be kind to yourself - Life Inspired By Dreams

100 Percent of Whatever Percent

Posted on October 14, 2025October 12, 2025 by LIBD

What a title, am I right? I can’t take full credit for this post. It’s about a conversation I had one afternoon when I stopped by church to talk to the pastor. I think he was about to leave when I got there, but then I made him listen to me complain for 10-20 minutes. I walked out with some solid advice though, so I called it a win.

I was talking about how people always tell me to be kind to myself, do my best, and so on. I really hope I haven’t been doing my best though. That would be incredibly disheartening. He told me he had once heard somewhere to give 100% of whatever percent you have. I’m hoping to write another series about depression soon, just to help readers who have never experienced it understand it better.

When you are depressed, your brain isn’t functioning at 100%; in fact, some days it may not even be functioning at 10%. On those days, it’s unrealistic to aim for 100 if you’ve only got 10, so on those days you got to aim for 100 percent of whatever you’ve still got.

When he explained it like that, I was like, “Oh, that’s what they meant”. Because I gather that’s what everyone had been trying to tell me all along. It’s like how I always say, you just have to do the best with what you know, and when you know better you can do better. You also have to do the best with what you have, and when you have more, you can do more.

So, if you only have 1% to get through the day, then just get through the day. One affirmation I like, but don’t say enough, is “my worth as a human being has nothing to do with what I do or don’t accomplish”. It’s so easy to say the words, though you know. It’s much harder to actually follow through. That just takes time.

I didn’t become my own worst enemy overnight, so it only makes sense that it will take time to be my own best friend. It’s hard though when the mean voice in my head is telling me bad things, even if I know they aren’t true. That was the other thing he told me. How to deal with the mean voice.

Apparently, there’s someone on TikTok I think he said, that referred to that voice as…. well, I call mine Regina (like from Mean Girls). One night I was crying about how I’m a failure then I stopped and said, “That’s not me. That’s not me that’s Regina being a bitch. Don’t let her bully you.” And it worked!

I’m a natural perfectionist which isn’t a great personality trait for someone who’s not perfect. I’m trying harder though. I’m trying to allow myself to “slack off” more when I’m tired or exhausted or just not feeling good. I’m trying to remember feeling like a failure doesn’t mean I am one; just means I’m human which is a perfectly acceptable personality trait for an imperfect person like me.

Thank you for reading. I know it was short and sweet, but I only had 30% to write this with, so you’re going to have to make do. What do you think? Is this something you struggle with as well? Let me know in the comments. I love hearing others’ perspectives on things. I’ll see you soon for my next Iceland post, but in the meantime, I hope you will allow yourself to be content with whatever percent you have to offer.

Sincerely,
LIBD

Killing myself… with kindness

Posted on August 8, 2023September 2, 2023 by LIBD

I’m a week late!!!!! I was doing so well keeping up with my posting schedule. With my new job I may have to aim for once a month for now. I finally found the inspiration to write something. It’s not long, but as I said in one of my previous posts… Anything is better than nothing.

I sometimes reach a level of frustration, which causes an automated response. It occasionally happened with customers that couldn’t make up their minds or were being difficult where I stared at them dead in the face and thought, “you make me wanna kill myself.” Me and my other coworker who suffered from depression joked about it a lot. It got worse with driving, though, I’ll be stuck behind some moron, and I’m in my car yelling, “Do you want me to kill myself?” I never mean it. It’s like yelling the F word; it’s the only thing that can express that level of anger and frustration. I’m not violent, and I feel bad breaking things, so hostile words and phrases are my only outlet, and it feels good to let it out. Could it be passive suicidal ideation? No, the thought of death terrifies me once more, so that’s a good sign. I’m just overly dramatic with my road rage.

I recently had an appt. with my psychiatrist, and we had the most unusual conversation. I was going on and on about everything I wasn’t doing. And she kept bringing up everything I was doing, and eventually, this is where the conversation went. I’ll put my words in italics;

I just don’t know what to do! I think you do know what to do. You know all the answers; you just don’t like them, but I think you know the right answer. But if I’m nice to myself, then I’m telling myself that having a messy room is okay, which I mean it is, but I feel like I’m allowing myself to be subpar. Erin, would you say any of this to a friend? Of course not I’d slap them silly if I knew they even thought any of this about themselves. Okay, so maybe you should extend that courtesy to yourself and give it a try. You have a lot to be proud of, so be kind to yourself and try to work on showering even if you can’t be bothered to wash your hair. That’s true. That’s why dry shampoo exists. Alright, I give the whole kindness thing a try. Clearly, shaming and criticizing myself isn’t working either.

