Hey y’all. How’s it going? I’m a little bummed out right now. You know when Ravn had to leave Oneus? Something similar happened again recently. I feel like I might be cursed after all. Although it seemed silly to be devastated when Ravn left. If I was heartbroken, then I can’t imagine how he felt. Oneus meant a lot to me, and so do these people. I know however I’m feeling, it’s even worse for them.
At least I’ll still get to see them. I told them no one can get rid of me that easily. We didn’t see or hear from Raven for almost a year, and I think that made it worse because we didn’t even know if he was okay.
Is it wrong to be mad on behalf of another person? It’s not my problem, but it still affects me. There are lots of things in life like that. I saw a movie once that had this quote. I think it was called Herold and the Purple Crayon or something? The quote was something life, “Life isn’t something that just happens to you. It’s something you create”. I often feel like it’s just happening to me. Have you ever felt like that?
It’s easy to feel like God (or the universe) must hate me. Like, I can’t catch a break. But this situation made me realize something. It was the same thing that happened with Oneus. Tomoon weren’t the ones who got the short end of the stick. Ravn is the one who got screwed over. We were just collateral damage. We were the second-hand hurt that was the result of someone else’s misfortune. It’s like deja vu.
Ultimately, God (or the universe) isn’t going to ruin someone else’s life to punish me. He would come straight for me, and there wouldn’t be a shadow of a doubt about who was responsible for my misfortune. It would be personal – but that’s another thing I’ve realized. Oftentimes, things that I thought were God hating me or not caring were really just him helping me dodge a bullet. A not-so-gentle shove in a direction I didn’t know I was supposed to go.
Which brings me again to my main point. So, let’s talk about coping with collateral damage and how deal with the hurt that comes along with it. The answer is pretty simple. You have to find a way to make peace. Once you’ve cried it out, once you are done being angry, you have to make peace. Because no matter how hurt you are, it’s not personal. That doesn’t make it easy, but it’s something to work towards.
No matter how bad it sucks, you have the power to write the ending. The ending I wrote for Ravn is that I’m happy he’s happy, and they never told us whether or not the rumors were true, but he wouldn’t have been picked up by a subsidiary of RBW if the accusations were true. He’s making music, he found his happy ending, and that’s enough for me to try to let it go.
Anger may feel good, but it doesn’t heal. Acceptance and peace are what heal you, so I hope that whatever is going on in your life, you will write a happy ending. Once you are done being sad, choose peace. Thank you for reading this. Let me know your thoughts. Have you ever felt like collateral damage? Were you able to make peace with it? I would love to hear about it in the comments.
Life is hard, and sometimes it does feel like everything is against you. It’s a valid feeling; don’t ever think you are wrong for having feelings. They are something we can’t control; we just have to acknowledge and work through them. It’s not something that happens overnight, and the timeline is different for everyone.
I just wanted to throw that out there because it sounds so simple, but it’s anything but. I hope you are doing well. Till next time…
Hey guys. It’s been a long day, but I promised every other week, so here it is. I’m too tired for chit-chat today, so let’s get right into it. You are probably familiar with a song called As It Was by Harry Stiles. If you aren’t familiar with it, let me refresh your memory…
In this world, it’s just us You know it’s not the same as it was In this world, it’s just us You know it’s not the same as it was As it was, as it was You know it’s not the same
Today’s reflection on Mindset was “What have you lost interest in lately.” Honestly, it was hard to put my finger on it. Surely I haven’t lost interest in life, but what is it specifically. TV? Not really. I do enjoy watching a good tv series or movie. Horses? Nah, I may be allergic, which might put a damper on it, but I love it all the same. Work? No, if anything, I want more hours. But something was off. Then it hit me. K-pop. It’s practically just a tiny corner of my mind these days. Which means all the leftover space is filled with nothingness.
You’re probably sick of hearing me talk about Oneus, and honestly, I was struggling before the rumors about Ravn started. Oh, by the way, he’s started posting again on youtube and stuff and seems to be hanging in there, so I’m glad to hear that. My favorite thing about K-pop and Oneus specifically was that they brought so much brightness into my life. Oneus and us Tomoons were a big, mostly happy family. Sharing memes and watching the hilarious content they would post on youtube. I could wake up on a shitty morning and say, “I’m gonna make it through this day for Oneus. I’m going to make them proud”. They don’t even know I exist, but it meant something to me.
