When I first heard this song, I was like, “I don’t know what you are so angry about, but I feel it, bro, I feel it.” I finally looked up the lyrics one day and said, “Wow. They really get me.” Ateez is another K-pop group, they have a different style than Oneus but they have a lot of relatable lyrics.
The light in my deserted heart Reflected in a broken mirror The desire in my eyes is disappearing Further and further down
Sometimes, I see the mess in my life, and I just get so frustrated. I don’t have words. I just have lots of feelings that are overwhelming, and then I’ll grab my headphones and put this song on. Perhaps everything is awful, and my life is falling apart. In those moments, it feels so good to be mad.
The pouring rain falls and presses on my head (Presses) Struggling so hard to get up somehow (use my strength) I'm suffocating, I can't even count the sacrifices I'm falling endlessly (I'm still falling down)
Sometimes I dig myself into a hole so deep I wonder if it’s worth the effort to try and get out. Perhaps even my best effort wouldn’t be enough, so it’s so much easier to accept defeat instead of trying to keep fighting to get out. It’s not that I haven’t tried, but how long should I try before it becomes insanity. After all, they say insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result.
[Pre-Chorus]Heaven's door Is unreachable and getting further and further away
The more I try, the more I want to give up. At this point, it just feels like a losing battle. I don’t know how it even got to this.
[Chorus]What am I hurt for? Of countless people, why me? Who should I blame? I Still hear it, keep your head down Oh-oh Breathless here everyday Oh-oh, I can't escape it
I’ve said before that depression is like sitting in a dark room, having no idea where you are, and waiting for someone to come rescue you….. Except you know that no one is coming. It’s not anyone else’s problem though, so as nice as it would be, how could I blame anyone else. If I know that no one is coming, shouldn’t I just start trying to get out on my own? Am I a crazy person? Well, more so than my usual crazy.
Yeah, yeah Broken lights, panic (Panic) Tied up in chains You could be my doll Lost in my desire Pop, pop Forcefully knocked back in defeat Into shaking waves down, down The wind's pressure wraps around
I love it when rappers put English lyrics in their Korean songs. It just doesn’t translate well. It just sounds weird. Setting the first part aside, the second part is pretty accurate. I don’t think I could say it any better myself.
Hey, save me here, help me Hold my hand, please hold me Water, the water keeps drying up, I'm thirsty Even if I scream, it doesn't come out
Depression is surprisingly quiet for such a loud emotion. It seems crazy to be feeling everything I’m feeling and not make a sound. That’s the nice thing about K-pop songs like this. Even without reading the English translation, I can feel the gist of the lyrics just by listening. That’s how it feels when I’m feeling all these things, but I can’t verbalize that madness. It’s okay though; Ateez did it for me.
Into the depths I'm in danger of disappearing Can you remember Will I be able to remember Even with the shriek of my desperation [Pre-Chorus & Chorus]
It gets worse when I’m alone, but I think that’s just because that’s when I have time to fix things and don’t. I could clean my room, shower, brush my teeth, fold my clothes, or even wash my face. I don’t, though, and that just makes me madder because then I can’t blame anyone but myself for my misery. Sometimes, I don’t even remember what it was like to feel good. I just can’t even imagine it anymore. I’m so jealous of shower everyday people.
The fingertips of despair tempt me As if I could run away Run away, run away, far away I can't take it anymore
I’m sick of it. I’m sick of feeling like this. I’m sick of not doing anything about it. Running away isn’t an option for me, but I also don’t know how to deal with the situation in front of me. I can’t live in my mom’s basement I don’t want to live in the giant mess. I want to move out and I want to move forward. I had a teacher who use to tell us “This too shall pass, even if you don’t”. It doesn’t apply to every situation, but I still like it.
Mayday, mayday, mayday Fade out, fade out, fade out Why are you doing this to me, why I want to live
What did I do? Am I actually cursed, or am I just ruining my own life with my laziness and negativity? I don’t even like who I am anymore. I wake up in the morning trying to figure out what I can wear to look good enough. Can they notice that I haven’t washed my hair. Then I get to work, and worry if I’m doing a good job. Did I succeed in making myself look presentable. I mean, I was never my biggest fan, but still. I remember a time when I didn’t hate myself. Wouldn’t that be nice?
