
Recover us"

It reminded me of a line from another song that I realized is no longer stuck in my head now that all these new songs have taken up residence. It was a line from the song ‘All our Lives’ by Andrew McMahon. It says,

“There are only two mistakes that I have made. It’s running from the people who could love me the best and trying to fix a world that I can’t change.”

All our Lives

I wanted to fix my life. I tried to fix everything around me, hoping it could fix everything inside of me. I thought if I could just get my life together, then I would be better, but that isn’t how it works.

No amount of outward success can heal me on the inside. I think that’s where healing starts; the inside. You can stand under an umbrella, but it’s not going to make the rain disappear. Healing is tricky though. It’s hard accepting your mistakes, forgiving yourself, and learning to love the person I am. A person whom, by the way, I’ve been at odds with for my entire life. Part of it is that I don’t know how to forgive myself. I don’t know how to make peace with myself and appreciate myself as I am. Someone close to me just told me that I don’t care enough about other people and only put myself first. My friends assured me they were being ridiculous, but they weren’t totally wrong. I am self-centered. When I go out of my way to do stuff for other people, it’s exhausting. I’m not good enough to be proud of myself.

I feel so stupid when I make the littlest mistakes. I’m so good at giving advice and so bad at taking it. These are the things I’m talking about though. Even if I have a fantastic job, get married, and have my own house. None of that is going to fix the storm going on within me. I want to like myself. I want to not be so critical and hard on myself. There’s a part in another song on the album called Time, which goes like this…

Time will heal us
Oh, know the healing won't be overnight
Countless nights crying over mights
Oh yeah, know the healing will take time
Start dealing with it now.

That’s why I want to start dealing with it now. I need to make peace with myself if I want to be the best I can be. It might take time, but I’ve got the part about countless nights of crying down, so I guess that’s a good start? I ordered their album. I hope they included a step-by-step guide to healing. It’s funny that the girl who spent the last 4 years in therapy doesn’t know how to heal herself. Maybe I’ll ask a psychiatrist at the next appt. It’s getting late though, so I better get some sleep.

Also, I’m going to try to get started on the next series soon. I’ve got a plan; I just need to start writing, so keep an eye out for that. I hope you enjoyed this, and please listen to their album and pay attention to the lyrics. I hope it can comfort any of you who may be struggling just like it did for me. I hope you all are well, but that’s okay even if you aren’t. I’ll be here cheering for you, so let’s all do our best this week. I would like to point out that I didn’t tell you to have a good week; I said let’s do our best. That means even if your week isn’t good, it doesn’t have to be bad, either.

That was very cryptic, I know. Thank you so much for reading. Please like, subscribe, or leave a comment. I know I say I’m not nice, but that’s just because I know a lot of nice people. I also know a lot of not-nice people, and I promise I’m not that bad. Also, I’m shallow like a kiddy pool, so comments are almost as exciting as receiving a surprise gift.

Sincerely,
LIBD

#MusicMonday (Still Dream by Woojin)

Posted on by LIBD

First off shout out to Woojin! If you love K-pop you HAVE to listen to this album. It’s so good, and there is not a single song I don’t like. I love how personal it is too. You can tell he really poured his heart into it, and that’s not an easy thing to do. I almost didn’t post part 3 because it’s scary to open up about struggles and life and be so honest about it. He did though and it’s great so make sure you check out his album. This translation is from klyricsforyou.com, so shout out to them as well for their amazing translations.

Even within danger
My dream has beautifully blossomed
It’s faraway but even in the darkness
There is always a way

I think people exaggerate the concept of dreams. I want to continue to dream though. Because without dreams, what is life? Life is inspired by dreams, and that’s why we need them. I think it’s important though, to be realistic about dreams. Dreams are meant to be lived, not achieved. Any second I’m blogging, I’m living my dream. Every riding lesson, I am living another dream. So, what if I’m not a world-famous blogger? Who cares if I’m not a Grand Prix level Equestrian? Have you seen how high those jumps are?! They look terrifying! I need to give myself more credit for every little step I take.

I know this but I’m always nervous
My days that are always headed toward you
Dance above the waves
But I, oh, I still
Still dream

I am a little nervous. It’s hard for me to wake up with a brand-new outlook because, as I expressed in the last post, what if it doesn’t work? I can make it work though. Today I worked with one of my favorite co-workers and worked more on this post! It feels good to enjoy life again, which means being content with growth, however small it may be.

Chorus: I’m shouting and running to you
Even if I’m falling right now
Fly, toward you

I know it won’t instantly be perfect, but hopefully, I can keep getting better, working harder, and dreaming bigger. The members of Oneus wanted to be idols. They became idols, and now their dreams keep getting bigger. Yes Ravn, Tomoons have been listening, and we will do our best to help you conquer billboard next.

Chorus continued:
Endless darkness chases after me
Even if it drenches my wings
Fly, even farther, I’ll go

Whenever I’m feeling down, I will think of Oneus and Woojin. They never gave up even when it got hard; eventually, hard work will pay off. For Oneus, it was their first music show win. For Woojin, it was making music again. For me…. More likes and follows. What can I say? I’m shallow, like a kiddy pool. I explained to someone yesterday that I have 106 email subscribers, but my brain doesn’t make the connection. It will always be just a place where I write down my thoughts and sort through my feelings. Whenever I get likes, I’m always like, “eh, it was probably just an accident,” lol.