Waking up at 5 in the morning to vote or watch music shows to see if they would win…. I hated it as much as I loved it. Helping out with voting and streaming drove me crazy some days, but I didn’t want it any other way. Oneus had helped me so much mentally and learning to be okay with my own life that early mornings, all day streaming, and routine voting were the least I could do to give them back everything they had given to me. Then we did, and it was the best feeling in the world. Oneus and Tomoons proved ourselves as a force to be reckoned with, and I was so excited to see what their tour and opportunities in the new year would lead them.
Then, overnight, one fake made account and a rumor were all it took to bring it all crumbling down. It was really hard for me. Watching the fans fight with each other, seeing the awful things they said about Ravn, and then they took his name out of the fan chant, and that’s when I think the fire died. I wanted to fix it, so I tried hard to support the remaining members and silently support Ravn, but there was so much hate, and people were so cruel. The magical world of Tomoon just slowly crumbled until there wasn’t much left.
I’m happy to know Ravn’s okay, but I don’t want him to just be okay; I want him back. I want everything to go back to the way it was when my life was bright and exciting. The hardest thing about being a kpop fan is that all you are is a fan. I’ll never know how they really feel about fans after everything that happened. We’ll never know if their words are true or just what they are contractually obligated to say. More than feeling sorry for myself, I feel sorry for them.
Not just Ravn, but all of them. Because above all, kpop is simply business, and the part of their lives that we see is them working. And you know what I say about working… You not getting paid to be happy; you’re getting paid to do a job with a smile on your face and bitch about it in your own private time. They meant so much to me, and they still do, but I just feel devastated whenever I think of them. Because it will never be the same as it was. And if he goes solo, is that his choice? If I join the group again, does he want to?? After everything Tomoons did. They made me so happy, and I want the same for them. Like with most jobs, I’m sure they knew what they were signing up for, but so do people in the veterinary field, and it has one of the highest suicide rates of almost any career.
Even at Subway, I know people are going to be rude or bitchy sometimes, but that doesn’t make it any easier to have them standing there loudly complaining about things to my face. There’s talk of them having a new comeback soon. I don’t think I’ll get up at 6 to watch the music video as soon as it’s released; I don’t think I’ll have alarms set to make sure I vote in all the right apps at the right time. I don’t know if I’ll wake up early to watch music shows live. Seeing them win was so exciting because it made me feel a part of something.
I don’t think the issue was that I lost interest in K-pop or Oneus. It’s just that what I loved so much and what brought me so much joy doesn’t exist anymore, and I’m trying to settle for what’s left, but it’s just not the same as it was. It’s heartbreaking. Sorry, this was so depressing, but it’s how I feel, and maybe I’m silly or immature, but I lost something that was precious to me. It may not mean anything to you, but it meant a lot to me, so I’m allowed to be sad.
In the article Oneus: The Concept Kings Reign in London, the author asks Oneus what messages they would want to give fans inspired to follow in their footsteps. This was the answer they gave:
“If you [only] keep your dreams as a dream in life, you cannot actually achieve anything. But we went for it”
-Hwanwoong (Oneus)
When I first read this, I wanted to say, “It’s easy for you to say Woongie; you’re already there!” Then I read the quote over again and realized I was wrong. It probably was easy to say, but the journey that led them to the interview where he said it was most likely anything but. They gave everything they had to get where they are today. This is why as much as I would like to be angry about his statement, I can’t.
If you’ve read my blog before, you know I have a rocky relationship with myself. I struggle with being a perfectionist and setting impossibly high standards for myself. Then when I don’t reach those standards, I become disappointed with myself for being a failure. It’s something I’m still working on. It’s not easy trying to follow my dreams when there’s no way to be sure my hard work pays off. It’s so much work for something that isn’t guaranteed. Many trainees at K-pop companies don’t debut, and their hard work amounts to nothing. Well, not nothing. Sometimes they become back up dancers or something like that. Even so, that’s a terrifying thought for me. That you could put in so much effort and have it not turn out the way you want.
