Tag: dreams

#Music Monday (Childhood by The Rose)

Posted on by LIBD

First of all, Happy New Year!!!!!! Secondly… Did anyone appreciate their childhood as much as they should of? I didn’t. I just wanted to grow up as fast as possible, so I could become a famous singer or inspirational speaker. In the last post, there was that quote about a star pocket, and I think a lot of my best memories were not necessarily my childhood but when I was younger, at least, lol

Staying up late at night
Imagining all kinds of settings

I used to imagine I was in Eragon, The Chronicles of Narnia, or the Lord of the Rings, fighting fantastic battles and defeating evil. I’ve always been an introvert. When I was younger, I didn’t have many friends. So, I would imagine myself in my favorite books or movies with my favorite characters going on epic quests across magical lands. Those were the good days. Which is pretty pathetic since it wasn’t real, but that should tell you how exciting my life was.

Dreaming 'bout my life
Everything seemed so possible then

I would watch America’s got talent, and I was sure one day it would be me. I’d sing, shock the entire world with my talent, and become a famous singer. Or an actor. Either would have been fine, haha.

Now I don't even dream
Sick of feeling low again, mhm

After a while, the disappointment weighed me down to the point where I was just like, “That’s it. I’m never going to amount to anything.” That was why I tried so hard to achieve happiness. I figured if I couldn’t reach my actual goals and dreams, then surely happiness was a reasonable goal.

Saying that I'm the one
Thinking the world revolved around me

I thought I was special. Like I was destined for fame and fortune and could change the world. I still forget sometimes that the world doesn’t revolve around me.

Hoping for someone
To come and save me from this story

No one is coming to save me though. This isn’t how my life was supposed to go. I don’t know what I was expecting but definitely not this.

Now I don't even lean
Sick of waiting on my dreams

My dreams are more like just a nice thought now. A fun side story to distract me from all…. everything. I waited long enough for my dreams, but at the same time, what have I got to lose? If my life sucks, I should at least be able to dream that one day it won’t, even if that day never comes.

Don't forget when you were a child
Even when time passes
Let it stay in your mind

My brother once convinced me to eat grass when I was really little. I remember fishing with my grandpa, sparklers, and fireworks on the fourth of July. The sweet feeling that came with summer vacation and those months with no school to worry about. No bills and no job, and I still wasn’t happy. Funny how our perspective changes over time.

Don't live your life like you have a thousand years
Ready for you to waste your time on regrets
Don't you ever
You will never

Even if I can’t follow my dreams, I shouldn’t continue to live in regret like I am now. I don’t have 1000 years. I’ll be lucky if I get 85 more. I’ve wasted enough time, but how do I change it?

Don't forget
The dreams you had on your mind
Don't question yourself anymore
Even if the world pollutes you
Don't let yourself be robbed
Of the pure innocence of childhood

Why do I keep talking about dreams? The theme is youth and Time. As a child, I wasn’t waiting for life to be worth living, I just lived, and it was…. Not horrible. It’s no wonder I’m so miserable when all my focus is on what I think needs to happen instead of just living and making the most of each day.

Don't forget when you were a child
Even when time passes
Let it stay in your mind
Don't live your life like you have a thousand years
Ready for you to waste your time on regrets
Don't you ever
You will never, no

No wonder I feel like I’m running out of time. I’m not living; I’m just waiting for a reason to start living, and I don’t need one. I need to live and focus on being present in each moment to make the most of it and not let time slip past me. I will run out of time if I wait for my life to be complete. Like Oneus says in their song incomplete, “It’s okay even if it’s not perfect.”

Should've never given up
Should've never said "I can't"
Judging me for who I am
Should've never listened, no
Should've followed my own dreams
It's better late than never, yeah, yeah

It’s not too late though; I’ve still got plenty of time. I have to remember that having dreams is never about success vs. failure. It’s about hope. Hope that one day it will be okay. I shouldn’t give up because I have possibilities. I shouldn’t let my current life situation beat me down. Just because it’s a bad day doesn’t mean it’s a bad life. I may not be where I want to be, but I’m here and going to make the most of it.

Don't (Don't) forget when you were a child (Forget when you're a child)
Even when time passes
Let it stay in your mind
Don't live your life like you have a thousand years
Ready for you to waste your time on regrets
Don't you ever
You will never, no

I think that’s why I didn’t worry about whether or not I would amount to anything when I was younger. I had my whole life ahead of me and was busy making the best of my current situation. The only thing that changed was that I gave myself a time limit and expectation, and since I didn’t meet that, I felt like it was meaningless. As I write this, I’m living my dream right now because I’m doing what I love and enjoying it. This chapter of my life may not have been what I was hoping for, but there are many more chapters to come. It’s not what I imagined my life would be at 27, but for a 27th year I’ve never lived before, it wasn’t that bad.