Where am I? Where is the end?
It was a night when I desperately wanted to ask
But the answer is still
In the unknown tomorrow

The amount of work you have to put in to get where you want to go can be daunting. I’m tired just thinking about it. But I will take it one day at a time, at my own pace, believe in myself, and not think about other people’s standards, just like Oneus taught me. I know every K-pop fan says their favorite group is the best, but Oneus is the best. We are just waiting for everyone else to get on the train. Woojin, please, I need more music so I can love you more, but for now, have fun on your tour!

Even the mirage in the desert
Can be seen by those who dream
So I, oh, I still
Still Dream
[Insert Chorus]
Ooh oh Ooh oh fly higher
Ooh oh Ooh oh fly farther

So let’s do it, guys!! Let’s not be afraid to still dream amid the chaos and clutter of life. I want to be happy, and now I know how to do it. I still have a long way to go, but that’s okay because at least I’m going now.

My small wings are weakly flapping
It’s not enough to fly far ahead
But because you’re far away over there, I can’t stop
Because even the darkness will turn into brilliance if it’s you

I was making my author bio the other day, and everything I researched said the same thing. First: write in the third person. That’s right, the internet told me to, and I felt like a moron doing it. Second: Keep it short and sweet. Third: Establish credibility. Here’s the issue though… I have none!! I may just be me, but that’s not an insult. I’m still finding my way, is all. And that’s okay. And why is that okay, Oneus??? Because “A little slower not gonna hurt your vibe.”

I’m shouting and running to you
Even if I’m falling right now
Fly, toward you
Endless darkness chases after me
Even if it drenches my wings
Fly, even farther, I’ll go

More than anything else, I want to be nicer to myself. I want to stop accusing myself of being a failure because I don’t want to do anything some days. It doesn’t mean my life is ending. All it’s doing is taking away any chance of joy in my life. I’m lazy! I can’t help it, but maybe it’s time to love that part of me too, instead of being ashamed of it. Everybody needs to rest sometimes. Dreams are centered around growth. If you are growing, you are living your dreams. Woojin went through a really, really tough time before this album. I could write an entire post expressing my anger towards that situation, so I will just say this.

I think there are a lot of people who still owe him an apology. However, instead of apologizing, they just pretended as if nothing had happened. I would have given up if I were him, but he didn’t. Even after that, he continued to follow his dreams, and I hope I can be more like him. Learning Korean got extremely difficult, so I stopped and gave up. I hope I can be like Woojin and find the strength and courage to carry on, even when a situation seems hopeless. It’s okay to take a break because I was getting frustrated with how difficult it was, but it’s not okay for me to give up. Your dreams aren’t dead as long as you put forth the effort.

Living dreams doesn’t mean winning every music show. It doesn’t mean having a blog with thousands of likes, comments, and followers; it definitely doesn’t mean everything is going right. Living your dreams is when you don’t have a popular blog, you don’t win every music show, and everything is going wrong, but you keep moving forward despite all of it. As long as you are trying, you are living your dream.

Ooh oh Ooh oh fly higher
Ooh oh Ooh oh fly farther

Sincerely,
LIBD

Being Inspired by Dreams

Posted on by LIBD

In the article Oneus: The Concept Kings Reign in London, the author asks Oneus what messages they would want to give fans inspired to follow in their footsteps. This was the answer they gave:

“If you [only] keep your dreams as a dream in life, you cannot actually achieve anything. But we went for it”

-Hwanwoong (Oneus)

When I first read this, I wanted to say, “It’s easy for you to say Woongie; you’re already there!” Then I read the quote over again and realized I was wrong. It probably was easy to say, but the journey that led them to the interview where he said it was most likely anything but. They gave everything they had to get where they are today. This is why as much as I would like to be angry about his statement, I can’t.

If you’ve read my blog before, you know I have a rocky relationship with myself. I struggle with being a perfectionist and setting impossibly high standards for myself. Then when I don’t reach those standards, I become disappointed with myself for being a failure. It’s something I’m still working on. It’s not easy trying to follow my dreams when there’s no way to be sure my hard work pays off. It’s so much work for something that isn’t guaranteed. Many trainees at K-pop companies don’t debut, and their hard work amounts to nothing. Well, not nothing. Sometimes they become back up dancers or something like that. Even so, that’s a terrifying thought for me. That you could put in so much effort and have it not turn out the way you want.

I’m sure it wasn’t always easy for Oneus. We only see what they let us see, and only know what they tell us, but perhaps they had days when they felt discouraged. Or felt like their hard work wasn’t paying off like they were hoping. Luckily, they have Tomoons to love and support them every day. Xion always talks about how we give them strength and encouragement to keep going. Perhaps they are too busy to contemplate life as much as I do. As I said, I only know what they tell us, so these are my assumptions. I’ve written about it before, but Xion once said he hopes that when we think of them, we feel encouraged just like we make them feel. Fear not Xion, we do. On days when I don’t want to work, I think about how hard they work. I’m sure they have days they don’t want to work, but they do it anyway and give it their best, so I will too. The other night I had the worst panic attack I’d had in a while. I listened to their music, focusing on figuring out who was singing which part until I calmed down. Then watched them build furniture from Ikea until I felt like I could breathe properly again.