I’m sure it wasn’t always easy for Oneus. We only see what they let us see, and only know what they tell us, but perhaps they had days when they felt discouraged. Or felt like their hard work wasn’t paying off like they were hoping. Luckily, they have Tomoons to love and support them every day. Xion always talks about how we give them strength and encouragement to keep going. Perhaps they are too busy to contemplate life as much as I do. As I said, I only know what they tell us, so these are my assumptions. I’ve written about it before, but Xion once said he hopes that when we think of them, we feel encouraged just like we make them feel. Fear not Xion, we do. On days when I don’t want to work, I think about how hard they work. I’m sure they have days they don’t want to work, but they do it anyway and give it their best, so I will too. The other night I had the worst panic attack I’d had in a while. I listened to their music, focusing on figuring out who was singing which part until I calmed down. Then watched them build furniture from Ikea until I felt like I could breathe properly again.
Everyone always tells you to chase your dreams. I probably said it at one point too, but I think the concept of chasing dreams is slightly misleading. Following your dreams sounds a little off too. I’ve always believed that you chase your dreams, then catch them, and then life is complete, and you can be happy. Oneus achieved their dream, but they haven’t stopped though. They keep working at it every day, making new goals for themselves. As we work towards our goals, it can get more complicated, which I am learning to understand as I try to improve my blog. For Oneus, I believe that as it got harder, it also got more manageable. They’ve grown so much as a group and keep getting better. So maybe it isn’t getting any easier, but they keep getting better at it, and I think it’s more enjoyable for them. They finally got to participate in ISAC (K-pop Olympics), and they had really been looking forward to it. After almost 2 years, they’ve been able to perform again and see Tomoons worldwide, which I know was on the top of their to-do list during Covid. They also got their first music show win.
However, I think the biggest thing that I can’t understand about Oneus is when they lose. They act like they don’t care about losing, but I do, and so do the other Tomoons. After a tough loss, I finally snapped and asked another Tomoon, “Why the hell aren’t they furious right now?!” Someone said it was because they knew we worked hard for them even if we didn’t win. Oneus knew that Tomoons did their best, and that’s all that mattered to them. We aren’t even allowed to apologize to them when we lose! Because all they care about is that we did our best regardless of the result. Winning is just the strawberries on top of the cake for them (Tomoon will appreciate that metaphor).
It’s tough for me to wrap my head around that. As I said earlier, in my mind, there has always been success and failure. Until I’m succeeding, I’m failing, but success isn’t that simple. Perhaps I should focus on putting in the effort instead of obsessing over the result. Maybe I need to stop looking at my dreams as an end result. I enjoy having a blog, and that’s what I’m doing. Perhaps only 3 people read it, but I hope those 3 people enjoy each post. Because who cares if everyone reads it if it doesn’t mean anything to anyone? At that point, I’m just wasting my time.
Oneus said during the Black Mirror era that before they debuted, their CEO told them something that they were finally starting to understand. He said, “It’s good if you do good from the start, but you don’t need to be rushed. It’s good if you grow little by little.” It’s funny because all of them (Keonhee and Xion especially) talk about how they promise to get better and do better. Whenever they say that I’m like, “Dude, you guys are amazing. You don’t have to keep trying so hard.” But I think I get it now, and I also promise to keep improving my blog the best I can. I’m not saying I’m amazing, but there is always room for improvement.
I’ve always struggled with black and white thinking, but maybe I can learn to live in the grey area. Oneus only has one music show win so far. Still, even though they have already achieved their dreams of debuting in a successful group and getting a music show win, they aren’t stopping or slowing down. I’ve always focused too much on the end result. Maybe I can learn from Oneus. Maybe going step by step isn’t that bad. I said in the last post that I wasted a year of my life, but I didn’t. I’m going to get my driver’s license soon. I’m hoping to finally find a dentist next month. I gained some weight, but it definitely could have been worse. I’m improving with jumping in horseback riding class, and my teacher said I’ve improved greatly in the past 2 months.
