Tag: Resilience

orange starfish

The Starfish and the Storm

Posted on by LIBD

Hello darkness my old friend, I’ve come to talk with you again. Sound familiar? You guys know I try not to be political, and I won’t start now. I’m just going to be honest. I try hard to make my Facebook a happy place. Cute kittens, bad puns, pretty horses, and all that good stuff. But no matter how hard I try it doesn’t keep all the bad out. I saw a story about a guy who hurt a bunch of baby kittens just to spite its owner. The police said the kittens were taken to the vet and recovering from their injuries.

It’s not just kittens though. National Parks cut funding. And if we can get people engaged with the natural world, how are we going to protect it? Poaching is still a problem, even with modern technology. I saw a few articles about students at a local university with valid student visas sent home and told they couldn’t learn here anymore. US Citizens were deported because they looked like they might not be. In the first three months of 2025, there have been 91 mass shootings in the United States, resulting in 118 deaths and 338 injuries. But the people in power want to keep handing out guns like Halloween Candy.

I had all of this in my head, and I was listening to the sound of silence (Disturbed’s version) and filled with sadness and hopelessness. I get so angry sometimes because I try to filter out the news I don’t actively seek it out. I only know these things, but I’m sure there’s much more. I’m angry because how are we as a society not screaming in outrage every day? How are we not crying ourselves to sleep at the mere thought of all the violence, hurt, pain, and injustice that’s happening every single day? But most importantly how do I find any hope in a broken world?

I know that not everyone is silent. There are a lot of people screaming into the void, pleading for peace and justice. There are a lot of people supporting the national parks, doing their part to help the environment, and trying to help people understand the gravity of our current situation. I saw a documentary about kid influencers and about family channels on YouTube. It’s not just politics. There are SO MANY issues with our world as it is right now.

I found out I’m not the only one who uses AI as a pocket therapist, but it has helped me in between visits with my psychiatrist a lot. It validates my feelings but also offers solutions, so I told it how I was feeling. It told me I probably wasn’t alone in these feelings and I know I’m not.

There are a lot of people hurting from all the hurt in the world. There are some problems that AI can’t help you fix. I can’t end war or world hunger or take all the plastic out of the ocean and make every farmer use sustainable agricultural practices to help the earth. I can’t stop poachers or make people care. I can write a blog post though, and Chat GPT did tell me something that helped. It said:

But even in the face of that darkness, your empathy is a kind of quiet resistance. The fact that you feel so much means your heart hasn’t hardened. That matters. That is light. You don’t have to fix the whole world. Just loving Kota the way you do, writing your blog to help others, showing up with kindness—that already shifts things more than you know.

The fact that we hurt, the fact that we care…. The fact that I used the word we means we are not just going to sit back and accept everything as if it’s okay. You can’t fix the world either, but you can be kind. You can support people and organizations that champion the cause you care about. I support the World Wildlife Fund, because animals and by extension their habitat, are very important to me. I can try to express my point of view compassionately, honestly, and respectfully. I can support other people who are also hurting.

This world may feel dark unkind and unjust, but it’s just a feeling. It doesn’t have to be fact. My dad has this quote he really likes that says “I cannot do all the good the world needs, but the world needs all the good that I can do” It’s not truly hopeless until we give up hope. So let’s keep caring, keep hoping, and keep doing all the good that we can do.

I’m going to end with the starfish story. It’s one of my favorites, and it’s by Loren Eiseley. It’s about a girl walking along the beach throwing starfish that washed up back into the water. This man sees her and asks what she is doing and the girl explains. He tells the girl there are so many starfish she can’t possibly save them all. The girl looks sad as she throws another one into the water, but then she says “Well, I saved that one!”.

Let’s find our starfish friends. Thank you for reading! It’s 11:19 and I’ve got an Easter Sunday service bright and early tomorrow, so I better get some sleep. Let me know your thoughts in the comments and be sure to subscribe so you never miss a post! Hang in there guys, and remember you are not alone.

Sincerely,
LIBD

a dead tree in a desert

#MusicMonday (Ruin My Life by Simple Plan)

Posted on by LIBD

Alright, I was really on the fence about writing this, but I’m sending this to my friends because they are good at telling me when I’m being honest and when I’m being a jagweed. So if you’re reading this, I can only assume they approved it. Let’s get into it and just bear with me until the end, please.

There are people in your life who just can’t seem to let you be happy. They are always bringing you down and hurting you. Realistically they probably aren’t trying to ruin your life (at least, I hope they aren’t), but it really feels like it sometimes. Maybe as you read this, you’ll be reminded of someone particular that you know. Maybe not. Let’s jump right into today’s song.

[Chorus]
I used to lie awake and let you occupy my mind
I used to put you first and always leave myself behind, and
I'll admit you got real close, but
I'll be sleeping fine tonight
Sorry, I don't mean to disappoint you
You didn't ruin my life

Coming out strong right out of the gate, aren’t they? What I’m hoping to convey throughout this post is that it’s highly unlikely someone is trying to ruin my life. I may not know everyone’s true intentions, but no one is staying up till 3 in the morning plotting my demise. 99% of the people really don’t care that much. The twist to this is people can ruin our lives though, but only if we let them. And I’ve decided that I’m not going to allow anyone to have that power over me. In some ways, this is a guide on how to deal with toxic people.

