The whole reason I started a blog was in the hopes that by writing about life struggles, I would be able to find answers and solutions. And that just maybe those answers/ solutions would be able to bring hope to someone else. I finally felt like I was figuring things out, but the funny thing about learning is that the more you know, the more you realize you don’t know. It’s like for every answer, I’m left with 2 more questions.
Lately, I’ve been overwhelmed with how much I simply don’t know. I have so many unanswered questions that leave me feeling more and more uncertain about my future. It reminds me of a conversation I had with one of my old riding instructors. She was working with a horse on its form for dressage, and we talked. I told her I missed having her as my teacher because she never ran out of things to teach. Her response was unexpected yet quite obvious at the same time. She told me she never ran out of things to teach because she never ran out of things to learn.
I was at a point in my riding when I was learning nothing new. I thought I had all the answers, but it seemed that the more I thought I knew, the more I realized I didn’t know much at all. 8 years of riding, and I still didn’t know everything. After that brief conversation, I felt like a beginner at the end of my first lesson. I realized there was so much more to learn. I guess that’s kind of how I feel about life right now.
I felt like I had reached a point where I was starting to understand this crazy thing called life, but then I found I had so many more questions than I did before. Just like with my riding, It’s not that I don’t know anything, but I thought I had learned everything there was to learn. Now, if you ask any of my school friends, they will tell you I know anything and everything about horses, and they aren’t totally wrong. I know a lot. However, I’m sure if my horse friends were honest with me, they would probably say I know the basics and leave it at that.
As humans, we will never have all the answers. We might know more than we did yesterday, but we will never know everything. I don’t know if my dream of a horse for Christmas is pointless (Editing Note: it is). I don’t know if the guy I like will ever like me back or if he even likes me at all (Editing Note: He didn’t, and he doesn’t). I don’t know if I’ll be able to even like myself. I don’t even know if my dreams are worth dreaming of anymore. Quite frankly, I don’t even know what God wants me to do or if he is listening at all. I just don’t know. Unlike riding, there is no teacher to tell you the best way to get through life.
I don’t have a solution this time. I can only tell you that you are not alone if you’ve ever felt this way. For now, I will stick to what I know. Pray, because it helps to know that someone is listening. Keep my eyes open for any doors that God might open for me. Editing Note: wow, you can tell I was at bible college when I wrote this. Above all, I intend to never stop dreaming. Without dreams, we have nothing to reach for, and I genuinely believe God places our goals in our hearts for a reason. I’m not going to tell you that if you try hard enough and have faith, all your dreams will come true, but I will tell you that God wants us to succeed even if it isn’t exactly the way we plan it out in our heads. I’m probably never going on tour with a band singing and inspiring people across the county with amazing music or speeches. Still, for now, I have a blog that I know at least a few people read, and I occasionally get to sing some of my favorite worship songs for my church. (Editing Note: I don’t sing anymore. I play the Cajon, but I don’t even do that anymore. I’m a lousy Christian at the moment.)
So maybe I don’t have all the answers, and perhaps I never will. I know that my friend always told me never to jump to the end of the book. The beginning and middle are the most essential parts, and the ending simply ties everything together. No matter how boring or confusing it might seem at the moment, the only way the story will make sense is to keep on reading. Besides, sometimes when you reach the end of a book, all the parts you thought were so important were just a filler to get to the main point.
So I hope you find the courage to press on if you feel overwhelmed with unanswered questions, as I sometimes do. Sometimes the only way to find the correct answer is to find the wrong ones first. Sometimes you can make a lucky guess. Other times the question you are focusing on is the wrong one. As I said, I have more questions than answers, and right now….. I just don’t know.
Sincerely,
LifeInspiredByDreams
More Questions Than Answers