Everyone always tells you to chase your dreams. I probably said it at one point too, but I think the concept of chasing dreams is slightly misleading. Following your dreams sounds a little off too. I’ve always believed that you chase your dreams, then catch them, and then life is complete, and you can be happy. Oneus achieved their dream, but they haven’t stopped though. They keep working at it every day, making new goals for themselves. As we work towards our goals, it can get more complicated, which I am learning to understand as I try to improve my blog. For Oneus, I believe that as it got harder, it also got more manageable. They’ve grown so much as a group and keep getting better. So maybe it isn’t getting any easier, but they keep getting better at it, and I think it’s more enjoyable for them. They finally got to participate in ISAC (K-pop Olympics), and they had really been looking forward to it. After almost 2 years, they’ve been able to perform again and see Tomoons worldwide, which I know was on the top of their to-do list during Covid. They also got their first music show win.

However, I think the biggest thing that I can’t understand about Oneus is when they lose. They act like they don’t care about losing, but I do, and so do the other Tomoons. After a tough loss, I finally snapped and asked another Tomoon, “Why the hell aren’t they furious right now?!” Someone said it was because they knew we worked hard for them even if we didn’t win. Oneus knew that Tomoons did their best, and that’s all that mattered to them. We aren’t even allowed to apologize to them when we lose! Because all they care about is that we did our best regardless of the result. Winning is just the strawberries on top of the cake for them (Tomoon will appreciate that metaphor).

It’s tough for me to wrap my head around that. As I said earlier, in my mind, there has always been success and failure. Until I’m succeeding, I’m failing, but success isn’t that simple. Perhaps I should focus on putting in the effort instead of obsessing over the result. Maybe I need to stop looking at my dreams as an end result. I enjoy having a blog, and that’s what I’m doing. Perhaps only 3 people read it, but I hope those 3 people enjoy each post. Because who cares if everyone reads it if it doesn’t mean anything to anyone? At that point, I’m just wasting my time.

Oneus said during the Black Mirror era that before they debuted, their CEO told them something that they were finally starting to understand. He said, “It’s good if you do good from the start, but you don’t need to be rushed. It’s good if you grow little by little.” It’s funny because all of them (Keonhee and Xion especially) talk about how they promise to get better and do better. Whenever they say that I’m like, “Dude, you guys are amazing. You don’t have to keep trying so hard.” But I think I get it now, and I also promise to keep improving my blog the best I can. I’m not saying I’m amazing, but there is always room for improvement.

I’ve always struggled with black and white thinking, but maybe I can learn to live in the grey area. Oneus only has one music show win so far. Still, even though they have already achieved their dreams of debuting in a successful group and getting a music show win, they aren’t stopping or slowing down. I’ve always focused too much on the end result. Maybe I can learn from Oneus. Maybe going step by step isn’t that bad. I said in the last post that I wasted a year of my life, but I didn’t. I’m going to get my driver’s license soon. I’m hoping to finally find a dentist next month. I gained some weight, but it definitely could have been worse. I’m improving with jumping in horseback riding class, and my teacher said I’ve improved greatly in the past 2 months.

The only reason the past year sucked is that I told myself it did. I actually did really good! My blog has come a LONG way in the past month too. I’ve been working hard editing all my past posts, adding photos, and improving SEO (Which was a nightmare and a half). Even if I’m doing good, I always want to be better, just like Oneus, but I am getting better. Maybe instead of constantly analyzing and trying to control every day of my life, I can try enjoying it. A line in one of Oneus’ songs says, “aren’t you looking forward to life?” (Bonus point if you knew that was from the Music Monday I did for their song Now). I’m not right now, but I want to look forward to life again. So just like Keonhee and Xion, I will do my best to show a better version of myself in the future.

Sincerely,
LIBD

K-Quotes: Giving Up

Posted on by LIBD

Hello everyone! How are you doing today? How is life treating you? I know I haven’t been posting consistently, but I’m going to talk about that a bit today. This quote is on the longer side, so we will start with the first half and discuss the second half later on. Let’s get to it!

I focused only on music. I thought my dreams would come true. Sometimes I was sure of it. However, not everyone gets to have their dream come true. It was hard to achieve my dreams, but giving up was easy.

Ocean Likes Me

I don’t know if I ever actually thought my dreams would come true so much as hoped that my life wouldn’t suck forever. Every once in a while, I was almost sure of it. One day my blog would become well known and inspire thousands of people, and my life would actually have a purpose. He was right though. Not everyone gets to have their dream come true, and giving up is the easiest thing in the world.

In the book, I decided to Live as Me by Kim Soo-Hyun she says. “Humiliation and insignificance are the feelings that people find hardest to endure” (Page 41). She says something else too, but we’ll get to that part later. Honestly, I think that’s what it came down to for me. Giving up is so easy. I love giving up; it’s horrible. If I don’t achieve my dream, it will be because I gave up. The alternative is trying my best only to discover how insignificant I really am and the humiliation of a life with no purpose.

Perhaps that was a bit dramatic, but when I heard those words, my first instinct was to think, “That’s so stupid; you should never give up on your dream,” but I just sat there and realized I had done the exact same thing. It wasn’t that my blog wouldn’t eventually become popular, but the fact that I stopped writing. That way, I would have a good reason why my blog has very few engagements and followers. I know they are out there somewhere because WordPress tells me how many subscribers I have, but it’s hard when I see blogs with so many likes and comments, and followers.

For a blog that is supposed to be about helping and inspiring others, I sure spend a lot of time talking about myself, don’t I? I just want to know without a doubt that my blog isn’t insignificant and that for someone somewhere, I was able to inspire or encourage them the tiniest bit. Enough about giving up and the horror of living an insignificant life. Let’s move on to the rest of the quote.