What am I hurt for? Of countless people, why me? Who should I blame? I Still hear it, keep your head down Oh-oh Breathless here everyday Oh-oh I can't escape it Oh-oh, Out of breath here every day Oh-oh Can't escape
I hate feeling trapped. I finally got my driver’s license, only to find out that I can’t drive away from all my problems. It’s nice to have songs like this that can give the words to say what I can’t. I’ll see you guys next week, and don’t forget to follow me on Instagram for a sneak peek at next week’s song.
Hey guys. It’s been a long day, but I promised every other week, so here it is. I’m too tired for chit-chat today, so let’s get right into it. You are probably familiar with a song called As It Was by Harry Stiles. If you aren’t familiar with it, let me refresh your memory…
In this world, it’s just us You know it’s not the same as it was In this world, it’s just us You know it’s not the same as it was As it was, as it was You know it’s not the same
Today’s reflection on Mindset was “What have you lost interest in lately.” Honestly, it was hard to put my finger on it. Surely I haven’t lost interest in life, but what is it specifically. TV? Not really. I do enjoy watching a good tv series or movie. Horses? Nah, I may be allergic, which might put a damper on it, but I love it all the same. Work? No, if anything, I want more hours. But something was off. Then it hit me. K-pop. It’s practically just a tiny corner of my mind these days. Which means all the leftover space is filled with nothingness.
You’re probably sick of hearing me talk about Oneus, and honestly, I was struggling before the rumors about Ravn started. Oh, by the way, he’s started posting again on youtube and stuff and seems to be hanging in there, so I’m glad to hear that. My favorite thing about K-pop and Oneus specifically was that they brought so much brightness into my life. Oneus and us Tomoons were a big, mostly happy family. Sharing memes and watching the hilarious content they would post on youtube. I could wake up on a shitty morning and say, “I’m gonna make it through this day for Oneus. I’m going to make them proud”. They don’t even know I exist, but it meant something to me.
Waking up at 5 in the morning to vote or watch music shows to see if they would win…. I hated it as much as I loved it. Helping out with voting and streaming drove me crazy some days, but I didn’t want it any other way. Oneus had helped me so much mentally and learning to be okay with my own life that early mornings, all day streaming, and routine voting were the least I could do to give them back everything they had given to me. Then we did, and it was the best feeling in the world. Oneus and Tomoons proved ourselves as a force to be reckoned with, and I was so excited to see what their tour and opportunities in the new year would lead them.
Then, overnight, one fake made account and a rumor were all it took to bring it all crumbling down. It was really hard for me. Watching the fans fight with each other, seeing the awful things they said about Ravn, and then they took his name out of the fan chant, and that’s when I think the fire died. I wanted to fix it, so I tried hard to support the remaining members and silently support Ravn, but there was so much hate, and people were so cruel. The magical world of Tomoon just slowly crumbled until there wasn’t much left.
I’m happy to know Ravn’s okay, but I don’t want him to just be okay; I want him back. I want everything to go back to the way it was when my life was bright and exciting. The hardest thing about being a kpop fan is that all you are is a fan. I’ll never know how they really feel about fans after everything that happened. We’ll never know if their words are true or just what they are contractually obligated to say. More than feeling sorry for myself, I feel sorry for them.
Not just Ravn, but all of them. Because above all, kpop is simply business, and the part of their lives that we see is them working. And you know what I say about working… You not getting paid to be happy; you’re getting paid to do a job with a smile on your face and bitch about it in your own private time. They meant so much to me, and they still do, but I just feel devastated whenever I think of them. Because it will never be the same as it was. And if he goes solo, is that his choice? If I join the group again, does he want to?? After everything Tomoons did. They made me so happy, and I want the same for them. Like with most jobs, I’m sure they knew what they were signing up for, but so do people in the veterinary field, and it has one of the highest suicide rates of almost any career.
Even at Subway, I know people are going to be rude or bitchy sometimes, but that doesn’t make it any easier to have them standing there loudly complaining about things to my face. There’s talk of them having a new comeback soon. I don’t think I’ll get up at 6 to watch the music video as soon as it’s released; I don’t think I’ll have alarms set to make sure I vote in all the right apps at the right time. I don’t know if I’ll wake up early to watch music shows live. Seeing them win was so exciting because it made me feel a part of something.
I don’t think the issue was that I lost interest in K-pop or Oneus. It’s just that what I loved so much and what brought me so much joy doesn’t exist anymore, and I’m trying to settle for what’s left, but it’s just not the same as it was. It’s heartbreaking. Sorry, this was so depressing, but it’s how I feel, and maybe I’m silly or immature, but I lost something that was precious to me. It may not mean anything to you, but it meant a lot to me, so I’m allowed to be sad.