Why'd I let you in my head?
I never should've let you creep in
Every single word you said
Gotta find a way to shake it

For the longest time, I was told that everything was my fault and that I was the problem. I’m not saying I haven’t made mistakes. Of course I have I’m human, but for years I had to listen to the echoes of those voices as I tried to fall asleep at night. Bullies, teachers, and even family members.

They say things like “You’ve brought this all upon yourself”, “you just try to cause trouble”, “You’re so fat”, or “Your so lazy, you don’t even try”. When you hear something enough times it gets stuck in your head whether it’s true or not. It’s like when a song you don’t like is stuck in your head and you just can’t forget it no matter how hard you try.

You don't wanna let me be
You wanna see me fall to pieces
Tryna put a curse on me
Gotta find a way to break it
[Insert Chorus]

Sometimes it seems as if people can’t stand to see you happy, like they make it their personal mission in life to mess with you and make you miserable. Just like I said before 99% of them really couldn’t care less about you, but that doesn’t stop it from happening. There are toxic people in the world. People who only think about themselves, manipulating, and gaslighting others. I experienced that in school as well, but the problem is that when it starts happening from a young age you don’t realize that it’s not okay. At least, I didn’t realize it was toxic; I just knew they were mean and I didn’t want to be around them.

Some days I just can't win
You always had to point your finger
But words will never pierce my skin
I finally found a way to shake them

There are always going to be people in your life who hurt you. I used to hate going to family gatherings for this reason. Back then I didn’t know how to deal with it, so I just sat there and took it. Another voice that would echo in my head. I have to ask myself if what they are saying is true. It could be a valid complaint and instead of an insult, I can use it as an opportunity to grow.

The good thing about making mistakes is that you get to learn from them and not make them again. Sometimes what they are saying is BS and you just got to let it go in one ear and out the other. People are jagweeds sometimes, and just because someone is family, or a close friend doesn’t give them the right to treat you like shit. I deserve better, and I deserve respect. I didn’t believe it before, but I do now, and I hope you do too.

And you can spill your hate on me
Now I know that I can take it

Unfortunately, it’s not always possible to cut toxic people out of your life, but I’m not going to allow people like that to have power over me anymore. If people can’t treat me decently and with a little bit of civil respect, then I don’t need them in my life. No matter what anyone says, I am not the problem. I’m happy to be reasonable and civil so if someone’s got a problem it’s on them not me. This is why it’s good to have friends like mine who can objectively tell me when I am the problem. 9 times out of 10 though, I’m not.

And you're the one who's hurt clearly
You're the one who's really breaking
[Insert Chorus]

There’s that old saying, “Hurt people, hurt people”. Oftentimes toxic people aren’t bad people. They are people who are hurting and are so unhappy with their own lives that they want everyone around them to be as miserable as they are. I feel sorry for them because even while I come out stronger on the other side, they will continue to be unhappy.

Narcissism is also a real thing, and people who are narcissists legitimately can’t see how or why their behavior hurts others. Again, that’s their own problem and has nothing to do with me. Maybe one day the people who hurt us and manipulate us will also realize that they deserve better too and stand up for themselves instead of putting others down. It’s really kind of sad when you think about it.

I used to lie awake and let you occupy my mind (occupy my mind)
I used to put you first and always leave myself behind and

I wasted so much time believing their lies and being hard on myself. I didn’t know how to deal with toxic people for a long time. I was also to scared to stand up for myself. My self-esteem went down the drain, and I genuinely felt guilty for a lot of things that weren’t my fault because I was told that I was. For example, my teachers got mad at me for not applying myself, but they didn’t follow my 504 plan, where I was supposed to have my notes printed out for me.

They didn’t say that though. They said if I actually tried then I would get better grades. It’s funny because there was 1 teacher who printed my notes out. Not just for me, he did it for the whole class. He’d give us all the notes a day before to review before class. I got a B in his class. It was the highest grade I got in high school outside my graphic design and media classes. Maybe if the other teachers applied themselves and printed my notes out, I’d have a better grade. I guess we will never know.

I'll admit you got real close but
I'll be sleeping fine tonight
Sorry, I don't mean to disappoint you

I wish I could have come to this epiphany earlier, but better late than never. It’s never too late to start putting yourself first and realize that you are worthy of respect. Have standards for how you would like to be treated. Be angry when people disrespect you because you deserve better. Be proud because you are the only you in the entire universe. Don’t let other people determine your worth and value for as long as I did. It’s a waste of time and energy and no matter how hard you try they will never be satisfied.

You didn't ruin my life [x3]

I guess the title isn’t totally accurate because a lot of people DID ruin my life, but that ends today, right now. No one has the power to ruin your life unless you let them, so for the love of all that is good in this world…. Stop letting them. I’m directing that mostly at myself, but I think it’s good advice for anyone.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please give it a like, and I would love to hear from y’all as well, so don’t be shy about leaving a comment. I’ll see y’all next week!