At that time, after I basically gave up on all of my dreams, I met you who would stay up all night for their dreams, and it made me dream too. I want to make music again.

Obviously, making music isn’t my end goal, but Oneus is on the last week and a half of their comeback, and we haven’t gotten them a single music show win. We voted and streamed our hearts out, but it just wasn’t enough for the size of the fandom we were up against. I told a fellow Tomoon that I feel like I should be used to losing by now, as terrible as it sounds. Try as we might, we only ever got them 1 win, and it breaks my heart because I know that as much as they deny it and say that we shouldn’t feel sorry, I can’t help but feel like Oneus is just as disappointed as we are. However, even after the many disappointing losses; Oneus didn’t stop making new albums, and they went into every comeback 110% ready for the win that may or may not come.

They haven’t given up though. Because no matter the odds against them, they want to achieve their goals. Also, there is usually a minimum number of years you must participate in the group when they sign their contracts. Still, they’ve never given any less than their best, even when the odds weren’t in their favor. I suddenly realized that even if my dream never came true, it wouldn’t be meaningless because the meaning could be found in how hard I tried, just like Oneus. They never give up and improve more each and every comeback. Giving up is the most effortless thing to do, but the moment I gave up is when my life actually became meaningless.
In the book I mentioned above, the author continues by saying, “Even if we don’t become what we expect to become, even if we have to bear the feeling of being insignificant, we should face our true selves and not make excuses” (Page 42). Throughout the entire book, I think ‘living as me’ isn’t about my successful life. It’s about learning to be content with a perfectly ordinary life. And above all, creating a life, we can be proud of regardless of how significant others think it is.

He achieved his dream in the end, and I think that was a pretty shitty ending because that’s not always how it happens. I think we should be teaching children not to follow their dreams (although it’s good to have goals and objectives) but to be content with being ordinary. There’s more to life than the meaning as a whole. Even if I never inspire anyone and never change the world, at the very least, I can contribute and enjoy it. Appreciating your favorite food or a nice summer drive with the windows down and music loud. Maybe I don’t have tons of pictures and stories of adventures with friends because I don’t have many. Still, I have friends, and I can learn Korean; I can work out, eat healthily, and feel good about myself. In this moment, what can you do to make your life something you and you alone can be proud of and look back one day saying, “At least I lived well.”

So I will try to be more selfish and focus entirely on myself, my own values, and what is important to me. I will try to stop caring what others may think of me. And try not to let disrespectful and rude behavior get to me from people who add nothing positive to my life. I’m going to think about what I want for myself. I like my job, and I’m working on getting my license. Maybe one day, I’ll look for a better job, but for right now, I’m perfectly content exactly where I am, and I’m proud of how far I’ve come. At the end of the day, that’s what makes a life meaningful, and if I can do that, I am not insignificant or humiliated. I’m striving to find the little things that make life worth living to one day look back and say, “At least I lived well.”

Wow, I wrote this whole thing in 1 and a half hours, but it’s really late, so I better go. None of us are insignificant. The author also mentioned in the book that this is our first time living which means we aren’t going to be perfect at it. For that reason, no one should feel humiliated for being themselves and doing their best to be happy. I encourage you guys to think about what it is that you want. Pretend no one else exists and ask yourself if you are living well. I’m not right now, and maybe you aren’t either, but that’s okay. We can learn from our mistakes, and as Ravn said at the concert, we should stop listening to the voices around us. They aren’t the ones who have to live your life. We should listen to our own voice, challenge ourselves, never be afraid to be wrong, and always strive to make the most of every day, so one day, we will all be able to say, “At least I lived well.”

Sincerely,
LIBD

K-quotes: Memories

Posted on by LIBD

Welcome to another K-quotes! Although it’s more of a story than a quote, it’s from a kdrama, so it still counts!!! A few announcements first…. Number 1: my YouTube channel is finally up and running, so there will be no more written whatever Wednesdays. 2: I revamped my blog’s layout. At the side or bottom, depending on what kind of device you are using, you can now find direct links to all of LIBD’s social media accounts.

There’s also a list of top posts for anyone who would like to read more of my stuff but are afraid of choosing a boring one; you should be safe with any of those. Lastly, don’t forget to subscribe if you haven’t already, and let’s get this started!

The boy woke up from another awful nightmare. Bad memories from the past that he wanted to forget were replayed on his dreams every night and haunted him nonstop.

He was terrified of falling asleep, so one day, he went to the witch and begged. “Please get rid of all my bad memories, so that I won’t ever have a nightmare again. Then, I will do everything you ask.” Years went by, and the boy became an adult. He no longer has nightmares but for some strange reasons, he wasn’t happy at all. One night, a blood moon filled the sky and the witch finally showed up again to take what he had promised in return for granting his wish. And he shouted at her with so much resentment, “All my bad memories are gone but why can’t I become happy.”

Then the witch took his soul as they had promised and told him this, “Hurtful, painful memories. Memories of deep regrets. Memories of hurting others and being hurt. Memories of being abandoned. Only those with such memories buried in their hearts can become stronger, more passionate, and emotionally flexible. And only those can attain happiness.”

