Hey guys, how are you? I am not doing great. Every little thing feels like climbing a mountain, and it’s exhausting. I’m not writing just to complain though. Also, I promise if you keep reading, the title will make sense. I recently thought about getting another tattoo. I want to, but they are so permanent it can’t be just anything. Then I looked at my current tattoo, and I thought, “Well, that one didn’t work, why get another?”
For those of you who don’t know, my tattoo is all blue, and it’s a girl standing in the rain under an umbrella with the word incomplete above it. It’s a tribute to 2 songs I like; She’s in the Rain by The Rose and Incomplete by Oneus. I feel like I’m in the rain a lot, and Incomplete is all about how it’s okay to not have life figured out because it’s my path and my journey, and it’s not supposed to look like anyone else’s. I spend so much time racing towards a finish line that doesn’t exist.
I asked ChatGPT about it to see if it could give me any ideas for another tattoo. But instead of a new design, the conversation ended up just being about my current tattoo. It helped me realize something, and it turns out the tattoo did work after all. I said if the Erin who got the tattoo saw me now she’d say “What the hell bro! Why’d I get a tattoo if you’re going to just stay up late at night feeling like shit! Did you forget how much that cost?”
ChatGPT compared it to a compass. Compasses don’t stop people from wandering; they help guide them, so they don’t get lost. It said the me that got the tattoo got it because she knew I would feel like this, but now I have a reminder of what to do.
I look at my tattoo and think, “It’s okay,” then I look at my life and say, “Is it though?” Then I look at my tattoo again and say, “Maybe it’s not. But that’s okay too.” Which brings me to my next tattoo. I want it to say “in the middle they’ll be days like this” as a tribute to The Middle by Jimmy Eat World and Days Like This by Dermot Kennedy. I just don’t know what the graphic would be.
The one I have now is kind of a copy. There’s a bass player in Korea with a very similar one. I saw it, and I was like “that’s it, that’s the one,” but I didn’t want an exact replica because it wasn’t designed for me, so with the help of a tattoo artist I changed it from a dude to a girl, gave her a ponytail, some rainboots, added the word incomplete, and the rest is history.
And I don’t regret it. I may not be great at always remembering and holding onto the meaning, but I can’t imagine my arm without it. Because I know my life doesn’t have to be perfect, but I wish it looked better than it does. Lately I’ve been thinking about the song The Middle, and it reminded me of days like this. The middle is messy, and there are going to be bad days, but there will be good days too.
Days like the other day when I left my cold groceries out on the floor while I went to my other job and had to throw it all away. But also days like today. I got to see Ateez at the movie theater with my friend, and then we went and got lunch.
There will be days when I feel like all I do is work, and I cry because I feel like I can’t catch a break. There will also be a day when I am driving to Chicago with my friend for a long weekend getaway. There will also be a day when I step off a plane and have officially landed in Iceland. I don’t know when that day will be, but I know I’m going to make it happen.
I just worry I won’t be able to come up with a tattoo that makes me feel like “Yes. That’s it.” And how can I get something like a tattoo without that feeling? So maybe it’s not meant to be, but I think I would like another one if I could find the perfect design. Until then it’s refreshing to know that the one I have is working just fine.
I know it was mostly just rambling, but if you made it to the end, thank you for reading. I know it’s been a while since my last post, but I haven’t felt like I’ve had anything worth saying. Well, I did write something. Maybe I’ll post it soon. Until next time…
Sincerely,
LIBD