Hey y’all, welcome to part 2 of the Living as Me series! I highly recommend the book I’ve decided to live as me by Kim Soo-Hyun. There’s so much good stuff in that book, the copy I have is covered in highlighter, notes, and bookmarks, and I’m sure I’ll continue to re-read it. Still, today I’m going to talk a little bit about what it taught me. Also, I’m sorry it ended up so long, but it’s too late now.
My entire life, all I’ve wanted is for everyone to be proud of me. My brother worked his way up from dishwasher to Assistant Kitchen Manager and now to Kitchen Manager. My family, in particular, are very proud of him, and I am too, but I want them to be proud of me also. I want them to be excited to tell other people about me, but I’m not an exciting person. I thought going to college would make them proud, and maybe it would have I had actually succeeded, but I didn’t.
I’ve never felt particularly loved by my parents. Most of it is just that my family aren’t very touchy-feely people (I’m really not either though). I didn’t think anything of it when I was young, but when I got older, I saw other friends and their families and how they liked spending time with each other, and I guess I got a little jealous.
My counselor and psychiatrist have told me to stop expecting so much from them. They are happy with their lives, even though they will never love me like my friend’s parents. I have to (in the infamous words of Veronica Park’s ringtone (from the show The Secret Life of my Secretary)) let it go. It’s only hurting me.
Then when I was writing the music Monday for Thanxx by Ateez, it got me thinking…. “Why do I care so much about everyone else’s opinion.” I like my job. It may not be impressive, and it may be part-time (Having muscular dystrophy, I can only handle about 20 hours a week before everything starts to hurt), but I enjoy it. The book references this phrase in Korea that goes…. “Those who belong to academic ranks 1-3 order chicken, those in ranks 4-6 fry the chicken, while those in ranks 7-9 make the delivery” (I know, right?!).
Thankfully in America, we don’t rank students like that (at least not at my school). I think I probably would have fallen somewhere in ranks 5-8, but when I read this, it got me thinking……. Without ranks 4-9, where are the wealthy, successful people going to get their chicken from, huh?
Even if successful people look down on those people, they rely on them to an extent. The world needs people to work at restaurants, grocery stores, and gas stations just as much as they need doctors and lawyers and other ‘successful’ people. Just because it’s not as glamorous or doesn’t make as much money doesn’t mean it’s not just as important.
Some people wonder when I will get a real job, but the job I have now is real enough for me for where I am right now. Maybe when I have a car and a license, I’ll want a better job, but right now, I’m perfectly content. I don’t have a problem with the person I am right now, and it makes me mad to think I let other people make me feel so self-conscious about my own life.
This book also taught me that life isn’t like school; it can’t be labeled simply by a letter grade or a GPA. Life is different for everyone, and quite frankly, nobody will ever know you well enough to be able to ‘grade’ your life anyway. It’s also no one else’s business. That’s why it’s “my” life and not theirs, and if they don’t like it, they don’t have to be around me.
It’s so refreshing to not care what other people think!!! And I feel like I can finally enjoy little things because I’m not constantly worrying about what I should be doing better with my life. I feel so much lighter now that I’m not constantly worrying about how to impress everyone. It was so exhausting!
I’m not doing anything wrong; I’m me, and that’s not a crime. I’m allowed to be happy and be proud of myself even if no one else is because it’s no one else’s business. At the end of the day, I have to live with myself, so my opinion is the only one that matters.
Honestly, I’m still learning how to be me. I’ve never really thought about what I wanted out of my life, but I realized I’m perfectly content with where I’m at now. If anything, I wish I spent less time worrying about what others think about my life and more time just enjoying it.
I also learned that people are either with me or against me, and if they aren’t with me, then I don’t need to be wasting my time on them anyway. I don’t have to be nice to others at my own expense. I’m the most important person in my life, and my happiness is the most important. That’s not an excuse to be rude to people; it just means that I don’t need to waste my energy on people who don’t have anything positive to bring to my life. My time and energy are best spent on things I want and like, like K-pop!
I’ve always loved K-pop, but I felt bad about liking something so stupid. Call off the dogs!!! I personally don’t think it’s stupid. Still, a lot of people thought it was a strange thing to be interested in. Mainly because, and I quote, “you don’t even know what they are saying.” My dad, the other day, was like, “why don’t you just download the albums on Apple Music? Why buy them?” I did download them on Apple music; I just like the posters, photo books, and photo cards.