So I tried it, and the first day was pleasant and very relaxing. I even picked up the trash without guilting myself into doing it. Today I washed the dishes. Tomorrow I’m hoping to shower and return an Amazon package to kohls. Today is going better than yesterday though. Yesterday around this time in the evening, it all went to shit. I started getting tense and anxious, pacing and thinking of everything I needed to do, and I tried thinking about everything I’d done and could be proud of. But all I could think was, I need to do this, I should do this, I need to do that, I shouldn’t have done this, I need to be perfect…

And I realized then how much of a problem I had. I woke up to a better-ish day today, but I would say both sides of my brain have reached an agreement. The mean side won’t keep hating if the nice side doesn’t start cheerleading. Considering how my first day ended, peaceful neutrality is a good place to start.When my brain starts going all perfectionist on me, it brings up the F word ‘you make me wanna kill myself’ anger, so I’ve decided to try to kill myself with kindness. After all, if there’s one thing I’ve learned from Roy Kent in Ted Lasso, it’s that there’s no bad feeling that can’t be overcome by cursing loudly and angrily. It’s weird though. It’s so dull when I’m not shaming and berating myself all day. I don’t know what to do with all this free time. I should have done laundry (see, there I go again. I didn’t even notice until I was editing), but if I’m this bored today, I’m sure I’ll have no problem staying busy tomorrow.

Sincerely,
LIBD

Beating the Game

Posted on May 22, 2023November 11, 2025 by LIBD

I was talking to a friend about how complicated life can sometimes be. She said she was trying to learn to enjoy the happy moments along the way. We talked about how difficult it can be to find the line between happiness and responsibility. If we ever figure it out, I promise to share it with you guys. There are all these responsibilities when you become an adult though. It’s like I have a to-do list that never really ends. More stuff just gets added on whenever I start checking things off.

It’s hard though. I think the feeling of wanting to solve all your problems and fix everything is a pretty common one. I was thinking about all of this. Trying not to take life so seriously, just enjoying it but still being responsible… Then something popped into my head. A few weeks ago, my brother fell off the face of the earth. No one could get him to answer the calls or texts. My parents were getting really worried, but he had texted me 5 days before about the new Harry Potter game he had started. My brother works a lot, so not answering every call or text isn’t unusual. However, after another week, even I started to get worried.

Finally, my mom threatened to have the cops come to check on him if he didn’t respond to someone, and a few hours later, I got a text saying he beat that whole game. It’s not surprising that he would get that invested in a game; I just didn’t know he was that passionate of a Harry Potter fan.

It’s rare for my brother to totally beat a game because most of his favorite games are open-ended. Like, he can get to the highest level, but even then the game doesn’t really end; there are always more things to do. I was kind of disappointed though. Did he even have time to enjoy the game and get into it, or was he just rushing through levels to beat it? That’s like skipping through an episode you can’t be bothered to watch so you can get the gist and be done with it.

I realized though I treat life the same way my brother treated that game. I know what needs to be done. I want to do it all, get it over with, so I can “beat the game.” I realized that’s where the line is between letting yourself be happy and staying responsible. Beating the game is the end goal for everyone; that’s why we play, but we can’t forget it’s a game.

An example of what I think is a responsible balance is this: I play Hogwarts mystery, and there’s a main storyline you follow along with side quests, in-game activities, and magizoology. Sometimes during the side quests and stuff, I’m so focused on finishing them to get back to the main story that I don’t know what it was about. I skip through the dialogues so I can move on and finish them. I think that’s what it’s like when we focus too hard on our responsibilities.

On the other hand, other times, I’ll get so caught up taking care of creatures and earning more books to unlock more creatures that I forget there’s an actual story to complete. I can’t spend all my time playing mini-games or trying to unlock new creatures. I’m not making any real progress whatsoever.