The only reason the past year sucked is that I told myself it did. I actually did really good! My blog has come a LONG way in the past month too. I’ve been working hard editing all my past posts, adding photos, and improving SEO (Which was a nightmare and a half). Even if I’m doing good, I always want to be better, just like Oneus, but I am getting better. Maybe instead of constantly analyzing and trying to control every day of my life, I can try enjoying it. A line in one of Oneus’ songs says, “aren’t you looking forward to life?” (Bonus point if you knew that was from the Music Monday I did for their song Now). I’m not right now, but I want to look forward to life again. So just like Keonhee and Xion, I will do my best to show a better version of myself in the future.
Hey guys!!!! Welcome to this #MusicMonday! I wrote this 2 weeks ago to go with my Living as Me series, but I already promised everyone their other song Now, so I’ve been saving this one for today. I love this song so much. Funny story: I listened to this song once when the album first came out and ignored it. I didn’t look up the lyrics, so I just heard the phrase, “my life is incomplete,” and assumed it was one of those cheesy breakup songs where someone dumps you, and your life is now incomplete. Those songs make me mad because you can live your life just fine being single. Yeah, I know. Anyway, everyone kept saying how much they loved this song and the lyrics, and finally, I was like, “Alright, let’s see what all the fuss is about.” Now it’s my favorite song from this album and probably of all time. Never judge a kpop song by its English lyrics.
I just look ahead and try to run
Stop doing meaningless things
I need to focus on what’s ahead and what I can do today to make tomorrow better. From here on out, it’s all about living the best life possible. I will learn how to appreciate my life, however simple and uneventful it may be. I’ve never liked being busy. I don’t know why I spent so long trying to make my life meaningful by other people’s standards. It’s my life and my journey, and my responsibility.
I don’t know if I’m halfway yet
But I’ll prove it, my life
I can’t even measure the time that’s passed
I like to think I’m halfway to my life being complete, but who knows? Not me, lol. I’m going to make my life something I can be proud of. I know I still have a long way to go, but I will make sure to do what I want from now on. It doesn’t matter what’s happened in the past. All that matters is now I have a happier future to look forward to. I need to prove that I can make my own choices for my own life. I can’t waste any more time.
“You can’t stop’
“You must not fall behind others”
“You always have to overcome”
Stop saying the stereotypical words
I wanna go my own way
Sometimes it’s okay to stop and take a break. Sometimes it’s okay to fall behind. I don’t know if you are familiar with a horse named Secretariat. Still, he is one of my two favorite racehorses. The other one (Ruffian) never knew what second place was. I don’t think she even knew it was a thing. She was famous for leading races from start to finish. Secretariat was different. He often liked to hang back, wait for the perfect moment to charge ahead and leave all the other horses behind in the dust to take the victory for himself. I admire Ruffian for her effortless-looking wins, but I admire Secretariat even more for his perseverance. He didn’t care if he wasn’t first the entire time. He knew he was gonna win in the end. Everybody is different. Some people might seem to have everything figured out by the time they turn 20. Others, like myself, may still be trying to figure it out when they are 26. It doesn’t mean either of us is a failure; we can’t all be Ruffians. Some of us are more like Secretariat. It’s not over till it’s over, so we shouldn’t give up just because we aren’t in the lead.
An endless running start
Now I’m standing at the starting line
I don’t care if I’m starting a little later than the others
It doesn’t matter if I start a little later than everyone else. We all just want to be happy and proud of who we are and what we do. I’m only 26. It’s not like my life is almost over, so I shouldn’t act like it is. Now that I’ve learned to live as myself, I look forward to seeing where that life takes me.
My life is incomplete, imperfect emotion
I'm twisted like a cretan maze
Destined to be completed somehow
I love this saying, “I’m twisted like a Cretan maze.” I looked it up, and a Cretan maze is an ancient maze design from Crete. It’s usually square or circular and very elaborate. Still, unlike most mazes you would think of, there is only 1 path, and it leads all the way to the center. It takes forever because the path is so long, but inevitably you will reach the end. I love it because it sounds a lot like life! It can be intimidating and scary sometimes, and you might think every now in then that the maze will go on forever, but eventually, you will make it to where you are going. I’m not lost because there is only one way forward; if I just keep going, I will make it to the end.