Also, my friend’s AUX hookup in her car doesn’t work, so I listen to the CDs a lot in her car. I thought my one friend was crazy for buying a BTS light stick. It’s a lot of money to spend on a glorified flashlight (let me finish before you start hating on me). Now I have 2 (#normalizebuyinglightsticks); JBJ95 and Oneus. And one night, it was really dark, and I needed a flashlight; my phone was almost dead, so I was afraid to use the flashlight on it, so I grabbed my Oneus light stick, and it saved the day! I always felt like I had to defend my purchases, though.
One day in counseling, I was showing off my JBJ95 light stick because it was the first one I had bought, and my counselor said it was great that I had found something that made me happy. However, I had already prepared a speech justifying my purchase, so the comment surprised me. I had never gotten that reaction from showing someone anything K-pop before, but she made a good point! Plus, there really wasn’t much that made me genuinely happy at that time in my life.
I don’t need to justify anything to anyone; I don’t owe anyone anything, and I don’t need others to validate my life. I’m happy, and that’s all that matters. I’m so thankful I found K-pop, particularly Oneus. One of Oneus’ members (Xion) was doing a live stream one day. In it, he said that he hopes that if we are having a hard time, we can think of them and be encouraged, just like we (Tomoons) support and encourage them.
It seems incredibly stupid, but sometimes when I feel depressed and don’t want to do anything, I think of them. How they wouldn’t want their fans to be sad and depressed, so even if I’m having a bad day, I try not to let it get the best of me. Usually, the video of Xion making snow ducks with Leedo will cheer me up. That or their lunar new year ‘no diggity’ dance practice (I almost cried because I was laughing so hard).
My friend proofreading this was confused by that last paragraph (it was kind of an unexpected change in subject). My point is that I don’t care if people think I’m weird or stupid. K-pop makes me happy (like horses only cheaper…. I think… pricewise it could be the same, but my money goes a lot further with K-pop than it does with horses).
K-pop albums make me happy; getting a new album is like getting a Christmas present, and it’s always exciting to see whose photo cards I get. Light sticks bring my joy!!!! The BTS light stick my friend gave me (5 days ago, so I guess I have three now) can change into ANY color I want. I guess she has the newer and better version, but I think it’s so much fun!!!!!!
Even if I never go to a concert, I just like things that light up; I’m easily entertained. Especially my Oneus light stick I got for Christmas this past year. You can spin the little earth in the center, and it’s fun. Livestreams: My Korean comprehension is exceptionally minimal, but honestly, I look forward to tuning it for a bit, especially if it’s Ravn’s live because he has excellent taste in music. A lot of people don’t get it, which is fine, but it makes me happy.
As I said before, the first light stick I got was JBJ95’s, and it took me so long to get it because growing up, I wasn’t allowed to have “useless junk.” I was only allowed to get ‘meaningful’ souvenirs when we’d go on trips. I wasn’t allowed to get the necklace or the very colorful rocks or dreamcatchers (I also collect those now). I always had to get something meaningful, often a thimble. I still don’t know how my parents convinced me collecting thimbles was cool, but I think it was always more their collection than mine.
I could get a shirt, but they were usually ugly. When I wanted a Tamagotchi, I had to save up my own money. My parents didn’t want to buy “useless junk that I would get sick of in a few days” I had my Tamagotchi for at least 3 years before I lost it. To this day, I’m pretty sure my Tamagotchi obsession was the only reason my parents caved and bought me a Nintendo DS one year for Christmas. Well, that, and it was the only thing I asked for, so they were at a loss, I think.
I always felt irresponsible for liking what my parents considered ‘stupid stuff.’ Reading this book reminded me that it’s not stupid to me. I love dreamcatchers and K-pop. Just like horses, it makes me happy, and my happiness is what’s most important in my life. It also reminded me that it is my life, so at the end of the day, the only opinion that matters is my own. If I’m happy, it doesn’t matter if anyone else “gets it.”
I’m proud of how far I’ve come, especially with my mental health, and K-pop has been a big part of that. I know for K-pop groups, I’m just one fan, and I don’t actually know them. They also don’t know me, but their encouraging words and funny videos make me smile.
When I have an awful day where I just want to hide from my problems, I can listen to She’s in the Rain by The Rose, and suddenly I feel less lonely. I can listen to Can’t You See Me by Tomorrow X Together, and suddenly I feel like someone does see me. I can listen to Spark by JBJ95 and distract myself with the fan chant because it’s the only song I know the entire fan chant for.