Sincerely,
LIBD

greyscale photography of person walking between trees

Intro

Posted on by LIBD

Welcome to my new series: Youth! I’m gonna be real with y’all. I can’t be inspiring anymore. So no more posts like that, at least for now. This is gonna be sad, depressing, and boring just like the rest of my life, so buckle up buttercup, and let’s get caught up. How am I doing? I’ll tell you how I’m doing….

My dog had surgery 4 months ago, which I think you knew, and the lump they removed was cancerous, but they got it all, so while it may come back, she’s all good now. So, I’ve got that lurking in my mind, and I’m drowning in debt because of it. I was starting to get my card paid off, and then I bought 2 very expensive and rare K-pop albums that set me back again. Then my dog had problems with her eyes. After 1 trip to the emergency vet, one follow-up, and about $100 worth of medication she was finally starting to get better. Now however, I think she losing her sight because she’s majorly disoriented sometimes and I need to help her get on and off furniture. You are probably thinking, “Wow, that’s a lot.” Well guess what!? I’m not done yet!! Then someone started a rumor about Ravn from Oneus. He left for the sake of the other members, even though I don’t think he did anything wrong. And even though they said they are taking legal action against the person who started the rumor, we are still waiting for the investigation results. So that was 3 days of crying, but I’m still not done. Then I went and got bloodwork done.

Turns out my cholesterol was slightly outside the normal range. Not enough that my doctor was worried, but enough that she didn’t want it to get any worse. So, I can’t even eat the sadness away. I need more hours at work because I want to get my own car, but it’s the slow season at work. Sunny messed up the pole bending pattern at riding lessons in both runs the other night; Ravn’s not coming back. People on Twitter are acting like immature children, and they aren’t even part of our fandom, so idk why they even give a shit about the situation. They must feed off drama or something. It’s uncalled-for, disgusting, and inexcusable behavior.

And I’m still depressed because my thyroid level was off. But since that can cause anxiety, depression, and tiredness, they don’t want to change my other meds till it’s normal, which makes sense, but I hate it. Then I joined a dating app, but I deleted it 5 days later because honestly, how can I even think about dating at a time like this!!!!! I was watching Susan Boyle singing I Dreamed a Dream, and a few spots stood out to me, so I decided maybe it was time to get this series moving.

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high and life worth living…

Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted….

But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather
I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I’m living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream, I dreamed

I Dreamed a Dream

So yeah. That’s how I’m doing. Anyway, here is a quick summary of this series. Starting with a k-quotes that I totally forgot about and am now super excited to write. Then a music Monday for the song Childhood by The Rose. Followed by the main post and finishing with an outro just like a proper K-pop album. I’ll see you guys soon!!!

Sincerely,
LIBD

#MusicMonday (Still Dream by Woojin)

Posted on by LIBD

First off shout out to Woojin! If you love K-pop you HAVE to listen to this album. It’s so good, and there is not a single song I don’t like. I love how personal it is too. You can tell he really poured his heart into it, and that’s not an easy thing to do. I almost didn’t post part 3 because it’s scary to open up about struggles and life and be so honest about it. He did though and it’s great so make sure you check out his album. This translation is from klyricsforyou.com, so shout out to them as well for their amazing translations.

Even within danger
My dream has beautifully blossomed
It’s faraway but even in the darkness
There is always a way

I think people exaggerate the concept of dreams. I want to continue to dream though. Because without dreams, what is life? Life is inspired by dreams, and that’s why we need them. I think it’s important though, to be realistic about dreams. Dreams are meant to be lived, not achieved. Any second I’m blogging, I’m living my dream. Every riding lesson, I am living another dream. So, what if I’m not a world-famous blogger? Who cares if I’m not a Grand Prix level Equestrian? Have you seen how high those jumps are?! They look terrifying! I need to give myself more credit for every little step I take.

I know this but I’m always nervous
My days that are always headed toward you
Dance above the waves
But I, oh, I still
Still dream

I am a little nervous. It’s hard for me to wake up with a brand-new outlook because, as I expressed in the last post, what if it doesn’t work? I can make it work though. Today I worked with one of my favorite co-workers and worked more on this post! It feels good to enjoy life again, which means being content with growth, however small it may be.

Chorus: I’m shouting and running to you
Even if I’m falling right now
Fly, toward you

I know it won’t instantly be perfect, but hopefully, I can keep getting better, working harder, and dreaming bigger. The members of Oneus wanted to be idols. They became idols, and now their dreams keep getting bigger. Yes Ravn, Tomoons have been listening, and we will do our best to help you conquer billboard next.

