Tag: The Rose

#Music Monday (Childhood by The Rose)

Posted on by LIBD

First of all, Happy New Year!!!!!! Secondly… Did anyone appreciate their childhood as much as they should of? I didn’t. I just wanted to grow up as fast as possible, so I could become a famous singer or inspirational speaker. In the last post, there was that quote about a star pocket, and I think a lot of my best memories were not necessarily my childhood but when I was younger, at least, lol

Staying up late at night
Imagining all kinds of settings

I used to imagine I was in Eragon, The Chronicles of Narnia, or the Lord of the Rings, fighting fantastic battles and defeating evil. I’ve always been an introvert. When I was younger, I didn’t have many friends. So, I would imagine myself in my favorite books or movies with my favorite characters going on epic quests across magical lands. Those were the good days. Which is pretty pathetic since it wasn’t real, but that should tell you how exciting my life was.

Dreaming 'bout my life
Everything seemed so possible then

I would watch America’s got talent, and I was sure one day it would be me. I’d sing, shock the entire world with my talent, and become a famous singer. Or an actor. Either would have been fine, haha.

Now I don't even dream
Sick of feeling low again, mhm

After a while, the disappointment weighed me down to the point where I was just like, “That’s it. I’m never going to amount to anything.” That was why I tried so hard to achieve happiness. I figured if I couldn’t reach my actual goals and dreams, then surely happiness was a reasonable goal.

Saying that I'm the one
Thinking the world revolved around me

I thought I was special. Like I was destined for fame and fortune and could change the world. I still forget sometimes that the world doesn’t revolve around me.

Hoping for someone
To come and save me from this story

No one is coming to save me though. This isn’t how my life was supposed to go. I don’t know what I was expecting but definitely not this.

Now I don't even lean
Sick of waiting on my dreams

My dreams are more like just a nice thought now. A fun side story to distract me from all…. everything. I waited long enough for my dreams, but at the same time, what have I got to lose? If my life sucks, I should at least be able to dream that one day it won’t, even if that day never comes.

Don't forget when you were a child
Even when time passes
Let it stay in your mind

My brother once convinced me to eat grass when I was really little. I remember fishing with my grandpa, sparklers, and fireworks on the fourth of July. The sweet feeling that came with summer vacation and those months with no school to worry about. No bills and no job, and I still wasn’t happy. Funny how our perspective changes over time.

Don't live your life like you have a thousand years
Ready for you to waste your time on regrets
Don't you ever
You will never

Even if I can’t follow my dreams, I shouldn’t continue to live in regret like I am now. I don’t have 1000 years. I’ll be lucky if I get 85 more. I’ve wasted enough time, but how do I change it?

Don't forget
The dreams you had on your mind
Don't question yourself anymore
Even if the world pollutes you
Don't let yourself be robbed
Of the pure innocence of childhood

Why do I keep talking about dreams? The theme is youth and Time. As a child, I wasn’t waiting for life to be worth living, I just lived, and it was…. Not horrible. It’s no wonder I’m so miserable when all my focus is on what I think needs to happen instead of just living and making the most of each day.

Don't forget when you were a child
Even when time passes
Let it stay in your mind
Don't live your life like you have a thousand years
Ready for you to waste your time on regrets
Don't you ever
You will never, no

No wonder I feel like I’m running out of time. I’m not living; I’m just waiting for a reason to start living, and I don’t need one. I need to live and focus on being present in each moment to make the most of it and not let time slip past me. I will run out of time if I wait for my life to be complete. Like Oneus says in their song incomplete, “It’s okay even if it’s not perfect.”

Should've never given up
Should've never said "I can't"
Judging me for who I am
Should've never listened, no
Should've followed my own dreams
It's better late than never, yeah, yeah

It’s not too late though; I’ve still got plenty of time. I have to remember that having dreams is never about success vs. failure. It’s about hope. Hope that one day it will be okay. I shouldn’t give up because I have possibilities. I shouldn’t let my current life situation beat me down. Just because it’s a bad day doesn’t mean it’s a bad life. I may not be where I want to be, but I’m here and going to make the most of it.

Don't (Don't) forget when you were a child (Forget when you're a child)
Even when time passes
Let it stay in your mind
Don't live your life like you have a thousand years
Ready for you to waste your time on regrets
Don't you ever
You will never, no

I think that’s why I didn’t worry about whether or not I would amount to anything when I was younger. I had my whole life ahead of me and was busy making the best of my current situation. The only thing that changed was that I gave myself a time limit and expectation, and since I didn’t meet that, I felt like it was meaningless. As I write this, I’m living my dream right now because I’m doing what I love and enjoying it. This chapter of my life may not have been what I was hoping for, but there are many more chapters to come. It’s not what I imagined my life would be at 27, but for a 27th year I’ve never lived before, it wasn’t that bad.

