“What’s wrong?”
Me
“Everything. My life, this world….. Maybe you should ask what isn’t wrong. Maybe the list would be shorter.”
Have you ever felt like this? I have. A lot, actually. When reality hits me (and it hits me hard), I realize how much is wrong in the world, my life, and possibly even myself. After all these times, people told me, “smile!”, “don’t look so sad,” and I find myself asking, “why should I?”. The bubble that has kept me in my own little world has popped, and the rest of the world comes crashing down around me. Natural disasters, crime, and war, and I can’t fix them, but I want to. I want to fix everyone else’s problems so I can finally feel sorry for myself. Because every time I take a good long look at the world and all the poverty, homelessness, and abuse that goes on… I realize my problems don’t mean shit.
At this moment, my carefully repaired self-esteem again crumbles to pieces, and I hate myself. This time though, it’s not the outside that I hate. It’s the inside. Because in moments like this, I realize how truly self-centered and egotistical I really am, and I resort back to that terrible feeling. The feeling that can only root itself after years of being told. The feeling that I’m not good enough. Oddly enough, it’s not an unpleasant feeling; it’s strange yet familiar. It almost feels comforting because if I just accept that I’m not enough, I don’t have to feel bad whenever I’m not good enough. It’s my mind’s most extraordinary defense mechanism, and suddenly it’s okay that I’m self-centered and egotistical because I’m the worst. I shouldn’t be expected to be a good person.
So, if everything is wrong, what do we do. I could talk to someone…. That would be nice, but maybe all my friends are busy. Sometimes it feels like there’s no one. I could cry; crying sounds like a good option, but even while I’m crying, I know it won’t solve anything, and I just want to cry even more. IF EVERYTHING IS WRONG, HOW DO WE FIX IT……….
We don’t……..
I want to… I really want to, but we can’t. Everyone else is oblivious. They don’t see what the big deal is, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a big deal. They don’t understand; they judge because they can’t even begin to know how much we care, love, and hurt. Should I accept it, embrace it, or learn to like it. I don’t think we should do that either.
If everything is wrong, I think we should learn to be okay. Okay with the world, okay with life, but most importantly, we should learn to be okay with ourselves.
We are enough; if that’s not enough with anyone else, I don’t care! I’m so over it! I don’t care how well you think you know me. You will NEVER know me. We are chasing after a standard that we think if only we could reach, we would be good enough, but the truth is we’ve been good enough all along. If you are doing your best every day and trying, then you will always be enough.
So…. if no one else tells you this, I want you to know 3 things:
1. You’re okay
2. You’re not alone
3. You are and always will be enough
Sincerely,
LifeInspiredByDreams