My brother has played a game called RuneScape since middle school. He’s at the highest level and has unlocked all these fancy, rare things that only the most elite players can get. Apparently, they keep adding levels to the game. Once they add another one, he’ll do whatever you do in that game to get to the next level. In between, he just messes around in the game doing random stuff while he waits for a new level. Ideally, that’s how I want to live my life. Keep up with responsibilities so I can truly enjoy all the perks. Do I ever think I will get there? I don’t know.

There’s a sense of loss I’ve found though, when you beat a game. That’s why I don’t like to hurry through games. It’s not just because I’m bad at them. Some games are challenging too. We used to have Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets on our Xbox, and there was one part I never ended up beating. I just couldn’t do it no matter how many times I tried. My brother beat it on his file or whatever they called different user accounts.

After he completed that, he later got stuck on the level with the spiders. I beat it for him. He again struggled with defeating the basilisk, enlisted my help again, and I beat that one too. I helped him win the whole game but was always stuck on that one level. I don’t think I ever asked him to help me, or maybe he couldn’t do it again.

I think at times, we get stuck. Trying to overcome this mountain of responsibility, we feel frustrated and give up. That’s the time it’s most important to remind yourself it’s just a game or it’s just life. It doesn’t have to be serious. If you are stuck, give yourself a break for a day. Be kind to yourself and enjoy the little things life has to offer. Then try again.

You may still be stuck like I am right now, and that’s okay. My problems will still be there tomorrow. Physically at this moment, I cannot do the things I need to do. I’m already in bed while writing this, so changing my sheets clearly isn’t going to happen. Financially I will pay off what I can this paycheck, and once I’ve done all that I could possibly do at this moment, I’m going to try to just be happy.

Should I clean my room? Yes. I know that. Lately, I’ve been tired and stressed about how I look because even though I haven’t gained much weight, I can’t stand to look at anything but my face in the mirror. The mess will still be there when I’m ready to clean it, but until that happens, I will take it 24 hours at a time.

If I do nothing, I hope to genuinely enjoy and appreciate that time. In the mindset app, I hear or read (I’m not sure which) “you are worthy of rest,” and honestly, still just reading it feels wrong, but you know what? I’m gonna make that my mantra, and I’m going to keep telling myself that until the day I actually believe it.

Problems and responsibilities are much easier to deal with when we are in a good place mentally. This brings me to another thing I’ve heard multiple times from the mood check-in AI “prioritize your mental health and well-being,” “be gentle with yourself,” “focus on your progress,” and all these things that I’m honestly not used to hearing.

When I think of responsibilities, I think of work, bills, independence, and a clean living space. However, I think our most significant responsibility should be to ourselves. We are humans with feelings, and I will try to add myself to my to-do list. I’m not a machine. I shouldn’t feel bad when I’m too overwhelmed to deal with life. I can enjoy doing nothing without feeling so ridiculously guilty and ashamed.

I hope this brought you comfort if you are struggling. Thank you for reading, and let’s all do our best to ensure we are responsible for ourselves. Maybe you already are, but if you are like me and are bad at it, I encourage you to keep those quotes in the back of your mind. Don’t forget I’m always cheering for you, and I hope you have a good week.

Sincerely,
LIBD

Who I am

Posted on April 14, 2023February 17, 2023 by LIBD

Many years ago, the day before my birthday, my dog (the first dog I ever had) got out and was hit by a car and had to be put down. Worst. Birthday. Ever. I was invited over to my friend’s house, and I didn’t want to go because why would I want to do anything, but her mom said they really needed my help, so I went. On the way there, the radio was on, and the song Happy by Pharrell Williams came on. I immediately changed the station because how dare they play that song on such a sad day. I got to my friends’ house and found out they needed my help settling in the horse I used to ride because she was ready to retire, and they were taking her in. Best. Worst Birthday. Ever.

Turned out to be a blessing and a curse. While I did get a horse to call my own for a while, it made my friend start feeling like I only wanted to visit to see the horse, which wasn’t true, but that was how she felt. I felt horrible that I made her feel that way. She seems to be doing very well in life, but I always knew she would. She was so much more confident than me. Not to mention she had a family that all liked each other. I loved spending time with her at her house. She had some cute chickens, and her mom was like a second mom to me. I’m just sad that I wasn’t better. At friendship, communication, life…. Everything.