It’s okay if it’s not perfect
My life is incomplete yeah
It’s okay if it's not perfect
I, I, I Fly, fly away
I, I, I Fly, fly away
My life is incomplete yeah
It’s okay even if it's not perfect
I can’t get so focused on the destination that I forget to enjoy the journey, though. I used to think that once I got my license, a car, my own house, and a boyfriend/husband, THEN I would be happy, but I can be happy right now. My life is incomplete, but that doesn’t mean it’s any less valuable. Like Oneus says, It’s okay even if it’s not perfect. I can still enjoy it and be happy even if I don’t have it all together yet.
I'm a being legend, level up, do better (better)
There’s no giving up, drop the anchor here
I don’t need navigation
I ran like crazy with you to catch my dream
Navigation is useless because this path is my own. No one can tell me where to go because everyone’s life is different, so there are no maps. We are all just figuring it out as we go along. Again, some people are WAY better at it than others, but it’s not a competition because we are not competing for the same thing. We all have goals and dreams; if we want something, we need to go get it.
Don’t stop running even if you fall
Keep climbing
You have to overcome the weight of the crown
Can’t you just buy a lighter crown??? I’m kidding; I’m sorry. What is the old saying? “Heavy is the head that wears the crown” or something like that? If you want to be the King, you better start with neck exercises? In all seriousness, though, this is also important. I’m full of confidence and determination now, but I’m sure I’ll still have my days when I’m tired and don’t feel like running, but even if I need a tiny break, I mustn’t give up. Because I will too, that’s totally a me thing to do. I just have to remember to keep moving forward, and as long as I do that then, one day, my life will be complete
Sweep it away if you get hurt
endure it, and repeat however many times
Looking at it
With one step we can run
and I can fly again
I’m sure there will still be obstacles; there always are. It’s so annoying. Why can’t it just be easy?? No matter how many times I stumble and fall, I’ll just keep going, just like I always have.
[Insert Pre-chorus and Chorus]
I just look ahead and try to run
Stop doing meaningless things, yeah
One step, two steps, keep going and don’t stop
I’ll get there in the end, yeah
I remember this super old kids’ movie I watched every Christmas when I was young, and there’s this one scene where they are teaching….. I don’t know if it was an abominable snowman or something……. but they sing this song that goes, “put one foot in front of the other, and soon you’ll be walking out the door.” I just gotta take it one step at a time, one day at a time. I did one of those Cretan mazes the other day when I was reading about them, and I swear it wasn’t even a big maze, but since it was all one path, it took forever to get to the center!!!!!! Don’t be in a hurry, though. Remember you don’t have to wait till you get there to be happy. It’s a long road. We might as well do some sightseeing along the way to make it worthwhile.
Even if I can’t see the end
Just brush it off and get back up
Ah yes, that famous saying from Meet the Robinson’s “keep moving forward.” Life is tough, but so are we. My life is worth fighting for, and so is yours. I have 2 main things to knock off of my to-do list. I had a panic attack about it yesterday. I’m a grown adult who cried for like 20 whole minutes about making phone calls and going to the dentist. I was so ashamed. Thankfully my mom said she would help me. I can’t see the end, but I’m not going to worry about that right now. I’m going to enjoy my weekend off and look forward to hopefully buying a new phone tomorrow. I’m really gonna miss playing the “why isn’t my phone working today” game. Edit note: My weekend off was terrific, and I love my new phone. It’s not the newest one because I would never pay that much for a phone. It’s the 11, and it’s a bit bigger, but my tiny hands are slowly getting used to it. It works, and I don’t have to charge it every 5 minutes, so I am very happy.
