It’s been awhile since my last TBH post hasn’t it? So today I’m writing something I’ve kind of wanted to write for a while. I kept second guessing whether or not to write about it, but it’s something that I think needs to be talked about. Some people make being a Christian look and sound so simple. Maybe it is and I’m just not good at it or maybe it really isn’t and we’re all just really good at pretending. Well, here we go…
First off; Am I the only one who thinks occasionally, that it all sounds just a little farfetched? People being raised from the dead, the entirety of everything being created in a week, or 5 thousand people being fed with 2 pieces of bread and some fish (I think it was 2 it’s gonna be super embarrassing if I’m wrong I’ll check later and comeback and edit it). Sometimes when I really think about it seems kind of out there. I mean I’ve heard of miracles still happening today, answered prayer, and I know enough to feel confident in my beliefs, but every once in a while I feel like it just sounds like a really good sci-fi book. Like where is the cold hard proof that any of that actually happened, and if I was a good Christian shouldn’t I always be sure without a shadow of a doubt what I believe.
I also don’t understand why Christians have an issue with science. I feel like when God created everything, he would have come up with a system for it all to work as well. Why is it always God vs. science? I always just assumed the whole reason that science was a thing was because God made it a thing. Don’t confuse this brief paragraph as me wanted to go into further discussion. This is all I’m saying.
Next on the list; Evil. Yup. This is something I know for a fact that everyone struggles with, it comes up a lot, and it does not help me shake the little seeds of doubt at all. Surely, if God really was good, he wouldn’t allow it to happen. I have a few unpopular theories about the matter, but the common denominator is free will; and we all know about how sin came into the world. However, is that suppose to make us feel better about it or something? It doesn’t make me feel better, I bet it doesn’t make the people affected by tragedies feel better. I know, I know, it’s never going to change, and we can’t do anything about it. Bad things are inevitable, but nobody wants to hear that…. I don’t want to hear that. What I do want to hear though, Are the stories of all the good things that have happened; the stories that, whenever I start to doubt, remind me why I believe in the first place. I feel like I just don’t hear any of those stories these days though. I feel like all I see is the bad in the world. I know there is good, but I can’t seem to find it.
Moving on; There’s a verse in the bible that says, “Love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you.” I don’t like that though. I don’t want to love my enemies and I don’t want to pray for people who are jagweeds, unless I’m praying for them to trip over their shoelaces which I would never do because I’m such a wonderful and kind person. For real though; If they want my prayers, they should consider being a decent human being first. That being said; this is always my favorite verse to use when my Christian friends are being jerks to other people. When customers at work are mean, or my family are mean. I don’t want to love them. I don’t even want to like them sometimes. It is exhausting trying to be a decent human being all the time. Especially because I’m always telling other people to be decent human beings, I feel like I have to work extra hard (By not praying that morons trip over their shoelaces). However, I do not enjoy it as much as a probably should. Sometimes I really just want to be a jerk. Sometimes nothing would make me happier than them tripping over their shoelaces. I call it Holy Spirit infused karma. When other people aren’t even trying to be decent, why should I? It’s so annoying. I could go on forever, and I kind of did, so I’ll just stop here.
Next up; serving others. My church is big on this. Even when I was in youth group, we did a good amount of service projects, but I hate doing stuff for others. Everyone else always seems so excited to go do someone’s yard work. I don’t even like raking leaves at my own house, and y’all want me to go rake someone else’s leaves??? Ugh……… Helping make food I don’t mind, but when it’s time to clean up and do dishes I usually conveniently disappear (I told you that trying to be a decent human being was exhausting ). I’m one of the most self-centered people I know, I can admit it, I don’t like doing my own stuff, so doing stuff for others is twice as bad because I’m not even getting anything out of it. However, I do it because it is something that I, as a decent human being should do, and I smile and wave the entire time just like everyone else because helping others should be a joyful experience (she says in an emotionless monotone voice). It seems to be for everyone else, and I don’t get it. How are people so excited about doing things for other people. It makes me feel terrible especially when people do nice things for me, because it reminds me how selfish I am. Like I’m glad your helping me with all of this but why? Like, I haven’t even done anything to deserve it. It makes me feel ungrateful. I don’t even like buying food for other people. Special occasions are exceptions, or if my paycheck was especially good that week, I will buy food for other people just to be nice, or if I owe them for stuff they’ve done for me I’m more generous just because I don’t like feeling like I owe people. If you want me to train you dog, I’ll be there asap, but if you want help with cleaning or yard work, I think I’m going to be busy that day.
Also, faith. I hate when I’m worried about something and everyone’s just like, “trust God, have faith”….. haha ya, I’ll pass please and thank you. You lost me at trust, because essentially that’s what people mean when they say have faith right? It’s a fancy way of telling me to trust someone who by the way I can’t even see. At least with people I have a face to hold a grudge against when they inevitably let me down. Besides, just because I trust God doesn’t mean he’s gonna solve all my problems and answer all my prayers. I know, I know, having faith just means that no matter how a situation turns out that God is going to make it all okay, but I don’t like that answer. I don’t like things that aren’t guaranteed. Unfortunately, that’s basically the definition of life regardless of whether or not you are a Christian so I guess I’ll just have to suck it up.
I think I’ve covered everything that I wanted to, so I guess I better wrap it up. I know everyone’s Christianity looks a bit different and it should because we all have our own path that led us to where we are and we all have our own opinions, but sometimes I feel like mine are a bit to different. Sometimes I feel like maybe I’m missing something important, or that my life isn’t Christian-ish enough. Maybe I’m a bad Christian, maybe I’m a good Christian, or maybe I’m just different. Now that you’ve read it I’ll let you decide, and as always… hang in there dear readers. See you soon. Also, in case you didn’t know my blog has a face book page you can find the link to it under the about tab. At least I think that’s where it is if it’s not ill come back and re write this part.
Sincerely,
LifeInspiredByDreams