Sometimes I wish I could apologize to everyone who ever met me before I turned 24. I’m so sorry you had to deal with me. I was a horrible human being, and I am deeply ashamed of my behavior. I was trying to be normal, and well…… I’m definitely not normal. And I tried WAY too hard too. I wanted people to like me, and I was afraid if I was genuine and authentic, people wouldn’t like me, and they probably wouldn’t, but still. I’m sorry I was so annoying, weird, sulky, self-centered, undisciplined, dishonest, obnoxious, fake, and a total and utter pig. I ate so much looking back. It’s disgusting. There’s a song called “who I am hates who I’ve been,” and I think about that song a lot. There’s one line that says:

'Cause I don't want you to know, where I am
'Cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been

I hated who I was and didn’t want everyone else to hate me, too, but I probably made them dislike me anyway by trying so hard. There’s another part of the song though, that goes:

Who I am hates who I've been
'Cause who I've been only ever made me
… So sorry for the person I became
So sorry that it took so long for me to change
I'm ready to be sure to become that way again
'Cause who I am hates who I've been
Who I am hates who I've been

Everything I disliked about my life helped make me the person I am today, and I’m grateful for that. I still can’t help but feel embarrassed by having everyone around me watching me fail at life. I tried so hard to be liked and accepted, and my mental health suffered because of that. Ultimately, all I did was bring shame and embarrassment to all those chapters of my life. Once I finally got out of the hospital, came to terms with, and started to understand my feelings, I moved on to my life. It wasn’t just good enough to get better; I had to be the best, or at least that’s what I told myself. If I thought my time at the hospital was tough. Outpatient therapy was a cakewalk compared to trying to get my life in order. I kept making steps though, slow progress but progress no less. But I still wasn’t happy. Until this year.

I didn’t realize what had changed until today: February 8th. I was typing my daily reflection in the mindset app about “what do you owe yourself?” This was my response: I think I owe it to myself to keep getting better and be happy. I always feel like I need to earn happiness. Like, if my room isn’t clean or I get behind with payments, then I don’t deserve to be happy. Or if I’m not eating healthy enough, I shouldn’t be happy. I didn’t realize how ridiculous that sounds until I typed it out, so I hope this year is different and I can be happy no matter what is going on.

I always knew that it was unhealthy to always expect more of myself no matter how much I accomplished, but that was what changed this year. If people don’t like me, who cares. Don’t like me then. If my room isn’t clean, oh well. It’s annoying, but who cares? The only difference between a messy and a clean room is its appearance. This year I finally allowed myself to be happy. Should I clean my room? Most definitely, but I don’t feel like it, and it’s not hurting anything. I’m not only letting myself be happy; I’m letting myself be me. It’s so much easier and less stressful being myself. I can never take back how I acted or what I did, but I can move forward and be better.

I wish I could do it all over again being the person I am now. I am liked by my friends, so who cares about everyone else. That was the worst part. Going into college, I had no friends. Then I tried too hard and annoyed everyone, and a lot of them didn’t keep in touch, and I thought they all hated me. Maybe some of them do, but the truth is some people I get along with really well. We don’t really click as friends, which doesn’t mean I don’t like them, or they don’t like me. It just means we aren’t going to be besties. True friends like you because of your quirks and personality, not despite them. I realize now I can’t hold on to the guilt and shame forever. I may never be able to unfeel it, but I’m allowed to be happy with myself and my life. Not happy about those parts, but they got me to where I am today and made me a better person, and better me should feel happy. She’s come a long way, learned from her mistakes and grown from them. Not only is happiness allowed, but it’s been earned. Who I am hates who I’ve been, but that doesn’t matter because that past version of me is not who I am.

Who I was, was bitter, angry, sad, confused, and dishonest. Who I am is learning to forgive and not hold grudges so strongly because I’ve messed up too, so it’s only fair if I extend them the same grace and kindness. Who I am is trying to deal with anger more effectively, trying to understand where it’s coming from and dealing with it instead of lashing out at others. Who I am is happy. Who I am is trying to figure things out but acknowledging some things can only be learned by messing up and making mistakes. Who I am is being open and honest with myself and about myself and holding myself accountable for my words and actions. Learning that just because you have a good excuse doesn’t always make what you did okay.

Thank you so much for reading. Don’t forget to click like and leave a comment to let me know what you think. Make sure you subscribe too so you don’t miss out on future posts. I hope you are doing well, and don’t forget to I’m always cheering for you!

Sincerely,
LIBD