This is dedicated to a certain person in my life. I’ve talked about this subject with other people, and it seems like everyone has someone like this in their lives. They also seem to appreciate my perspective on the matter but even then. You know I’m never as open in person as I am here. Maybe it’s because I think no one reads it, or maybe it’s because it’s my blog and I can do whatever I want. Anyway, let’s get into this.
Anyone who has read my blog knows that anger and sadness go hand in hand. I get angry but it’s also because I’m sad. I want to be able to talk to this person. I want a relationship that’s a 2-way street and it’s sad that I can’t have that. Today’s song is called Over Each Other. It’s by Linkin Park which is a long-time favorite band of mine.
You probably are familiar with their songs In the End or What I’ve done. This is off of their newest album. Their songs are so honest and relatable, and this song in particular makes me sad every time I hear it because I think about this person. I say it’s a lost cause, but I don’t want it to be.
This is the letter that I, I didn't write
Lookin' for color in the black and white
I’ve never been good at expressing my feelings out loud face to face. I did once and I didn’t like it. I don’t think I’ll ever do it again, but just because I don’t say anything doesn’t mean I don’t care. I’m just not used to being able to have a grown-up conversation when I have a problem with someone.
Skyscrapers we created
On shaky ground
So, for reference, the person that I’m writing about frustrates me because they won’t take responsibility for their wrongdoing doing they won’t admit their faults unless you agree to take half of the responsibility for what they did. They are better at talking than listening, and they get a terrible case of selective hearing when they don’t like what’s being said. It makes me angry because I’m listening, I’m empathizing, trying to respect their feelings, and they won’t do the same for me.
And I'm trying to find my patience
But you won't let me breathe
And I'm not ever right
All we are is talking
Over each other
I’m always wrong, they’re always right. When they don’t get their way they play the victim to try and get people to feel sorry for them. When they start to realize they are in the wrong they get aggressive and defensive. I want to be heard, and they don’t like what I’m saying so they talk over me and I’m trying to talk over them because I want them to understand me.
There's nothing underneath
It's all a waste of time
All we are is talking
Over each other
So, I just walk away. Then they get mad that I won’t fight with them. I’m not going to waste my time and energy on someone like that. If they want to waste their own time that’s fine, but they aren’t going to waste mine. I’m not going stand there and waste my words on someone who doesn’t have the emotional maturity to apologize and admit when they are wrong.
When you’ve hurt someone, it doesn’t matter if it was intentional. It doesn’t matter if you did nothing wrong. They are hurt so you listen to them (so you don’t accidentally hurt them in the future), and you apologize because what you did (whether it was something or nothing) hurt them enough that they felt the need to confront you about it. That’s how mature adults handle conflict.
Reaching for satellites
But all along
Under your breath, you're saying
That I was wrong, oh
When it comes to people’s feelings there is no right and wrong. By telling someone they are wrong you are invalidating that person’s feelings. Which is kind of a shitty thing to do when another person is trying to meet you halfway. You’ve heard me say that feelings are not facts and they aren’t.
Maybe you made a joke that you thought was hysterical and was not meant to come across as mean or insulting in any way, but you hurt someone’s feelings. Ask them why they were hurt and apologize that you hurt them because you were trying to be funny, but will not make jokes like that around them now that you know they find it hurtful. It’s not hard.
There’s a line in a song that goes “Swallow your pride before you choke on your issues”. I don’t remember the name of the song off the top of my head, but a big part of meeting someone halfway is being able to swallow your pride. Because if you don’t you may just choke on your issues or on your ego. I’m speaking from experience here. I screwed up in the past that’s how I know all of this. There’s a learning curve and it’s not easy!! I don’t want to make it sound like it is because it’s really hard, especially the first few times.
The skyscrapers we created
Are coming down
And free-falling to the pavement
Because if you can’t learn to communicate and compromise people cut you off or spend the rest of the time walking on eggshells around you constantly afraid to say the wrong thing or do something that will start an argument. They are not going to enjoy being around you. I don’t want to be around people like that. It’s so stressful and emotionally draining to be around them.
'Cause you won't let me breathe
And I'm not ever right
All we are is talking
Over each other
There's nothing underneath
It's all a waste of time
All we are is talking
Over each other
Oh, are we over each other?
Oh, are we over each other?
There’s another side to this. You can swallow your pride and own up and it doesn’t magically make everything better. It is a two-way street and if the other person isn’t willing to meet you in the middle, then sometimes it doesn’t work. In cases like that though you can have the peace of knowing you’ve done all you can and maybe one day they will extend a metaphorical olive branch, but until that day there’s really not much you can do.
I can't go to sleep
I lie awake at night
I'm so tired of talking
Over each other
I used to lay in bed wishing I could just talk to them. Talking openly and honestly can actually make a big difference in situations. People can’t read your mind so if you don’t tell them how you feel, how can you expect things to get better? No one can solve a problem if they don’t know it exists.
So say what's underneath
I wanna see your side
We don't have to be talking
Over each other x4
So don’t be afraid to talk. Don’t be afraid of being open and honest even if it sounds scary. But most importantly; listen, empathize, and own up to your mistakes. Don’t invalidate the other person’s feelings or brush them off because you don’t think you did anything wrong.
Thank you for reading! Let me know what you think. Do you agree or disagree? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments. Don’t forget to like this post and subscribe so you don’t miss out I hope you guys have a great week. I’m always cheering for you!
Sincerely,
LIBD