The Boy Who Fed On Nightmares (From the k-drama It’s okay to not be okay)

Every once in a while, a memory will pop into my head as I am relaxing or lying in bed at night. However, it’s not a good memory; It makes me feel stupid, embarrassed, or even ashamed. I don’t even know what made me suddenly remember. Then all I can think is “stupid, stupid, stupid.” If only I could go back and redo it, I would do it better, so it could be a better memory……… but I can’t.

Perhaps you have experienced this as well. Moments from your past come back to haunt you when you least expect them. Lurking in the corner of your mind waiting to taunt you with your mistakes and regrets. Reminding you how you disappointed someone else, let someone down, let yourself down, or just straight up made a fool of yourself. It’s awful, and I hate it.

Sometimes I wish I could make them disappear like the boy in the story did. It would be so nice to not be haunted by the mistakes and failures of your past. That being said, everyone knows you should never make a deal with a witch, but that’s a discussion for another day.

I’m sure it was lovely for him at first, but here’s the thing with bad memories and feelings…. They are only bad because they are worse than the good ones. Good memories or feelings are only good because they are better than bad ones. If life was always good, it wouldn’t really feel good because you would have nothing bad to compare it to.

Similarly, if life was terrible all the time, it wouldn’t feel terrible because you would have nothing good to compare it to. Not too long ago, I went through a really tough few weeks. I felt so down and depressed and sad and miserable……… And I told someone that this was why I never wanted to be happy because it would make the sad so much worse. However, I really liked being happy. Although I felt awful, those feelings were a testament to how good I had felt.

For the longest time, I was afraid of happiness because it was so rare for me, and if I was happy, it would make the sadness feel so much worse. I wasn’t wrong about that, but while the sadness was comfortable, I wasn’t doing good; I just didn’t have much to compare it to. Now I enjoy the happiness while it’s here, and even though I know it won’t last forever, I cherish every second of it. There’s a big difference between feeling good and feeling not bad.

Back to the memories, though, the witch made a good point. When I remember those things, they make me feel inferior, incompetent, and self-conscious. Still, I tell myself the same thing every time I find myself overwhelmed by the terrible feelings……. “but now I know better, so I can do better.” I know you guys hear me say that a lot in my blog, but it’s because I need to keep reminding myself.

For example, college was a disaster, but I learned that college just isn’t for me. I learned how to better deal with difficult situations so I won’t make those same mistakes in other areas of my life. As a camp counselor, I was not physically or emotionally strong enough to take on that role. I had no idea how difficult of a job it was.

There was so much to do, and you had to get a bunch of kids to the right place at the right time, make sure they had fun and didn’t fight, and do it all without crying or having minor breakdowns, which I just couldn’t do. One girl faked an asthma attack so she could go home. Another had a back injury and would say it hurt whenever she wasn’t getting her way. Then the nurse would yell at me because the girl had made a miraculous recovery by the time she got there.

In hindsight, it seems obvious, but it makes me feel like an idiot whenever I think about how bad at it I was. However, I learned being a camp counselor obviously wasn’t my calling. I still don’t know how I survived the summer. I don’t like to remember it, but when I do, I remember that when life gets hard, you gotta keep going if you want to get through it. I learned about responsibility and leadership and that I definitely don’t want any job that involves working with children or outside. I also learned why people send their kids away to camp.

Here’s the thing with me… I feel pure failure when someone tells me I’ve done something wrong. Like, one time at work, I accidentally did something I wasn’t supposed to do, and my manager very calmly said, “It doesn’t work like that. You aren’t allowed to do that” I must have had a kicked puppy look on my face that I get when I’ve failed because a few seconds late, she followed it with, “But it’s okay, accidents happen. Now you know for the future.”

I either do my job well, or I suck and I’m a failure, so if someone scolds me, it doesn’t matter how kindly they do it. You might as well just punch me in the face and tell me to do better because that’s how it feels to me when I make mistakes, and I never unfeel it for the rest of my life whenever I remember that time.

I have no shortage of bad memories, but when I put them all together……. They remind me that life is tough, but so am I. Just like the tagline in my blog’s logo says. We need these memories to learn and grow and to better appreciate our happy memories.

The most important thing to remember when my bad memories sneak up on me is that it’s over. I can’t change it, but I also don’t need to. I’m human. I made a mistake, and that’s not a crime. There are some pretty horrible things in life, but those dreadful things help us grow into the person we are today and make a better life.

I feel really sorry for the boy. He just wanted to forget. Sometimes I just want to forget too. Someone once asked me if I could do my life over again, what would I do differently. At first, I thought there were a ton of things I would do differently, but when I think back, I don’t want to have to do my life all over again.

There are many things that I wouldn’t be able to change, and quite frankly, I would like to just put it all behind me and let it be a memory. Also, even though my past wasn’t great, it got me to where I am now, and I think where I am now is pretty great.

Thank you for reading. I loved this story as soon as I heard it. It gave me a different perspective on my life, especially as someone who often struggles with bad memories and feelings from the past. I hope you enjoyed it, and as always, feel free to leave a like or a comment to let me know how amazing I am or not amazing…. Either way, you still read it, haha.

I hope you guys are all doing well, but if you are not, just remember, you were happy once, and even if it takes a while, you will be happy again. And if you don’t believe me, I’m prepared to swear on my entire kpop collection. If there’s one thing I can promise, it’s that life does get better, and you deserve all the happiness in the world.

