In my last music Monday, I said I would post this later that same week, but that never happened. Here it is though, the very late follow-up to my Music Monday post, which you should totally read if you haven’t. The song, Someone Else, goes right along with this theme. I hope you like it, but it’s been a week, and I don’t even remember what I wrote.
It’s time guys…. The whole reason I started this blog was to one day write something like this, and I hope when I’m done, it will meet my possibly-too-high expectations. This post is for you just as much as for me. When I’m feeling down, I can read it again and again until it sinks in. So, buckle up and get ready for some truth bombs because it’s about to get real. Let’s do this.
One of the biggest obstacles in my recovery was my self-esteem; sometimes, it’s still a problem. However, I can happily report it is getting better. Because of this, I would like to share some of my tips and tricks with you again in the hope that you can start to feel better as well. I’ll start with some general rules, but no matter how insane or impossible they sound, just keep reading, and I promise it will all make sense by the time I’m done. Just don’t shoot anything down until you’ve read the whole thing.
First off, I want you to know that you are fantastic! You are one of a kind, and you matter so much. If you disagree with that statement, I’m sorry you feel that way, and I would like to dedicate this post to you. Yes, that’s right, You! The hardest part for me was the subconscious self-hatred. I didn’t want to hate myself, but I did and didn’t know how to stop or why I should stop.
I’ll start with the why. Why shouldn’t I hate myself? Why shouldn’t you hate yourself? Well, I’m glad you asked. I’ll refer you to my earlier statement. You are super cool and super talented, and there are so many beautiful things about you that you might not see right now, but I promise they are there. Don’t stop reading yet. You can’t call bs until I’m done.
Moving on to the how. The very first step is stopping the negative thoughts. I used to literally walk around with “I hate myself” glued to the front of my brain. Even now, it still pops into my head, but you have got to stop those thoughts. It doesn’t matter if you think it’s true. You can’t give those thoughts the power. Whenever those words pop into my head, I change them. Once I became aware of the subconscious thought, I was able to change it. When my brain starts to say those words, I change the ending to something better, so instead of thinking that I hate myself, I will think, “I hate some of the decisions I made” or “I hate the way I think of myself.” The first step is retraining your brain to think better thoughts. It takes a lot of work; it took me almost 3 years to get this far, and I still fall back occasionally.
The next rule is being careful what you tell yourself or say about yourself. A general rule of thumb is that if you wouldn’t say it to your favorite person or friend, then you shouldn’t say it about yourself. There are a lot of ways to go about this. First, don’t shoot down compliments. If someone tells you they like your hair, just say thank you! That was the first thing I learned. I used to always deny compliments because I didn’t believe them. That brings us to number two; be a friend to yourself.
Someone once told me there wasn’t anything good about them. That is ABSOLUTELY not true. Find something; Find ANYTHING! Maybe your hair looks great today, or perhaps that outfit looks perfect on you. I have an ‘I look good today’ outfit that I wear anytime I’m going to be around a lot of people, so I won’t feel like everyone is judging me. Find your own ‘I look good today’ outfit. Be kind to yourself, and if you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything. At first, it was hard because I didn’t realize how often I talked bad about myself. The first step before you can be nice to yourself is to stop being mean to yourself. Just putting an end to the negativity made such a difference but remember, it doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process that takes time, but don’t give up because I didn’t feel like I was making progress until I looked back years later and saw how far I had come.
This next tip might sound weird, but don’t judge because it works. I would stand in front of the mirror singing Me Too by Meghan Trainor, and even if I didn’t believe it, I sang it like I meant it, and I felt like a boss. Also, Boss by NCT 127 makes me feel like a boss when I listen to it.
Side note: someone didn’t know what I meant when I said something was boss. When I say someone or something is boss, it means it’s all that, or they are all that. Like how in video games, you would have to defeat the boss, who was usually a bad guy or monster that required extra skill to defeat. If you managed to beat it, only then could you move on to the next level. So that’s what I mean when I say, boss, back to the topic.
Listen to that song that makes you feel like a boss and take some time to enjoy the feeling. At first, confidence was a weird feeling, but the more I experienced it, the more I liked it, and the more I wanted to feel like that. Keep in mind that everything I’m writing is being written from 5 years of learning, struggling, and success. Don’t expect to feel better tomorrow; if you do, that’s great but don’t count on it. Don’t get discouraged though. The second most important thing I learned is good things take time, and everyone has their own path to walk, but don’t let a lack of progress get you down. I believe in you, even if you don’t. You deserve to feel good about yourself even if you don’t think you do. While I was learning to love myself, I was much better at giving advice than I was at taking said advice, which brings me to my final tip.
Write a letter yourself as if you were writing it to a friend. What would you want yourself to know about yourself? If your best friend was in your shoes, what would you say? Deep down, I knew what I needed to hear, but I didn’t believe it or think I deserved it. It was easier to be kind to myself when I wasn’t directly talking to myself. Put those letters in a particular place. Get those letters out every time you see yourself sliding back into the negativity. I still look at mine every once in a while when I can’t remember why I’m so awesome.
The only problem is that sometimes I’m doing too good, and I can be a bit full of myself, but then I see how my hair looks when I wake up in the morning, and it humbles me. Also, there’s nothing wrong with feeling like you’re all that as long as you’re still able to be a decent human. You deserve to feel like a boss because even if you don’t see it now, someday you will. One day I walked past a mirror, and I saw myself. My first thought was, “you don’t look half bad today. Way to be, girl. Way to be,” and I was shocked after I thought that, but I realized I liked feeling like that, and that was my lightbulb moment. I hope you will be able to work towards your lightbulb moment as well because no matter what you or anyone else says, you matter and are important. You have a lot to offer this world. Once you see your greatness, then you can share your greatness with the rest of the world, and even though I might not know you, I feel like you’ve got a lot to share.
I hope you liked this, even if all you got out of it was that you deserve to be the best you can be. It all starts with being aware of negative thoughts and slowly replacing them with positive ones. You deserve to be happy, and I hope I was able to help you find your happiness. I wish you the best of luck in life, my dear reader, and until next time…..
Sincerely,
LIBD
A Guide to Loving Yourself