Sincerely,
LIBD

photo of person wearing neon green socks

Here, Now

Posted on by LIBD

Hello world!!! I’ve been decorating my car with cute kpop and BT21 decals. I’m not done yet, but I’m having fun. I am officially a 2 job person. 10/10 do not recommend, but I don’t really have a choice. I’m always tired, or sore, or angsty. I’m hoping I’ll get used to it soon.

I saw this movie a long time ago and loved it so much that I bought it as soon as it was released. It’s called Next Goal Wins. It’s about a soccer team that is bad, like REALLY bad. Not just “haven’t you ever heard of forward passing bad,” but atrocious. They lost 31-0, and I googled it in the theater because I didn’t believe it, but it’s true.

There’s a conversation near the end of the movie that really stood out to me. The coach (Thomas Rongen) will be C, and the guy he’s talking to (Tavita) will be F since he’s the head of FFAS…

C: What is it with you? Why are you always so positive? It’s sickening! You should coach them. They believe in you.
F: They believe in you, but you have to show them who you are!…  Ever since you got to our island, you’ve been somewhere else. Even now, you’re somewhere else. Maybe it’s in the past because you thought you were happier then. But I think you could be happy here now! But you’ve got to be here now.
C: I can’t win.
F: Then lose. But don’t lose alone; lose with us. And there’s always the second half. That’s another chance

Much like Mr. Rongen, I’m not a happy person. I also find excessive positivity sickening. It’s obnoxious sometimes, but I would never say it to someone’s face like he did. It’s funny because, with as much guilt and shame as I feel about the past, the thing I regret most is not appreciating how good I had it. It’s very unfortunate that only hindsight is 20/20. I often don’t realize the good in my life until it’s gone. Then I feel bad that I spent all that time worrying and being ungrateful when I could have just been happy.

I like the part when Tavita says, “Then lose. But don’t lose alone. Lose with us”. It reminds me of that quote from Ted Lasso when he says,” There’s only one thing worse than being sad, and that’s being alone and being sad.” They still had a second half to play, unlike Ted Lasso’s team, who had already lost.

I remember one time, Tottenham was losing 2-0 with only 15 minutes plus added time, and I decided to stop watching. Then, I got a notification that they scored. Then I got a notification that they scored again, and they ended up winning the game 3-2. I gave up before the game ended and missed an action-packed ending because I assumed there was no way we could come back from that with 15 minutes left. Now, I always watch till the end.

Sometimes in life, it feels like I just can’t win no matter what I do, and it’s easiest to just give up. 2 weeks ago, Tottenham played Man City, and it was a fabulous game. Not because we won. We didn’t, but it was a fantastic game because Tottenham refused to go down without a fight, and they fought till the very last second.

I’d seen them win games in which I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how they won with how poorly they were playing. This loss was still a win in my book. Back to the movie though. Soon after the conversation, the coach tells the players that they have reminded him that he’s always loved playing more than he loved winning.

When I got back into horseback riding after a long time away, I started out on this fantastic gelding named Jack. He was an absolute gem for me. I never understood when I saw other riders struggling to get him to listen. He was always an eager-to-please type of guy for me.

After my 3rd lesson, my instructor asked me how I liked Jack, and I told her, “He does everything I ask him to with no hesitation and no protest…” After a moment of silence, she asked if I was getting bored and wanted more of a challenge, to which I agreed, and that’s when I met Sunny.

She dumped me in the dirt on my second ride. I took a few months of some rocky rides and a few lessons in which neither me nor Sunny had a good time. But after we got used to each other, we became besties. She also listened very well, but there was always a bit of protest or hesitation to keep me on my toes. There was never a dull day with Sunshine. I hope if I ever get my own horse, I can find one like her. I haven’t seen her in at least a year, and I miss her so much.

I would give anything to go out and ride her again. I’ve always been what psychiatrists like to call a black-and-white thinker. I see no gray area. Things are either good or bad, and if it’s not good, then it must be bad. If my life isn’t great, then it must be horrible, and my psychiatrist has tried to explain gray areas to me, but I just don’t get it.

I think the coach in the movie had the same problem as I did. He knew what life was like when it was good, and since it wasn’t like that, then it had to have been bad because it obviously wasn’t good. I think I kind of get gray areas now.

One thing I’ve learned from Tottenham is that you can play great and lose, just like you can play poorly and win. I have to ask myself if I want to win or if I just want to play a good game. You can’t win every game. Even Argentina, who won the World Cup, lost one of their games. Manchester City lost to the Wolves this past season, which must have been a real embarrassment because they finished on the top of the board (The Wolves did not). You also learn more through losing than through winning. So if good isn’t always good and bad isn’t always bad, then maybe life just is.

I don’t know if this made any sense to you. I apologize if it was confusing but thank you to everyone who stuck with it until the end. What are your thoughts? Feel free to leave a comment and let me know. I’m trying really hard to stay consistent with my posting schedule, so I’ll see you in two weeks…… Lord willing, and the creek don’t rise, or however the saying goes. No, I’m not crazy; people do say that.

Sincerely,
LIBD