My love for k pop, like my love for horses and music, is part of what makes me, me. It’s not something I should feel ashamed of or something I have to defend. I like who I am because I’m me, and it’s taken me way too long to say that confidently. Sure, I still have a lot to learn, and there’s plenty of room for improvement, but I’m proud of myself. Maybe I’m crazy. I think I’ve told you enough to come to a worthy decision about my sanity.
Still, whatever you think of me and whatever my family or the people around me think, I don’t really care. I’m happy, so even if you think I’m crazy, I would rather be crazy and happy than sane and sad. I hope JBJ95 has a comeback soon; I miss them. I love watching their special dance practices. Also, Kenta playing with confetti is adorable. Not quite ‘Xion making snow ducks’ cute, but close.
The other day I was in the car with my mom and her fiancé, and they told me that if I’m happy with my life, that’s all that matters. She said that even if I didn’t do well in school, I still learned a lot, which was a good experience. She’s not wrong. This book helped me understand that I don’t need anyone’s approval or validation for my life, but it was still refreshing to hear.
I learned a lot about being proud of who I am (one of my fav songs by JBJ95), the things I like, and making sure I live with no regrets. I was worried I might regret spending so much money on K-pop stuff, but so far, I regret nothing. Even if people think I’m crazy for buying the earth and moon fan meeting merch I pre-ordered, I don’t care. I was never allowed to have this kind of stuff growing up. So, what if I’m still waiting for it to ship?! I’m sure they will send it by the end of the year.
I’ve already waited a month, so I guess I’ll just keep waiting. I’ve been waiting longer for the fanship welcome kit I ordered on V-live. The eta for that is May or June (which is unfortunate as it was supposed to be my birthday present to myself). Actually, it’s rough considering I could order something from K-pop mart, and once the order is processed, they can get it from Korea to America (and by extension, my back door) in 3-4 days. I’ve been spoiled.
Everyone’s always telling me I need to be more patient, though. Maybe this is a test from God……. He knew I would want this stuff, so he’s making it take forever so I can learn to be more patient. That sounds like something He would do.
Anyway, that’s all. This isn’t as good as I hoped, but that’s what happens when I write something extraordinary like the See U Tomorrow series. I just can’t beat it. I should have saved it, but it was appropriate for where I was at, just like how this one, while less impressive, is appropriate for where I am currently in life. I hope you got anything out of this. Just read the book. I can’t sum it all up cause there’s too much, but just read the book. I’ll see you again Monday for part 3!
Welcome to part 1 of the Living as Me series (I’m not counting the intro as part of the series even though it is I guess. I don’t know, just go with it). Happy #MusicMonday! Also, shout out to Ateez on their latest comeback. It’s a great song! I haven’t listened to the rest of the album, but my Atiny friends have assured me it’s just as good, and by the time you read this, I’m sure they will have made sure I’ve listened to the rest of it. Also, for non-K-pop readers, all K-pop group fans have a name, and Ateez fans are called Atiny. Oneus fans are Tomoons, Snuper fans are Swing, JBJ95 fans are Jjakkung, The Rose fans are Black Roses, WEi fans are RUi, and Blackpink fans…………………………… Are you bored to tears yet?
Most of my non-K-pop readers have probably stopped reading. Sighs loudly Oh well. I would like to go on record that I could continue for at least two more lines with K-pop groups and their fan names (Astro fans are Aroha). However, to respect that not all of my readers are K-pop fans (E’last fans are Elrings), I will stop and continue with my blog. This week’s song is Thanxx by Ateez, and the lyrics are from colorcodedlyrics.com (Blackpink fans are Blinks). I really like this song because I feel like I have lived through the entirety of the lyrics. So, without further ado…. (UNB fans were UNME (It was adorable; I miss them)). Let’s go!!!!
“You’re gonna regret it”
“You’ll understand when you are older”
Same words every time
I’m sick and tired of it
I’m sick and tired of it
(Nobody knows)
Honestly, now that I’m 26, people say this to me much less, but I think the only reason is that now that I am older, I do know. That being said, I was so sick of hearing it when I was younger!! Were they right? Yes. Did I care? No. Do I care now? Still no (Tomorrow x Together (TXT) fans are MOA(Moments of Awareness (Don’t ask me why. I didn’t come up with it))). We won’t know until we are older, so unless we are in physical danger, just let us figure it out for ourselves. You can give all the advice in the world, but it’s up to us to choose what we do with that advice and telling me the same thing over and over just makes me not want to listen to you. Also…. Dreamcatcher fans are InSomnia (that one I had to look up because I don’t really follow girl groups, but I LOVE it)
“What do you wanna do” “What do you wanna be when you grow up” I don’t know, it’s my first time I think I’ll know once I get to live a little more
People still ask me this, and I’ve been giving the same answer for the past 10 years. I. DON’T. KNOW! I’ve never been 26 before! I’d never even been an adult until I was one (SF9 fans are Fantasy). I’m just trying to survive the week! You can keep asking me but being annoying isn’t make me come up with an answer any faster! I also would love to know what I want to do with my life (BTS fans are Army), but I don’t know. I really don’t. Actually, I do know. I want to blog and work with animals, and would you look at that……. I’m already doing it!!! Oh, you don’t like that answer…. too bad!
