Alright, I was really on the fence about writing this, but I’m sending this to my friends because they are good at telling me when I’m being honest and when I’m being a jagweed. So if you’re reading this, I can only assume they approved it. Let’s get into it and just bear with me until the end, please.
There are people in your life who just can’t seem to let you be happy. They are always bringing you down and hurting you. Realistically they probably aren’t trying to ruin your life (at least, I hope they aren’t), but it really feels like it sometimes. Maybe as you read this, you’ll be reminded of someone particular that you know. Maybe not. Let’s jump right into today’s song.
[Chorus]
I used to lie awake and let you occupy my mind
I used to put you first and always leave myself behind, and
I'll admit you got real close, but
I'll be sleeping fine tonight
Sorry, I don't mean to disappoint you
You didn't ruin my life
Coming out strong right out of the gate, aren’t they? What I’m hoping to convey throughout this post is that it’s highly unlikely someone is trying to ruin my life. I may not know everyone’s true intentions, but no one is staying up till 3 in the morning plotting my demise. 99% of the people really don’t care that much. The twist to this is people can ruin our lives though, but only if we let them. And I’ve decided that I’m not going to allow anyone to have that power over me. In some ways, this is a guide on how to deal with toxic people.
Why'd I let you in my head?
I never should've let you creep in
Every single word you said
Gotta find a way to shake it
For the longest time, I was told that everything was my fault and that I was the problem. I’m not saying I haven’t made mistakes. Of course I have I’m human, but for years I had to listen to the echoes of those voices as I tried to fall asleep at night. Bullies, teachers, and even family members.
They say things like “You’ve brought this all upon yourself”, “you just try to cause trouble”, “You’re so fat”, or “Your so lazy, you don’t even try”. When you hear something enough times it gets stuck in your head whether it’s true or not. It’s like when a song you don’t like is stuck in your head and you just can’t forget it no matter how hard you try.
You don't wanna let me be
You wanna see me fall to pieces
Tryna put a curse on me
Gotta find a way to break it
[Insert Chorus]
Sometimes it seems as if people can’t stand to see you happy, like they make it their personal mission in life to mess with you and make you miserable. Just like I said before 99% of them really couldn’t care less about you, but that doesn’t stop it from happening. There are toxic people in the world. People who only think about themselves, manipulating, and gaslighting others. I experienced that in school as well, but the problem is that when it starts happening from a young age you don’t realize that it’s not okay. At least, I didn’t realize it was toxic; I just knew they were mean and I didn’t want to be around them.
Some days I just can't win
You always had to point your finger
But words will never pierce my skin
I finally found a way to shake them
There are always going to be people in your life who hurt you. I used to hate going to family gatherings for this reason. Back then I didn’t know how to deal with it, so I just sat there and took it. Another voice that would echo in my head. I have to ask myself if what they are saying is true. It could be a valid complaint and instead of an insult, I can use it as an opportunity to grow.
The good thing about making mistakes is that you get to learn from them and not make them again. Sometimes what they are saying is BS and you just got to let it go in one ear and out the other. People are jagweeds sometimes, and just because someone is family, or a close friend doesn’t give them the right to treat you like shit. I deserve better, and I deserve respect. I didn’t believe it before, but I do now, and I hope you do too.
And you can spill your hate on me
Now I know that I can take it
Unfortunately, it’s not always possible to cut toxic people out of your life, but I’m not going to allow people like that to have power over me anymore. If people can’t treat me decently and with a little bit of civil respect, then I don’t need them in my life. No matter what anyone says, I am not the problem. I’m happy to be reasonable and civil so if someone’s got a problem it’s on them not me. This is why it’s good to have friends like mine who can objectively tell me when I am the problem. 9 times out of 10 though, I’m not.
And you're the one who's hurt clearly
You're the one who's really breaking
[Insert Chorus]
There’s that old saying, “Hurt people, hurt people”. Oftentimes toxic people aren’t bad people. They are people who are hurting and are so unhappy with their own lives that they want everyone around them to be as miserable as they are. I feel sorry for them because even while I come out stronger on the other side, they will continue to be unhappy.
Narcissism is also a real thing, and people who are narcissists legitimately can’t see how or why their behavior hurts others. Again, that’s their own problem and has nothing to do with me. Maybe one day the people who hurt us and manipulate us will also realize that they deserve better too and stand up for themselves instead of putting others down. It’s really kind of sad when you think about it.
I used to lie awake and let you occupy my mind (occupy my mind)
I used to put you first and always leave myself behind and
I wasted so much time believing their lies and being hard on myself. I didn’t know how to deal with toxic people for a long time. I was also to scared to stand up for myself. My self-esteem went down the drain, and I genuinely felt guilty for a lot of things that weren’t my fault because I was told that I was. For example, my teachers got mad at me for not applying myself, but they didn’t follow my 504 plan, where I was supposed to have my notes printed out for me.
They didn’t say that though. They said if I actually tried then I would get better grades. It’s funny because there was 1 teacher who printed my notes out. Not just for me, he did it for the whole class. He’d give us all the notes a day before to review before class. I got a B in his class. It was the highest grade I got in high school outside my graphic design and media classes. Maybe if the other teachers applied themselves and printed my notes out, I’d have a better grade. I guess we will never know.
I'll admit you got real close but
I'll be sleeping fine tonight
Sorry, I don't mean to disappoint you
I wish I could have come to this epiphany earlier, but better late than never. It’s never too late to start putting yourself first and realize that you are worthy of respect. Have standards for how you would like to be treated. Be angry when people disrespect you because you deserve better. Be proud because you are the only you in the entire universe. Don’t let other people determine your worth and value for as long as I did. It’s a waste of time and energy and no matter how hard you try they will never be satisfied.
You didn't ruin my life [x3]
I guess the title isn’t totally accurate because a lot of people DID ruin my life, but that ends today, right now. No one has the power to ruin your life unless you let them, so for the love of all that is good in this world…. Stop letting them. I’m directing that mostly at myself, but I think it’s good advice for anyone.
Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please give it a like, and I would love to hear from y’all as well, so don’t be shy about leaving a comment. I’ll see y’all next week!
Sincerely,
LIBD