Chorus continued:
Endless darkness chases after me
Even if it drenches my wings
Fly, even farther, I’ll go

Whenever I’m feeling down, I will think of Oneus and Woojin. They never gave up even when it got hard; eventually, hard work will pay off. For Oneus, it was their first music show win. For Woojin, it was making music again. For me…. More likes and follows. What can I say? I’m shallow, like a kiddy pool. I explained to someone yesterday that I have 106 email subscribers, but my brain doesn’t make the connection. It will always be just a place where I write down my thoughts and sort through my feelings. Whenever I get likes, I’m always like, “eh, it was probably just an accident,” lol.

Where am I? Where is the end?
It was a night when I desperately wanted to ask
But the answer is still
In the unknown tomorrow

The amount of work you have to put in to get where you want to go can be daunting. I’m tired just thinking about it. But I will take it one day at a time, at my own pace, believe in myself, and not think about other people’s standards, just like Oneus taught me. I know every K-pop fan says their favorite group is the best, but Oneus is the best. We are just waiting for everyone else to get on the train. Woojin, please, I need more music so I can love you more, but for now, have fun on your tour!

Even the mirage in the desert
Can be seen by those who dream
So I, oh, I still
Still Dream
[Insert Chorus]
Ooh oh Ooh oh fly higher
Ooh oh Ooh oh fly farther

So let’s do it, guys!! Let’s not be afraid to still dream amid the chaos and clutter of life. I want to be happy, and now I know how to do it. I still have a long way to go, but that’s okay because at least I’m going now.

My small wings are weakly flapping
It’s not enough to fly far ahead
But because you’re far away over there, I can’t stop
Because even the darkness will turn into brilliance if it’s you

I was making my author bio the other day, and everything I researched said the same thing. First: write in the third person. That’s right, the internet told me to, and I felt like a moron doing it. Second: Keep it short and sweet. Third: Establish credibility. Here’s the issue though… I have none!! I may just be me, but that’s not an insult. I’m still finding my way, is all. And that’s okay. And why is that okay, Oneus??? Because “A little slower not gonna hurt your vibe.”

I’m shouting and running to you
Even if I’m falling right now
Fly, toward you
Endless darkness chases after me
Even if it drenches my wings
Fly, even farther, I’ll go

More than anything else, I want to be nicer to myself. I want to stop accusing myself of being a failure because I don’t want to do anything some days. It doesn’t mean my life is ending. All it’s doing is taking away any chance of joy in my life. I’m lazy! I can’t help it, but maybe it’s time to love that part of me too, instead of being ashamed of it. Everybody needs to rest sometimes. Dreams are centered around growth. If you are growing, you are living your dreams. Woojin went through a really, really tough time before this album. I could write an entire post expressing my anger towards that situation, so I will just say this.

I think there are a lot of people who still owe him an apology. However, instead of apologizing, they just pretended as if nothing had happened. I would have given up if I were him, but he didn’t. Even after that, he continued to follow his dreams, and I hope I can be more like him. Learning Korean got extremely difficult, so I stopped and gave up. I hope I can be like Woojin and find the strength and courage to carry on, even when a situation seems hopeless. It’s okay to take a break because I was getting frustrated with how difficult it was, but it’s not okay for me to give up. Your dreams aren’t dead as long as you put forth the effort.

Living dreams doesn’t mean winning every music show. It doesn’t mean having a blog with thousands of likes, comments, and followers; it definitely doesn’t mean everything is going right. Living your dreams is when you don’t have a popular blog, you don’t win every music show, and everything is going wrong, but you keep moving forward despite all of it. As long as you are trying, you are living your dream.

Ooh oh Ooh oh fly higher
Ooh oh Ooh oh fly farther

Sincerely,
LIBD

Being Inspired by Dreams

Posted on by LIBD

In the article Oneus: The Concept Kings Reign in London, the author asks Oneus what messages they would want to give fans inspired to follow in their footsteps. This was the answer they gave:

“If you [only] keep your dreams as a dream in life, you cannot actually achieve anything. But we went for it”

-Hwanwoong (Oneus)

When I first read this, I wanted to say, “It’s easy for you to say Woongie; you’re already there!” Then I read the quote over again and realized I was wrong. It probably was easy to say, but the journey that led them to the interview where he said it was most likely anything but. They gave everything they had to get where they are today. This is why as much as I would like to be angry about his statement, I can’t.

If you’ve read my blog before, you know I have a rocky relationship with myself. I struggle with being a perfectionist and setting impossibly high standards for myself. Then when I don’t reach those standards, I become disappointed with myself for being a failure. It’s something I’m still working on. It’s not easy trying to follow my dreams when there’s no way to be sure my hard work pays off. It’s so much work for something that isn’t guaranteed. Many trainees at K-pop companies don’t debut, and their hard work amounts to nothing. Well, not nothing. Sometimes they become back up dancers or something like that. Even so, that’s a terrifying thought for me. That you could put in so much effort and have it not turn out the way you want.

