안녕하세요 여러분!! What’s up y’all? So, I‘ve come to terms with the fact that I’m never going to be a plan ahead person. Whenever I try to come up with a blog schedule, I feel like I’m being told what to do, so I don’t want to do it. I’m aware that there are spelling errors, but it is harder to fix them when I don’t have something written ahead of time. If you haven’t guessed by the title and the day of the week, this is a music Monday post, and I am absolutely in love with the K-drama Meow, The Secret Boy’. It’s so adorable and sweet and fluffy, and part of the reason I love it so much is because of this song. It’s not an upbeat song, but it’s perfect for those sad little moments of the show before everything gets all better. Alright focusing…. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. If you want to look up the song, it’s called ‘Better to be You’ by Dave Hawks. 가자!
How do you tell someone you love That everything about them Makes you feel like you're not good enough They’re better in every single way Or at least in the things of this world that seem to matter anyway
Maybe my self-esteem isn’t as great as I think it is. Whenever my parents talk about my brother or me, they always start with him. I try not to take it personally. I mean, I like to brag about him too sometimes. He started working as a dishwasher in high school, and now all these years later, he’s worked his way up to assistant kitchen manager. He’s got a family (my niece is the best), and they have their own apartment. I can’t deny that it’s impressive, and I know you shouldn’t compare your own life to everyone else’s because “we each have our own special life to live” and all that crap. That being said, “In the things of this world that seem to matter,” I feel like a total loser a lot of time. It’s like how I know I’m smart, but nobody cares about how dinosaurs are related to birds (I can tell you all about that), and that’s how I failed most of my college classes.
[Pre chorus] There's no one I can go to There's no one I can turn to There's nothing I can say ‘Cause it's not your fault
I can’t even be mad at them either! My brother, my real friends, my Facebook friends. I’m sick of being happy for everyone else. Like I’m so glad that your life is going somewhere or that you’re living your dream, but I’m not, I’m sorry. I want to be mad at them, but I can’t because they aren’t doing anything! I’m just bitter and jealous, I guess, because I know I can’t compete.
[Chorus] You're the source of my insecurities You're the boy She will always choose not me It's a cold and a strange reality When you can't escape the truth that In this life It's better to be you It’s better to be you
Everyone around me is doing something with their life, and I feel like I’m just screwed. I’ll never be on their level, no matter how hard I try. It’s like in my music Monday that I had a while back for ‘Someone Else’ by The Jellyrox. It said, “I wake up wishing I was someone else, in a different circumstance, with a different set of plans.” I want my life to mean something; I want to do something that makes other people look at me and think, “wow, I can’t compete with that.” I know it’s shallow and selfish, but I don’t care. I just don’t want to feel like everyone is up ahead, and I’m just back here by myself. It sucks feeling like that, so I try not to think about it, but it always haunts me.
I don't want you to meet my friends Cause if you meet the girl I'm into That's the end But she already knows who you are And I don't want you to be the cause Of another broken heart [Insert Pre chorus and chorus]
Leaving romantic relationships out of this, I’ve always felt like the third wheel friend. I hate hanging out in groups because I feel like I’m always the leftover. Even when we picked partners in school, I was always the leftover who got stuck with the other leftovers. I’ve always preferred hanging out 1 on 1 simply because they can’t abandon me to go hang out with someone more fun. Or sometimes, one of my friends will meet another one of my friends, and then they always just want to hang out together without me. Although I guess that was only once, but it only takes one time to start taking it personally. I know I’m fun to hang out with; people tell me that quite often, but for some reason, I’m usually not the first pick when there are other choices.
There's nothing that's wrong with me There's nothing that I can do There's nothing I can say to be free from you
I can’t just start ignoring people because I’m tired of thinking about how much better they are at life than me. If I did that, I would have literally no one left to talk to. I’m so tired of everyone else succeeding, getting married, or graduating college. It makes me bitter, and I don’t know what to do about it or how to make the feeling disappear.
So when it comes to me They’re just not impressed There's nothing wrong with me It's just a case of good, better, and best
I know I’m a decent human being. I’m the most reasonable person I know. I may not be the kindest, most intelligent, or most patient, and sometimes I don’t think before I speak. However, I am nothing if not reasonable also; I tell GREAT stories. I know a lot about animals, and I think this is a pretty darn excellent blog I’ve got when I actually get around to posting stuff. Nobody cares about that, though, because none of that matters because I still don’t have my life together. That’s why I don’t get mad when my parents always talk about my brother first. I wouldn’t brag about myself either. I’m good, but I’m not better or best.
You're the source of my insecurities But I won’t let it get the best of me It's time that I let go of jealousy When you can't escape the truth in this life It's better to be me It's better to be me It's better to be me
This reminds me of a quote from one of my favorite K dramas. It says:
“It does seem like everyone lives well except for you, but if you move forward it’s all the same. Even the guys who seem to do well are stressed out behind the scenes.”
Just Between Lovers
Also, the people I’m talking about are the same people who would be first in line to encourage me. To tell me that my life doesn’t have to look like everyone else’s or that I don’t need to compete with anyone. It’s a lot like whenever I compete in barrel racing. I’m not competing because I know I will not win, partly due to a lack of bravery and confidence and partly due to a lack of skill. That being said, it would be lovely to go into a barrel racing competition, actually thinking I could possibly even place. That is where barrel racing is a lot like life. Even if I set a new personal best, I would still not even rank in the top 10, and I know that because last year, I set a new personal best, and I didn’t even make the top 10.
Barrel racing is different than life though; With barrel racing, I’m just in it for the fun of it, and when we get to the obstacle course, THEN I’ll show everyone how it’s done. Maybe that’s what my friends mean when they say my life doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. Perhaps they’re all barrel racers, and I’m just an obstacle course kind of gal. Still, I can’t help but be jealous of the barrel racers. It’s rough knowing I’ll never be that cool. Mainly because everybody watches the barrel racing, and no one but the select few and the judges even pays attention to the obstacle course. Maybe I should look for those select few and try and compete with them. I am pretty boss level when it comes to the obstacle course. Me and Pippy killed it last year, we completed the gate obstacle (it’s worth the most points, but it’s super hard, so most people don’t bother) 4 times, and we could have kept going. All. Day. Long.
I guess I’m just special, and maybe I need to tackle life like a horse show. Just do your best and don’t land in the dirt; eventually, my time to shine will come, and I’ll show everyone who’s boss, and I’ll get my 3 minutes of success that come so few and far between. Maybe it is better to be me. My brother hates K-pop, and many of my other friends don’t listen to K-pop…. And they don’t ride horses. Wow… That sounds so dreadful…no K-pop AND no horses…. Suddenly I’m less jealous of their lives, lol. Well, that was relatively easy, plus school is so tedious and lame. Would “success” really be worth all the homework?? I think right now I’m good being me. Maybe someday I’ll find out what makes my life so unique, but for now, I’m perfectly content to blog, cuddle with my puppers, and of course, listening to the 3 greatest genres of music; K-pop, punk rock, and alternative. You cannot go wrong with any of those.
감사합니다 to everyone who made it to the end. 진짜요, you guys are the best, I know this one was pretty whiny, and I apologize, but only a little. Until next time I hope you all stay healthy and try not to go too crazy during this self-quarantining ordeal. I’ll try not to go a month without posting anything, but I can’t make promises. I hope this has inspired you at least a little. We are all excellent in our own particular way, even when we don’t feel extraordinary or unique. I hope you guys know that because it’s easy to forget sometimes. Thanks again for reading; hopefully, I’ll see you all soon.
Sincerely,
LIBD