Do this, do that, I don't care
If I keep ignoring you, I’ll have more fun, pop pop pop
Pops like bubble gum, pum pum pum
Ah yeah, like birds of a feather, they gather
Their lips won’t rest, just clap your hands
Literally, talk to me about ANYTHING else besides my future. I’ve already answered you, you just don’t like the answer, and the more people bug me, the less inclined I am to give an answer. Everybody is so curious to hear about my life, and I’m really not that interesting!!! (Target fans are Wonnie). Seriously, it’s exhausting!! At this point, every day that the world doesn’t end is a success for me. Also, my life is none of their business. If they want to know more about me, they can read my blog, and they don’t. I know they don’t because if they did, they wouldn’t have to ask me the same questions every time they see me. They would have already gotten the answers from my latest post (Exo fans are Exo-L (I still don’t know what the L stands for)). This is because I’m not successful like my brother. The restaurant where my brother works is reopening one of its locations where he will be the new kitchen manager. They posted about the reopening on Facebook. My dad shared it and talked about how great my brother is (To be fair, he did get promoted…. Again. He should be proud) and how proud my dad is of him. I’m just reading it like, “Wow.” Maybe once I do something Facebook-worthy, they will leave me alone. They never ask my brother what he will do with his life. (Monsta X fans are Monbebe) They never bother him about getting his life together because it’s already together! I’m not mad at my brother. Me, him, and my sister-in-law have a group chat called the Pokémon Go Squad. It’s a lot of fun, so I’m not mad at my brother…. I’m angry at everyone else.
[Pre-chorus 1]
“Lift the blue flag, lift the white flag”
“Why aren’t you listening?”
“When I was young…” “Kids these days…”
Oops. Just mind your own business please
Do they want to live my life for me? Because if they think they can do a better job, then by all means, go for it! They probably could though. They don’t have anxiety, depression, muscular dystrophy, and no social life (Enhypen fans are Engene). What do they want me to say?? “I’m sorry I suck at life. My bad.” Or “I’m sorry I’m a failure. I will definitely try to remedy that for you.” Or “I’m so sorry my life isn’t good enough for you because obviously, every morning when I wake up, my first thought is what would you do!!!!!!!!”. It’s not like it’s MY life or anything (Vixx fans are Starlight). Seriously just go away! If you are going to talk to me about life, just don’t bother talking to me. “Why aren’t I listening” because nothing you are saying is helping!! “Kids these days…” What?! Kids these days, what!?!?!? If you’ve got a problem with me, I can guarantee that I won’t like you as much as you don’t like me. Also……. N.Flying fans are called N.Fia (It combines N.Flying with the word Utopia kind of like how Atiny is a combination of Ateez and the word Destiny (I had to look that one up to, and I’m ashamed because I actually really like N.Flying))
[Pre-chorus 2]
“Everything I say is right”
“I know because I've done it”
Yes Sir, Yes Sir, Yes Sir
Gracias
Yes, yes, I know…. You walked to school uphill both ways in the snow. You didn’t have a tv or a phone…… Well, I had a school bus, tv, and a phone, and if times have changed that much, you can’t honestly expect what worked for you to work for me. (NCT fans are NCTzens (if you say it fast, it sounds like N citizens)) Thank you for your input she says sarcastically. I will get right on that (not really). I will cherish your advice (that you’ve given me 10 times now) just as much as my mom’s cat Ember would…… so basically not at all (Kard fans are Hidden Kard).
[Chorus 1]
Your worries? no thanks I’m ok
I’m just doing me
Don’t say it's all for my own sake
Leave me alone, I’m in my own rhythm
Please!! Don’t worry about my life; I’m handling it. It’s my life, not yours, so I’ll live it my way. I’m sorry if my way isn’t good enough for you, but my mission in life is not to make you proud (I’ve already accepted that that will never happen). I’m good. Just…. Keep walking. Preferably in a direction away from me. (Mamamoo fans are called MooMoo’s. (I guess moomoo means radish in Korean. (Their light stick (all groups have one of those too) is in the shape of a radish. (However, I’m curious if the light stick came first or the fandom name)))).