Sincerely,
LIBD

A Moon

Posted on by LIBD

Hey y’all! This one is dedicated to my Tomoon friends. For those new to my blog, Tomoon is the name of Oneus fans. Oneus is a kpop group. Kpop is Korean pop music. Now that we are all caught up, I’m writing this because a Tomoon wrote something on Oneus’ fan board that really inspired me. They wrote,
“Everyone wants to be the sun to brighten up someone’s life, but why not be the moon to shine on someone’s darkest hour.”

It really got me thinking. When I was little, my parents would call me sunshine, and I didn’t hate it back then, but now I detest it. This is incredibly ironic, considering Sunshine is the name of the horse I ride in lessons, and I love her to death. However, yellow is my least favorite color. Sunflowers are my least favorite flower. I live in the basement. We got new LED lights at work, and I spent 5 minutes complaining about my poor vampire eyes. I’m actually a vampire witch. My eyes can’t handle the sunlight, and I also melt in the rain. Dynamite is my least favorite BTS song because I think it’s too happy. I don’t like most Kpop girl groups because they are too cheerful.

As you can see, I’m not a very ‘sunshine’ person. In church, they always talk about being a light, but they don’t specify which kind of light. Just that it’s good to be a light in someone’s life. When we think about light, we automatically think of sunlight since it’s so bright and makes us feel good, but there is also moonlight.

It’s fitting that I would be a moon since I’m a Tomoon, but this quote got me thinking that sometimes people don’t want the sun. Some days I hate when it looks so nice out. Sometimes the sun is too bright for me, and I always forget my sunglasses. I actually have a shirt that says black is my happy color. I just look good in black, plus black goes with everything. Years ago, if someone was sad, I would immediately try to cheer them up and make them feel better. Still, if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my mental health recovery, it’s that sometimes I don’t want to feel better. Sometimes I’m tired of the sun. You can get sunburn if you stand out in it too long without sunscreen. Sometimes sunlight just isn’t the answer. Sometimes I just want to be sad. Not miserable, just sad. Sometimes I don’t want to be positive and upbeat. Sometimes I don’t want anything except to be heard and know it’s okay to be sad or angry.

One time my friend was having a bad day, and she was telling me all about it, and when she was done, I was like, “Do you want the counselor answer or the friend answer?” She wanted the friend to answer, so I looked at her and said, “wow. That sucks!”. Sunlight is good sometimes. I like to look outside, see the sunshine, and admire it from inside in the air conditioning. It’s refreshing and warm, but the moonlight is lovely too. When I was in college, really struggling mentally, I remember being awake at like 3 in the morning. I would stare at the moonlight shining through my window onto the floor while wishing I could fall asleep. I’ve also talked before about how I like looking at the stars. I don’t enjoy the sun when I’m having a bad day. I feel like it’s mocking me. At night I get to sleep!

When I was in high school and stressed 24/7, I would stay up till 1-3 in the morning just to have time to myself. I didn’t have to feel like a failing student, trying to drown out the sound of my parents arguing with each other or worrying about whether or not they would find out that I didn’t turn that assignment in. That was also when I got over my fear of the dark because suddenly, 2am in total darkness and silence was the highlight of my day. Suddenly the night became more comforting to me than scary. When the sun came up, that was when the stress fest began again. My high school graphic design class often turned the lights off for the duration of the class, and the teacher didn’t even care. I miss that class. I miss photoshop too.

I liked what they wrote because it reminded me that moonlight is just as essential as sunlight. Even though they have different purposes, they are equally important. We always think of flowers as needing lots of sunlight, but there are actually some flowers that only open at night because the insects that help pollinate them are only active at night or in the evening. I already know plenty of people with sunlight to share, so I think I’ll be the moon. There’s lots of darkness in the world, and it can get awfully lonely sometimes. When it’s dark, it’s easier to get lost, and I think everyone needs some moonlight to make sure the darkness doesn’t get too dark. Before I ended up in the hospital, there were many nights when I would sit on the floor in my room in the middle of the night and just cry about how hopeless and awful everything seemed. I could have used a Moon back then, but I was surrounded by Suns, which was great during the day, but it made nights that much harder.

I’m proud to call myself a Tomoon because all the friends I’ve made are so kind and supportive, and of course, because Oneus is the best. Kpop aside though, I hope I can be a Moon to the people around me. All I’ve ever wanted in life is to be someone I never had for someone else. If I can make anyone’s life even a little bit better, I’ll know my blog isn’t pointless after all. And if there is anyone else who just feels like maybe they aren’t a sun, then don’t be a sun, be a moon. Everyone is unique, so don’t forget that even though the Sun and the Moon both have their own purpose, there is not one that is more important than the other. One day my friend told me, “It’s a good day to have a good day.” She is a sun. My response to that statement was, “Eww, gross.” I am a moon. That could be why we get along so well. Now that I think of it, most of my friends are Suns. I just have a different kind of positivity. Their positivity is more optimism and empowerment. My positivity, in a nutshell, is, “Well, it could have been worse.” I help them when they are feeling down, and they make sure that I buy clothes in other colors besides just black.