I’m sure it wasn’t always easy for Oneus. We only see what they let us see, and only know what they tell us, but perhaps they had days when they felt discouraged. Or felt like their hard work wasn’t paying off like they were hoping. Luckily, they have Tomoons to love and support them every day. Xion always talks about how we give them strength and encouragement to keep going. Perhaps they are too busy to contemplate life as much as I do. As I said, I only know what they tell us, so these are my assumptions. I’ve written about it before, but Xion once said he hopes that when we think of them, we feel encouraged just like we make them feel. Fear not Xion, we do. On days when I don’t want to work, I think about how hard they work. I’m sure they have days they don’t want to work, but they do it anyway and give it their best, so I will too. The other night I had the worst panic attack I’d had in a while. I listened to their music, focusing on figuring out who was singing which part until I calmed down. Then watched them build furniture from Ikea until I felt like I could breathe properly again.

Everyone always tells you to chase your dreams. I probably said it at one point too, but I think the concept of chasing dreams is slightly misleading. Following your dreams sounds a little off too. I’ve always believed that you chase your dreams, then catch them, and then life is complete, and you can be happy. Oneus achieved their dream, but they haven’t stopped though. They keep working at it every day, making new goals for themselves. As we work towards our goals, it can get more complicated, which I am learning to understand as I try to improve my blog. For Oneus, I believe that as it got harder, it also got more manageable. They’ve grown so much as a group and keep getting better. So maybe it isn’t getting any easier, but they keep getting better at it, and I think it’s more enjoyable for them. They finally got to participate in ISAC (K-pop Olympics), and they had really been looking forward to it. After almost 2 years, they’ve been able to perform again and see Tomoons worldwide, which I know was on the top of their to-do list during Covid. They also got their first music show win.

However, I think the biggest thing that I can’t understand about Oneus is when they lose. They act like they don’t care about losing, but I do, and so do the other Tomoons. After a tough loss, I finally snapped and asked another Tomoon, “Why the hell aren’t they furious right now?!” Someone said it was because they knew we worked hard for them even if we didn’t win. Oneus knew that Tomoons did their best, and that’s all that mattered to them. We aren’t even allowed to apologize to them when we lose! Because all they care about is that we did our best regardless of the result. Winning is just the strawberries on top of the cake for them (Tomoon will appreciate that metaphor).

It’s tough for me to wrap my head around that. As I said earlier, in my mind, there has always been success and failure. Until I’m succeeding, I’m failing, but success isn’t that simple. Perhaps I should focus on putting in the effort instead of obsessing over the result. Maybe I need to stop looking at my dreams as an end result. I enjoy having a blog, and that’s what I’m doing. Perhaps only 3 people read it, but I hope those 3 people enjoy each post. Because who cares if everyone reads it if it doesn’t mean anything to anyone? At that point, I’m just wasting my time.

Oneus said during the Black Mirror era that before they debuted, their CEO told them something that they were finally starting to understand. He said, “It’s good if you do good from the start, but you don’t need to be rushed. It’s good if you grow little by little.” It’s funny because all of them (Keonhee and Xion especially) talk about how they promise to get better and do better. Whenever they say that I’m like, “Dude, you guys are amazing. You don’t have to keep trying so hard.” But I think I get it now, and I also promise to keep improving my blog the best I can. I’m not saying I’m amazing, but there is always room for improvement.

I’ve always struggled with black and white thinking, but maybe I can learn to live in the grey area. Oneus only has one music show win so far. Still, even though they have already achieved their dreams of debuting in a successful group and getting a music show win, they aren’t stopping or slowing down. I’ve always focused too much on the end result. Maybe I can learn from Oneus. Maybe going step by step isn’t that bad. I said in the last post that I wasted a year of my life, but I didn’t. I’m going to get my driver’s license soon. I’m hoping to finally find a dentist next month. I gained some weight, but it definitely could have been worse. I’m improving with jumping in horseback riding class, and my teacher said I’ve improved greatly in the past 2 months.

The only reason the past year sucked is that I told myself it did. I actually did really good! My blog has come a LONG way in the past month too. I’ve been working hard editing all my past posts, adding photos, and improving SEO (Which was a nightmare and a half). Even if I’m doing good, I always want to be better, just like Oneus, but I am getting better. Maybe instead of constantly analyzing and trying to control every day of my life, I can try enjoying it. A line in one of Oneus’ songs says, “aren’t you looking forward to life?” (Bonus point if you knew that was from the Music Monday I did for their song Now). I’m not right now, but I want to look forward to life again. So just like Keonhee and Xion, I will do my best to show a better version of myself in the future.

Sincerely,
LIBD