[Chorus 2]
Dancing, dancing, dancing
Move, move, move
Dancing, dancing, dancing (Let’s go let’s go)
I’ll do it my way because I own it
I’m not dying, and the world is not ending, so what’s wrong with how I spend my time? I have a job, and I’m not in jail. I think that is a good start (Seventeen fans are called Carat’s (you know, like diamonds)). My psychiatrist told me I didn’t have to figure everything out right away, so why is everyone trying to make me do just that?
Fix On
I’m firing, move out the way, I’m coming with a flash
One, two, there’s silence
Too much attention is poison so empty the glass, bless up
I’m at the top of the top, I make my catch 100 out of 100 times
Get ready and hold on, till until we're back-to-back
I’m sorry if my life isn’t good enough for others, but this song reminds me that I don’t even care. Too much interest is a poison, so if they could all just back off, that would be great. (Big Bang fans are VIP’s) It’s my life, and nobody else’s, so I shouldn’t care about their opinions anyway! In theory, this entire post is pointless. I shouldn’t even feel the need to write it!!!
[Pre-chorus 1 & 2]
[Chorus 1&2]
Don’t, don’t do it you're way
I know me, I know myself well
Whatever it is, I’ll do it my way
Let me do so, leave me alone
I do! I know myself better than any of them! (D-crunch fans are Diana’s) Maybe I’ve been struggling so much because I’ve been trying to follow everyone else’s plans and expectations. Perhaps I should try doing it my way for once. My way………… I like the sound of that. Maybe everyone else needs to please read the rest of the sentence in an angry voice since that is how I am typing it leave me the hell alone when it comes to the way I live my life!!!!
We are another type
We are another, baby
Each one of us has a different speed
We are all another, baby
I’m not my brother, I’m not my parents, and I’m not anyone else who is giving me advice. I’m me!! My life might not look like most peoples, but it doesn’t mean I’m failing. More importantly, I shouldn’t have to justify myself to anyone else! (Twice fans are Once (I had to look that up too (I know, right))) I don’t have to be like anyone else. I’m not dead, I’m not in jail, I don’t do drugs (hugs, not drugs), so I’m really not doing too bad. So, what if I don’t have my license yet? I’ll get there eventually. “When you ask?” “Whenever I feel like it, and now that you’ve asked, I really don’t feel like it.” I’ll get a boyfriend eventually and, by extension, get married. “When you ask,” Soon. I hope. At least the boyfriend part. At the moment, it seems incredibly unlikely since I don’t like meeting people. Still, I’m hoping one day he will just magically appear.” Wish me luck with that last one. I have two other single friends, so I don’t mind it as much anymore. I used to only have not single friends, and it was a nightmare. Also, Everglow fans are Forever. I had to look that one up, too though I can’t think of it anymore. Actually, aren’t Golden Child fans Golden Goldeness? They are. I think Imfact (I’m OBSESSED with their song nanana) fans might be Intuit. Let me check…. <5 minutes later> I was way off Imfact fans are IF (don’t ask me why I give up); however, there is a K-pop group called IN2IT and their fans are called IN2U which I think is absolutely adorable!!!!
They say "listen to us"
"can't you at least try"
yes sir, yes sir, yes sir
I'm okay, it's alright
Your worries? no thanks I’m ok
I am just who I am
Don’t say you’re doing this for me
Leave me alone, I’m in my own rhythm
[Insert Chorus 2]
Thanxx for the motivation speech, Ateez. Hahahaha, see what I did there? Are you laughing? No? Okay. Moving on…. Is there anyone actually still reading at this point?? And if you are still reading, I’m assuming you are either a K-pop fan, one of my friends, or one of my regular readers who was just really bored. And probably kind of hates me right now for all the K-pop references. Whoever you are, thank you for reading all the way to the end. This will not end up in my list of posts I’m most proud of. Still, I like the song, the message, and much like my life is right now, this blog is also mine, so I can do whatever I want, and y’all can ignore me, but you can’t stop me. Mwahahahahaha (That’s how I write evil laughter). This was terrible, possibly one of my worst, so gold stars for everyone who made it. Hopefully, the next one will be better. I just had way too much fun writing this to not post it. I’ll see you soon for part 2, so until next time……
First, shout out to colorcodedlyrics for having translated versions of all of my favorite k-pop songs. It’s my go-to website when looking for translations, and it’s way easier and more accurate than copy-pasting words into google translate. Second, shout out to BTS for being incredible and inspiring, and congrats on making one of the greatest songs EVER! Without further ado, here we go. Fair warning, I got rid of the repeated parts to save space. Alright, 가자!
