Hey y’all! This one is dedicated to my Tomoon friends. For those new to my blog, Tomoon is the name of Oneus fans. Oneus is a kpop group. Kpop is Korean pop music. Now that we are all caught up, I’m writing this because a Tomoon wrote something on Oneus’ fan board that really inspired me. They wrote,
“Everyone wants to be the sun to brighten up someone’s life, but why not be the moon to shine on someone’s darkest hour.”
It really got me thinking. When I was little, my parents would call me sunshine, and I didn’t hate it back then, but now I detest it. This is incredibly ironic, considering Sunshine is the name of the horse I ride in lessons, and I love her to death. However, yellow is my least favorite color. Sunflowers are my least favorite flower. I live in the basement. We got new LED lights at work, and I spent 5 minutes complaining about my poor vampire eyes. I’m actually a vampire witch. My eyes can’t handle the sunlight, and I also melt in the rain. Dynamite is my least favorite BTS song because I think it’s too happy. I don’t like most Kpop girl groups because they are too cheerful.
As you can see, I’m not a very ‘sunshine’ person. In church, they always talk about being a light, but they don’t specify which kind of light. Just that it’s good to be a light in someone’s life. When we think about light, we automatically think of sunlight since it’s so bright and makes us feel good, but there is also moonlight.
It’s fitting that I would be a moon since I’m a Tomoon, but this quote got me thinking that sometimes people don’t want the sun. Some days I hate when it looks so nice out. Sometimes the sun is too bright for me, and I always forget my sunglasses. I actually have a shirt that says black is my happy color. I just look good in black, plus black goes with everything. Years ago, if someone was sad, I would immediately try to cheer them up and make them feel better. Still, if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my mental health recovery, it’s that sometimes I don’t want to feel better. Sometimes I’m tired of the sun. You can get sunburn if you stand out in it too long without sunscreen. Sometimes sunlight just isn’t the answer. Sometimes I just want to be sad. Not miserable, just sad. Sometimes I don’t want to be positive and upbeat. Sometimes I don’t want anything except to be heard and know it’s okay to be sad or angry.
One time my friend was having a bad day, and she was telling me all about it, and when she was done, I was like, “Do you want the counselor answer or the friend answer?” She wanted the friend to answer, so I looked at her and said, “wow. That sucks!”. Sunlight is good sometimes. I like to look outside, see the sunshine, and admire it from inside in the air conditioning. It’s refreshing and warm, but the moonlight is lovely too. When I was in college, really struggling mentally, I remember being awake at like 3 in the morning. I would stare at the moonlight shining through my window onto the floor while wishing I could fall asleep. I’ve also talked before about how I like looking at the stars. I don’t enjoy the sun when I’m having a bad day. I feel like it’s mocking me. At night I get to sleep!
When I was in high school and stressed 24/7, I would stay up till 1-3 in the morning just to have time to myself. I didn’t have to feel like a failing student, trying to drown out the sound of my parents arguing with each other or worrying about whether or not they would find out that I didn’t turn that assignment in. That was also when I got over my fear of the dark because suddenly, 2am in total darkness and silence was the highlight of my day. Suddenly the night became more comforting to me than scary. When the sun came up, that was when the stress fest began again. My high school graphic design class often turned the lights off for the duration of the class, and the teacher didn’t even care. I miss that class. I miss photoshop too.
I liked what they wrote because it reminded me that moonlight is just as essential as sunlight. Even though they have different purposes, they are equally important. We always think of flowers as needing lots of sunlight, but there are actually some flowers that only open at night because the insects that help pollinate them are only active at night or in the evening. I already know plenty of people with sunlight to share, so I think I’ll be the moon. There’s lots of darkness in the world, and it can get awfully lonely sometimes. When it’s dark, it’s easier to get lost, and I think everyone needs some moonlight to make sure the darkness doesn’t get too dark. Before I ended up in the hospital, there were many nights when I would sit on the floor in my room in the middle of the night and just cry about how hopeless and awful everything seemed. I could have used a Moon back then, but I was surrounded by Suns, which was great during the day, but it made nights that much harder.
I’m proud to call myself a Tomoon because all the friends I’ve made are so kind and supportive, and of course, because Oneus is the best. Kpop aside though, I hope I can be a Moon to the people around me. All I’ve ever wanted in life is to be someone I never had for someone else. If I can make anyone’s life even a little bit better, I’ll know my blog isn’t pointless after all. And if there is anyone else who just feels like maybe they aren’t a sun, then don’t be a sun, be a moon. Everyone is unique, so don’t forget that even though the Sun and the Moon both have their own purpose, there is not one that is more important than the other. One day my friend told me, “It’s a good day to have a good day.” She is a sun. My response to that statement was, “Eww, gross.” I am a moon. That could be why we get along so well. Now that I think of it, most of my friends are Suns. I just have a different kind of positivity. Their positivity is more optimism and empowerment. My positivity, in a nutshell, is, “Well, it could have been worse.” I help them when they are feeling down, and they make sure that I buy clothes in other colors besides just black.
Thank you so much for reading. I was super excited to write this, so I hope you enjoyed it. If you did, feel free to give it a like or a comment to tell me how superb my writing is. Unless you’re my English teacher. Then I’m sorry you read this. I promise I didn’t sleep through the class; I just never liked “proper writing.” I remember one day, I turned in a paper, and the teacher handed it back to me and said, “This is too casual. You can’t write an essay like this”. Well, look at me now!!!! In my college writing class, I had to write a 7-10 page (so 7-page) paper, and I picked the topic of horse racing and whether or not it was animal abuse. I cited my sources throughout the entire paper but ‘forgot’ to turn in my works cited because it’s not like I was gonna get a good grade anyway. I’m awful at writing papers. Or so I thought. She hands it back to me, and I’m looking it over to find all the corrections about run-on sentences or grammatical errors………. But there were none! I got to the last page, and there was a note that said, “You cited everything throughout the paper. If you had taken the five minutes to add your works cited, you could have had an A”. How was I supposed to know I was gonna write a fantastic paper!!!!!!! I did work super hard because it was a subject I cared about, but that had never mattered in the past. Still, of course, my first and only amazing paper, and I ruined it because I was lazy!!!!! It was awesome, though. Everyone I gave it to thought it was a very well thought out and objective perspective on a controversial topic. I can’t believe I just wrote that last sentence. Anyway, every other paper after that sucked, but I learned my lesson about adding my works cited. I never understood that though. I later found out thought that in college, not adding citations is basically illegal. If I hadn’t added the sources throughout the paper, I would have gotten into trouble for not having my works cited page at the end.
You didn’t care about any of that though, so…………. Sorry. insert nervous laughter.
Sincerely,
LIBD
A Moon