I’ve been running breathlessly
I overcame failure like this and succeeded again
I just have to go my own way and enjoy it
I’m twisted like a Cretan maze
Honestly, it’s stressful making appts with new doctors, finding a new dentist, and my dog’s latest vet bill for her yearly checkup…… It’s a lot. Then, after all, this is done, I can move on to finding a new neuromuscular doctor and getting my license. I feel like it will never end, but I know if I keep working hard, I will eventually reach the center of the maze. I love Cretan mazes because there’s only 1 way, and it’s the right way, so you never have to worry about going the wrong way. However, they are such a hassle because the square doesn’t look big, but it takes forever because you have to go everywhere else before you can get to the end. It doesn’t look like it should be that long, but it is. That’s how my life feels sometimes.
It’s okay if it’s not perfect
My life is incomplete yeah
It’s okay if it's not perfect
I, I, I Fly, fly away
I, I, I Fly, fly away
My life is incomplete, but that’s okay. I’m not in a hurry and have plenty of time. My life is incomplete, but that’s okay. I’m not in a hurry and have plenty of time. I also plan to focus more on the journey than the destination. Like today I enjoyed the beautiful weather. I found out my earth and moon fan meeting merch should be shipped this week. Editing Note: I got it. It was AWESOME! The pictures were adorable, and the keychain was so pretty. It will be a nice reward for the essential but terrifying phone calls I need to make to schedule the appointments, even though I don’t like going to the doctor. That’s not till Monday or Tuesday, so I’m going to enjoy the weekend. I’ll watch a k-drama, play some Pokémon Go, and appreciate the little things every day instead of worrying about what’s next. I’ll deal with tomorrow when it gets here.
My life is incomplete yeah
It’s okay even if it's not perfect
It’s okay if my life isn’t perfect. I’ll get there when I get there, and until then, I’ll enjoy my life exactly how it is right now. My dog, my friends, Kpop, riding horses, and of course, my sacred me-time. This song made me realize that not having my life together isn’t bad. It may be incomplete, but that doesn’t mean anything is wrong with it. Isn’t life’s purpose? To keep striving to do better and grow more? If our lives were complete, there would be no point to them. Also, who knows how long that will take? That’s why I’m glad I’ve learned to be happy with the person I am right now. It’s okay, even if it’s not perfect.
Finally, a #MusicMonday for a Oneus song!!!!!!! I’m very excited, in case you couldn’t tell by the 7-8 exclamation marks. Welcome to the 3rd and final part of the Living as Me series! After this, all that’s left is the outro, and then it’s all over. Sad face. After realizing that I don’t need to worry about everyone else’s opinion, this song has a whole new meaning for me, and I wanted to share it with you all, so let’s get to it! Also, I don’t know where this translation comes from, but I always just look for the ones that make the most sense.
Hey, you’ve got something special Babe, just be real, not fake Take care and love yourself We are all the same
We are all special and unique. I am my own person, and that person also just so happens to be pretty awesome. I like who I am. I’m genuine, honest, and have a fabulous sense of style. Sometimes it gets me in trouble, though. I recently got punched when I told my friend that the shirt she was trying on looked a lot like this shirt my grandma wears. It wasn’t awful, but my grandma does have a shirt that looked a lot like it!! She told me she wanted my honest opinion; she should have known better than to ask my honest opinion about clothes. I’ve also been losing weight again (slowly but surely), and I think I look pretty amazing. We are all amazing. Each of us has our own charming point. We all have that me-ness about us that makes us who we are. No one else can be you. I can’t imagine someone else trying to be me; they would be awful at it. Just like no one else can be you as good as you can.
Feel the moment Forget about the things That are far away, alright Look at the night sky Countless stars and moonlight Shining on us
Today I’m not going to think about yesterday or worry about tomorrow. I’ve got all day tomorrow to worry about tomorrow. Right now, I’m enjoying the song Camellia by Jukjae and Hyuk. It’s calming and relaxing, and I’m enjoying every second of their beautiful voices while I write this. What I miss most about my college is how well you could see the stars. Whenever I was stressed, I looked at the stars to find the only 3 constellations I knew: Cassiopeia, Orion’s belt, and the big or little dipper. For some reason, I could never find them both. They were always there. Even now that I’m back home and can’t see them as well, I know they are up there shining as brightly as ever. I like to think about stars; it probably has something to do with my obsession with shiny things or things that light up. Now I know why I love light sticks so much, and Oneus’s has glitter on the outside of theirs that looks like stars.