I’m opening my eyes under the sky that’s so blue that it’s cold.
The out-pouring sunlight makes me feel dizzy
My breath is quickening, my heart is racing.
I can feel it so easily that I’m alive
You know those days when you wake up and look out the window, thinking, “Maybe being alive isn’t so bad after all.”? When the sky is just the right shade of blue and the sun is just the right amount of sun, the air feels just right, and you feel like maybe you can do this after all…. Those days are my favorite.
It’s alright, even if it’s not us
Even if sadness erases me
Even if there are clouds
Even if I’m in an endless dream
Even if I’m endlessly crumpled
Even if my wings are torn
Even if some day, I’m not me anymore
Unfortunately, those days don’t seem to happen often enough. Sometimes it’s too rainy or too cloudy, sometimes I can’t believe I ever felt fine to begin with, and sometimes life seems to leave me behind in the dust. There is always going to be something wrong. There will always be that one thing that stops it from being perfect.
It’s alright, only I am my own salvation
I won’t ever die in this walk
How you doin? I'm fine
My sky is clear
All pain, say goodbye
I think I’ve reached the point where being fine is okay. Being fine is fantastic! Also, being fine is way easier than being happy. One time someone asked me how I was, and I almost responded with, “Well, I’m not dead, so there’s that.” The other day I was talking to my friend on the phone, and she asked me how I was. And I thought for a second and said, “you know what? I am doing really well”. Because I’ve made it to the point where I’m ready to be okay.
My cold heart
Has forgotten how to call you
But I’m not lonely, I’m fine, I’m fine
The darkness of the night
Shakes awake my sleeping dreams
But I’m not afraid, I’m fine, I’m fine
Not only am I ready to be okay, but I think I finally want to be okay also. I’m tired of being miserable and scared all the time. I was afraid that my life would never go anywhere, scared that I’d die alone, and scared of not knowing. I sometimes think about my life and worry that it will never amount to anything. But it doesn’t scare me like it used to because now I feel like maybe I can do something about it.
I’m feeling just fine, fine, fine
I’ll let go of your hand now
I know I’m all mine, mine, mine
Cause I’m just fine
I’m feeling just fine, fine, fine
I don’t wanna be sad anymore
I could see the sun shine, shine, shine
Cause I’m just fine, just fine
I really don’t want to be sad anymore. I’ve been miserable for long enough. I’ve hidden from my problems long enough. I love when I go outside, and the sun is shining because it always makes me think of this part and reminds me that I don’t have to be sad if I don’t want to. Even if nothing else is shining, at least the sun is.
I’m just fine, all of my pain
I can overcome without you
I’m just fine, don’t worry
I can smile now
Because everyone knows your voice
(and now my favorite part)
I’m so fine, you so fine
All of the sadness and scars
Became an old memory now
So let’s smile and let go, we so fine
I'm so fine, you so fine
Our future will only have happiness
So put away your fear
Enjoy it, you worked hard, we so fine
You know what; I have worked hard! I’ve overcome so much crap it’s unreal! I legit should get a medal (totally kidding about the medal, participation awards are dumb). I just need to enjoy life more instead of worrying about it. Even if my life doesn’t have a fantastic future, how bad can it be as long as I’m enjoying it?
[insert pre chorus and first chorus here]
Can you see it too? The dim moonlight?
Can you hear it too? That faint echo?
I’m feeling just fine, fine, fine
I’ll shout it out by myself
Casting a spell on this repeating nightmare
I’m feeling just fine, fine, fine
I’ll keep telling myself
Even if I fall down again
I’m fine
[repeat second chorus with 2 added “I’m fine”’s]
I’m fine
I’m sure there will be more bad days to come, but there will be good days too, and no matter what, I’ll be just fine. Because when the bad days come, I’ll use them to prepare for the good days. When the good days come, I’ll enjoy them as much as possible, and if I can keep doing that, I think I’ll be just fine.
I hope you guys enjoyed my first music Monday. I hope it can give you the same hope and encouragement it has given me. Until next time…
I hope you guys enjoyed my first music Monday. I hope it can give you the same hope and encouragement it has given me. Until next time…
