Confidence

So, I recently started selling jewelry. You can visit my store here. In the spirit of making the most of each day and trying to truly live, I applied for a table for a local craft event. Everyone was like, “oh, that’s such a great idea! You can make so much more money in person than online.” I told them I felt like there’s going to be people with way prettier, more professional stuff. They were like, “yours is professional! You’ve already sold quite a bit.” It’s true. I made so many keychains this holiday season. They told me I needed to have more confidence in myself. They say it like it’s so easy to do.

I’m going to tell you guys a secret. Come on, lean in *whispers* I don’t know the first thing about craft shows. I have no idea what I’m doing at all. I’m just making it up as I go along, and so far, it’s been going pretty well but what if I’m just getting lucky? Even if they accept my application and I get a table. I don’t know how to set up a table. I’m not even good at talking to people. This is different from work, where it doesn’t matter. This is my hard work that I’m displaying to a bunch of randos! I don’t know how to talk to people. All I know how to say in a conversation with strangers is, “hi, what can I get for you today. Would you like American, provolone, or pepper jack? Lettuce, tomato, or cucumber? Will it be for here or to go? Did you want any chips, cookies, or drinks?” NONE of that will help sell my jewelry. My mom said she’d help me run my table if I get one, but I feel like that’s gonna turn into, “can you take care of this? I’m gonna go cry.” I’ll make sure I bring my anxiety medication.

So, when someone tells me to have confidence, it’s like, “I would love to; however, I know me, and that’s precisely why I’m concerned about the whole situation. It was so much easier when I didn’t do anything. If I don’t get accepted or they are out of spots, I’ll be more relieved than disappointed. But like, if you had seen me interact with people, you would know exactly why I think this is a bad idea. What if it falls over. What if I sell someone something, and it breaks? What if I knock something over and embarrass myself? How on earth can you expect me to have confidence?

And then selling, should I box things up? What if I sell a lot? Boxes aren’t cheap! What if I do that thing where I say something and don’t realize how horrible it sounded until I have already said it? I talk when I’m nervous and do not have a good talking filter. There’s going to be awkward eye contact. I hate eye contact. Why is that a thing? Like talking to a rando isn’t unsettling enough, and I have to look them in the eye too?

So, to the people who told me to have confidence, my response is this…. Confidence? What that? It sounds like fun. Because the thing about confidence is that I have none. Okay, that’s a lie. In my comfort zone, I have confidence for DAYSSSSSS. Because the thing is, my jewelry is an extension of my personality and creative tastes, and I’m proud of it, and that’s the problem. If people hate it, then in a tiny way, they are saying I suck.

I want this to be a legit job, selling jewelry and blogging, but the path to getting there is terrifying!! I don’t want to leave my comfort zone. It’s so comfy!!! Life is so hard. I know these are just lame first-world problems, but they are MY lame first-world problems, and they are valid, so don’t judge me.

Sincerely,
LIBD