Thank you so much for reading. I was super excited to write this, so I hope you enjoyed it. If you did, feel free to give it a like or a comment to tell me how superb my writing is. Unless you’re my English teacher. Then I’m sorry you read this. I promise I didn’t sleep through the class; I just never liked “proper writing.” I remember one day, I turned in a paper, and the teacher handed it back to me and said, “This is too casual. You can’t write an essay like this”. Well, look at me now!!!! In my college writing class, I had to write a 7-10 page (so 7-page) paper, and I picked the topic of horse racing and whether or not it was animal abuse. I cited my sources throughout the entire paper but ‘forgot’ to turn in my works cited because it’s not like I was gonna get a good grade anyway. I’m awful at writing papers. Or so I thought. She hands it back to me, and I’m looking it over to find all the corrections about run-on sentences or grammatical errors………. But there were none! I got to the last page, and there was a note that said, “You cited everything throughout the paper. If you had taken the five minutes to add your works cited, you could have had an A”. How was I supposed to know I was gonna write a fantastic paper!!!!!!! I did work super hard because it was a subject I cared about, but that had never mattered in the past. Still, of course, my first and only amazing paper, and I ruined it because I was lazy!!!!! It was awesome, though. Everyone I gave it to thought it was a very well thought out and objective perspective on a controversial topic. I can’t believe I just wrote that last sentence. Anyway, every other paper after that sucked, but I learned my lesson about adding my works cited. I never understood that though. I later found out thought that in college, not adding citations is basically illegal. If I hadn’t added the sources throughout the paper, I would have gotten into trouble for not having my works cited page at the end.
You didn’t care about any of that though, so…………. Sorry. insert nervous laughter.


Sincerely,
LIBD

#MusicMonday (Incomplete by Oneus)

Posted on by LIBD

Hey guys!!!! Welcome to this #MusicMonday! I wrote this 2 weeks ago to go with my Living as Me series, but I already promised everyone their other song Now, so I’ve been saving this one for today. I love this song so much. Funny story: I listened to this song once when the album first came out and ignored it. I didn’t look up the lyrics, so I just heard the phrase, “my life is incomplete,” and assumed it was one of those cheesy breakup songs where someone dumps you, and your life is now incomplete. Those songs make me mad because you can live your life just fine being single. Yeah, I know. Anyway, everyone kept saying how much they loved this song and the lyrics, and finally, I was like, “Alright, let’s see what all the fuss is about.” Now it’s my favorite song from this album and probably of all time. Never judge a kpop song by its English lyrics.

I just look ahead and try to run
Stop doing meaningless things

I need to focus on what’s ahead and what I can do today to make tomorrow better. From here on out, it’s all about living the best life possible. I will learn how to appreciate my life, however simple and uneventful it may be. I’ve never liked being busy. I don’t know why I spent so long trying to make my life meaningful by other people’s standards. It’s my life and my journey, and my responsibility.

I don’t know if I’m halfway yet
But I’ll prove it, my life
I can’t even measure the time that’s passed

I like to think I’m halfway to my life being complete, but who knows? Not me, lol. I’m going to make my life something I can be proud of. I know I still have a long way to go, but I will make sure to do what I want from now on. It doesn’t matter what’s happened in the past. All that matters is now I have a happier future to look forward to. I need to prove that I can make my own choices for my own life. I can’t waste any more time.

“You can’t stop’
“You must not fall behind others”
“You always have to overcome”
Stop saying the stereotypical words
I wanna go my own way

Sometimes it’s okay to stop and take a break. Sometimes it’s okay to fall behind. I don’t know if you are familiar with a horse named Secretariat. Still, he is one of my two favorite racehorses. The other one (Ruffian) never knew what second place was. I don’t think she even knew it was a thing. She was famous for leading races from start to finish. Secretariat was different. He often liked to hang back, wait for the perfect moment to charge ahead and leave all the other horses behind in the dust to take the victory for himself. I admire Ruffian for her effortless-looking wins, but I admire Secretariat even more for his perseverance. He didn’t care if he wasn’t first the entire time. He knew he was gonna win in the end. Everybody is different. Some people might seem to have everything figured out by the time they turn 20. Others, like myself, may still be trying to figure it out when they are 26. It doesn’t mean either of us is a failure; we can’t all be Ruffians. Some of us are more like Secretariat. It’s not over till it’s over, so we shouldn’t give up just because we aren’t in the lead.

An endless running start
Now I’m standing at the starting line
I don’t care if I’m starting a little later than the others

It doesn’t matter if I start a little later than everyone else. We all just want to be happy and proud of who we are and what we do. I’m only 26. It’s not like my life is almost over, so I shouldn’t act like it is. Now that I’ve learned to live as myself, I look forward to seeing where that life takes me.

My life is incomplete, imperfect emotion
I'm twisted like a cretan maze
Destined to be completed somehow

I love this saying, “I’m twisted like a Cretan maze.” I looked it up, and a Cretan maze is an ancient maze design from Crete. It’s usually square or circular and very elaborate. Still, unlike most mazes you would think of, there is only 1 path, and it leads all the way to the center. It takes forever because the path is so long, but inevitably you will reach the end. I love it because it sounds a lot like life! It can be intimidating and scary sometimes, and you might think every now in then that the maze will go on forever, but eventually, you will make it to where you are going. I’m not lost because there is only one way forward; if I just keep going, I will make it to the end.

It’s okay if it’s not perfect
My life is incomplete yeah
It’s okay if it's not perfect
I, I, I Fly, fly away
I, I, I Fly, fly away
My life is incomplete yeah
It’s okay even if it's not perfect

I can’t get so focused on the destination that I forget to enjoy the journey, though. I used to think that once I got my license, a car, my own house, and a boyfriend/husband, THEN I would be happy, but I can be happy right now. My life is incomplete, but that doesn’t mean it’s any less valuable. Like Oneus says, It’s okay even if it’s not perfect. I can still enjoy it and be happy even if I don’t have it all together yet.

