Hey guys, today I want to talk about asking for help. This post does get a little heavy, so if you think you might be triggered, just read with caution. This is all about my personal experience; it’s not a one-size-fits-all thing, but we’ll get into that more later on. For now, let’s get started.
I want cover something I haven’t talked about a ton. I talk A LOT here. I share my thoughts and my experiences. The goal has always been to help people feel less alone and maybe even a little inspired. Most of my posts end on a positive, hopeful note. But sometimes words just aren’t enough.Sometimes the pain we feel runs too deep to be comforted by words. I realize some people might read my blog and think I’m full of shit because how can good exist when all you feel is darkness and despair?
I still remember it. Not vividly anymore, since it’s been 9 years now since I left the hospital. When I hear about people who have committed suicide, I hear people ask why. And I’m not that person, so I don’t know exactly why, but I get it. Because eventually the darkness felt so consuming to me that I felt the only way to stop those horrible, horrible feelings was to end it. I didn’t really want to die though; I just wanted the feelings to go away.
There were no words that made the feeling go away. No prayer or bible verse or words of comfort made the feelings go away. I didn’t want to live, but I didn’t want to die, so I went to my doctor, and I told them how I felt. They recommended I go to the ER, and from there I went to the psych ward.
In the psych ward, every day they asked me how I was doing, and I was fine. I didn’t have to work, I didn’t have to do laundry, I was safe (that’s a word that gets tossed around a lot), and I was there to get better.
For me though, it got worse before it got better because I learned how to feel my feelings and name them and confront my thoughts. I think I was only in inpatient for a week or maybe a week and a half. I was in their 2-week outpatient program for a whole month before I got transferred to DBT (It’s a type of therapy). But by the time I completed DBT, I felt like a whole new person.
And here’s the crazy thing about getting help. It doesn’t happen overnight, but when I finally started feeling better, nothing external had changed in my life. I was finally on meds that actually worked for me. I learned how to understand and process my thoughts and feelings. I got established with a good psychiatrist. Heck, even now, almost 10 years later, I’m going back to counseling. 10 years later. Getting help isn’t just going to the doctor, taking a magic pill, and suddenly feeling better. It’s time and effort, and it never really stops.
I still have bad days. I’m still on medication cause I need to be, but I’m so much better than I was, and each day I try to keep getting better. Sometimes it’s 1 step forward and 2 steps back. You can be doing great for months and then suddenly every day is a struggle, but you know how to talk about it and how to handle it.
I say all this, dear readers, because if you are depressed… truly depressed, or if you have crippling anxiety, words are just a band-aid that may help for a minute, but they aren’t going to fix anything. So if you are struggling, please tell someone. Get help. Don’t keep the feelings locked up inside pretending everything’s fine because they will consume you.
Maybe you just need therapy; maybe you need to go to the hospital like I did. I had a friend who was really low once, and I told her the hospital may not be fun, but it will be worth it. Whatever you do though, don’t give up. Don’t let yourself miss out on all that life has to offer. If I can do it, I know you can too. It’ll take time, but you don’t have to feel that way forever.
I want to finish by reminding you that all of this is based on my personal experience with my own mental health issues. Everyone’s path to recovery is going to look different because we are all different. Don’t ever think you aren’t hurting enough to ask for help. I wish I hadn’t waited so long to ask for help. If something’s going on in your life, talk to someone, be it a crisis line or a trained therapist. You don’t have to face it alone.
Sincerely,
LIBD
Asking for Help