Sincerely,
LIBD

macro photography of red rose

Healing

Posted on by LIBD

Hey guys!! I’m finally back! If you follow me on Twitter, you will know that Oneus got 4 wins!!! I wanted to make them cry, and we did, lol. Now they have a total of five. The Music Bank win was emotional for all of us. I don’t think there was a dry eye among Oneus or Tomoons. Anyway, even more, exciting K-pop news… The Rose is back!!!!!!! After a long, long time, they are back with a light stick, a tour, and a brand-new album!!!! Y’all, this album……. Damn. It’s soo good, guys, literally soooooo good. I listened to it all day the day it came out over and over and over again. If you haven’t figured it out by now, this post will be about their new album, so I would like to dedicate this post to them.

For the longest time, I thought if I could just get my life together, then everything would be okay. Once I got a job and my license and learned how to make phone calls without having a panic attack, I thought that would solve everything. I even buy my own groceries, just like a real adult. Which is why I think I was feeling so depressed. I had marked off my entire to-do list, but nothing changed; I still wasn’t happy. That magic feeling that I was hoping to feel never came.

The day the album was released, I started listening to it right away. The title of the album is Heal. I cried a bit; the lyrics were so honest and comforting. I’ve always said their music feels like a warm hug, but it was especially true with this album. I could quote 2 paragraphs worth of song lyrics like I did on Twitter the other day, but I won’t. Which means you will have to go listen to all the songs yourself. There was one song I kept coming back to, and it was their song, Cure. The one part I just couldn’t get out of my head goes…

"I just wanna feel the world
Around me more and more
Cause everybody fears the one
The one thing they can't cure
Just tear the page
Spoken parts
Broken pieces of our hearts
To find a way to heal the world
Without a single word
Recover us"

It reminded me of a line from another song that I realized is no longer stuck in my head now that all these new songs have taken up residence. It was a line from the song ‘All our Lives’ by Andrew McMahon. It says,

“There are only two mistakes that I have made. It’s running from the people who could love me the best and trying to fix a world that I can’t change.”

All our Lives

I wanted to fix my life. I tried to fix everything around me, hoping it could fix everything inside of me. I thought if I could just get my life together, then I would be better, but that isn’t how it works.

No amount of outward success can heal me on the inside. I think that’s where healing starts; the inside. You can stand under an umbrella, but it’s not going to make the rain disappear. Healing is tricky though. It’s hard accepting your mistakes, forgiving yourself, and learning to love the person I am. A person whom, by the way, I’ve been at odds with for my entire life. Part of it is that I don’t know how to forgive myself. I don’t know how to make peace with myself and appreciate myself as I am. Someone close to me just told me that I don’t care enough about other people and only put myself first. My friends assured me they were being ridiculous, but they weren’t totally wrong. I am self-centered. When I go out of my way to do stuff for other people, it’s exhausting. I’m not good enough to be proud of myself.

I feel so stupid when I make the littlest mistakes. I’m so good at giving advice and so bad at taking it. These are the things I’m talking about though. Even if I have a fantastic job, get married, and have my own house. None of that is going to fix the storm going on within me. I want to like myself. I want to not be so critical and hard on myself. There’s a part in another song on the album called Time, which goes like this…

Time will heal us
Oh, know the healing won't be overnight
Countless nights crying over mights
Oh yeah, know the healing will take time
Start dealing with it now.

That’s why I want to start dealing with it now. I need to make peace with myself if I want to be the best I can be. It might take time, but I’ve got the part about countless nights of crying down, so I guess that’s a good start? I ordered their album. I hope they included a step-by-step guide to healing. It’s funny that the girl who spent the last 4 years in therapy doesn’t know how to heal herself. Maybe I’ll ask a psychiatrist at the next appt. It’s getting late though, so I better get some sleep.

Also, I’m going to try to get started on the next series soon. I’ve got a plan; I just need to start writing, so keep an eye out for that. I hope you enjoyed this, and please listen to their album and pay attention to the lyrics. I hope it can comfort any of you who may be struggling just like it did for me. I hope you all are well, but that’s okay even if you aren’t. I’ll be here cheering for you, so let’s all do our best this week. I would like to point out that I didn’t tell you to have a good week; I said let’s do our best. That means even if your week isn’t good, it doesn’t have to be bad, either.

That was very cryptic, I know. Thank you so much for reading. Please like, subscribe, or leave a comment. I know I say I’m not nice, but that’s just because I know a lot of nice people. I also know a lot of not-nice people, and I promise I’m not that bad. Also, I’m shallow like a kiddy pool, so comments are almost as exciting as receiving a surprise gift.

Sincerely,
LIBD