I'm a being legend, level up, do better (better)
There’s no giving up, drop the anchor here
I don’t need navigation
I ran like crazy with you to catch my dream

Navigation is useless because this path is my own. No one can tell me where to go because everyone’s life is different, so there are no maps. We are all just figuring it out as we go along. Again, some people are WAY better at it than others, but it’s not a competition because we are not competing for the same thing. We all have goals and dreams; if we want something, we need to go get it.

Don’t stop running even if you fall
Keep climbing
You have to overcome the weight of the crown

Can’t you just buy a lighter crown??? I’m kidding; I’m sorry. What is the old saying? “Heavy is the head that wears the crown” or something like that? If you want to be the King, you better start with neck exercises? In all seriousness, though, this is also important. I’m full of confidence and determination now, but I’m sure I’ll still have my days when I’m tired and don’t feel like running, but even if I need a tiny break, I mustn’t give up. Because I will too, that’s totally a me thing to do. I just have to remember to keep moving forward, and as long as I do that then, one day, my life will be complete

Sweep it away if you get hurt
endure it, and repeat however many times
Looking at it
With one step we can run
and I can fly again

I’m sure there will still be obstacles; there always are. It’s so annoying. Why can’t it just be easy?? No matter how many times I stumble and fall, I’ll just keep going, just like I always have.

[Insert Pre-chorus and Chorus]
I just look ahead and try to run
Stop doing meaningless things, yeah
One step, two steps, keep going and don’t stop
I’ll get there in the end, yeah

I remember this super old kids’ movie I watched every Christmas when I was young, and there’s this one scene where they are teaching….. I don’t know if it was an abominable snowman or something……. but they sing this song that goes, “put one foot in front of the other, and soon you’ll be walking out the door.” I just gotta take it one step at a time, one day at a time. I did one of those Cretan mazes the other day when I was reading about them, and I swear it wasn’t even a big maze, but since it was all one path, it took forever to get to the center!!!!!! Don’t be in a hurry, though. Remember you don’t have to wait till you get there to be happy. It’s a long road. We might as well do some sightseeing along the way to make it worthwhile.

Even if I can’t see the end
Just brush it off and get back up

Ah yes, that famous saying from Meet the Robinson’s “keep moving forward.” Life is tough, but so are we. My life is worth fighting for, and so is yours. I have 2 main things to knock off of my to-do list. I had a panic attack about it yesterday. I’m a grown adult who cried for like 20 whole minutes about making phone calls and going to the dentist. I was so ashamed. Thankfully my mom said she would help me. I can’t see the end, but I’m not going to worry about that right now. I’m going to enjoy my weekend off and look forward to hopefully buying a new phone tomorrow. I’m really gonna miss playing the “why isn’t my phone working today” game. Edit note: My weekend off was terrific, and I love my new phone. It’s not the newest one because I would never pay that much for a phone. It’s the 11, and it’s a bit bigger, but my tiny hands are slowly getting used to it. It works, and I don’t have to charge it every 5 minutes, so I am very happy.

I’ve been running breathlessly
I overcame failure like this and succeeded again
I just have to go my own way and enjoy it
I’m twisted like a Cretan maze

Honestly, it’s stressful making appts with new doctors, finding a new dentist, and my dog’s latest vet bill for her yearly checkup…… It’s a lot. Then, after all, this is done, I can move on to finding a new neuromuscular doctor and getting my license. I feel like it will never end, but I know if I keep working hard, I will eventually reach the center of the maze. I love Cretan mazes because there’s only 1 way, and it’s the right way, so you never have to worry about going the wrong way. However, they are such a hassle because the square doesn’t look big, but it takes forever because you have to go everywhere else before you can get to the end. It doesn’t look like it should be that long, but it is. That’s how my life feels sometimes.

It’s okay if it’s not perfect
My life is incomplete yeah
It’s okay if it's not perfect
I, I, I Fly, fly away
I, I, I Fly, fly away

My life is incomplete, but that’s okay. I’m not in a hurry and have plenty of time. My life is incomplete, but that’s okay. I’m not in a hurry and have plenty of time. I also plan to focus more on the journey than the destination. Like today I enjoyed the beautiful weather. I found out my earth and moon fan meeting merch should be shipped this week. Editing Note: I got it. It was AWESOME! The pictures were adorable, and the keychain was so pretty. It will be a nice reward for the essential but terrifying phone calls I need to make to schedule the appointments, even though I don’t like going to the doctor. That’s not till Monday or Tuesday, so I’m going to enjoy the weekend. I’ll watch a k-drama, play some Pokémon Go, and appreciate the little things every day instead of worrying about what’s next. I’ll deal with tomorrow when it gets here.

My life is incomplete yeah
It’s okay even if it's not perfect

It’s okay if my life isn’t perfect. I’ll get there when I get there, and until then, I’ll enjoy my life exactly how it is right now. My dog, my friends, Kpop, riding horses, and of course, my sacred me-time. This song made me realize that not having my life together isn’t bad. It may be incomplete, but that doesn’t mean anything is wrong with it. Isn’t life’s purpose? To keep striving to do better and grow more? If our lives were complete, there would be no point to them. Also, who knows how long that will take? That’s why I’m glad I’ve learned to be happy with the person I am right now. It’s okay, even if it’s not perfect.

Sincerely,
LIBD