Right now, don’t worry
Everything else will pass, let it go
We are young now
We got right now
Yeah, let’s get loud
I’m not going to be young and pretty forever (I can hear my friends laughing as they read this comment, stop it, you know I’m as shallow as a kiddie pool!). I have to make sure I enjoy every single minute. I’m a bit behind, so I’ve got a lot to make up for. I wasted so much time thinking I could finally be happy as soon as I got my life together. Honestly though, having your life together is overrated. Also, I don’t want to wait that long. I’m just going to enjoy today, like this morning when I got to listen to what I like to call Ravn Radio (It was a v-live) while I got ready for work. He played many good songs, including What Makes You Beautiful by One Direction and I am the Best by 2NE1. It totally made my day!
At this moment (now)
It won’t come again (now)
Oh can you feel it right now
Oh can you feel it right now
Oh I can feel it right now
Every second, is a second I’m not going to get back, and I’m not going to have later. I want to enjoy life while I can still enjoy it, and I don’t need anyone else’s permission to be happy. I don’t know why I thought I did; sometimes, I’m a moron. It happens to the best of us. My grandpa has muscular dystrophy, too, and while the kind he has is worse than mine, he’s been in a wheelchair for most of my memory. I used to be so terrified that I would end up like that too and won’t be able to ride horses or do other fun stuff I like to do anymore. However, if I stay active and keep up with the exercises my physical therapist gave me, that day will be a long way away.
Right now, I can ride horses and run around the yard playing with my dog, and I’m going to enjoy every second of it. I’m going to enjoy everything I can do rather than be bitter about everything I can’t do. I promise from this moment forward to never say that muscular dystrophy is ruining my life ever again………… out loud. I’ll keep it to myself because I’m not going to pretend that’s not the reason I quit show jumping. My doctors are all like, “it’s dangerous you could get hurt,” so maybe they were right. However, I was only on crutches for like a month, and I didn’t even actually break anything; I just bruised a muscle (yeah, that’s actually a thing). So, all my friends moved up a level, and I didn’t want to be in a class with strangers, so I went back to barrel racing and contesting. That was a totally unnecessary story. Sorry, I killed the vibe, didn’t I?
Already a lot of customs, many similar things
It’s an overwhelming game
Oh when I was come here that (See note 1 in next paragraph)
Ah peace
The future is boom boom, mori (See note 2 in next paragraph)
Note 1: My only guess is possibly he used English words with Korean sentence structure, in which case it could be ‘that’s how it was when I came here (I could be wrong, though. I didn’t write the song; I’m just trying to help my readers out) Note 2: Mori is a reference to the phrase memento mori, which in Latin roughly translates to “remember death is inevitable.” (I know, right?!) I always used to joke, saying if the world ended tomorrow, I would be bummed if I didn’t eat cake today, but somehow the message got lost over time. If the world had ended a month ago, I would’ve been pissed that I didn’t actually enjoy my life. I don’t want to worry about that anymore. If the world ends tomorrow, that’s fine because I already bought 2 more Oneus albums for my collection. All my friends do it with their favorite groups. You got to have 1 of every version of every album if you want to be a true collector (or so I was told). I’m never going to worry about regretting that I didn’t buy it because I did. And that Snuper poster I was supposed to get a year or 2 ago, but they gave me a Wanna One poster…. Now I’ve finally got a Snuper poster, and I’m so happy. It’s just a poster, but it makes me happy! Not a lot of things make me happy.
Look at me, I’m starting a little late But I won’t give up, never give up Don’t worry, keep running, early What a person says is what they are going to be
I am a little late, but better late than never, right!? 4 years ago, I was in the hospital bummed out that I wasn’t dead, and now I’m genuinely happy that I’m alive!!! I never thought that would be a thing! When I’m sad, I’ll watch a K-pop compilation of Oneus being funny, or one of JBJ95’s silly dance practices, or play with my dog (She has a squeaky toy obsession), and I just can’t not smile! It reminds me of that quote by Dumbledore in Harry Potter, “Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”
Follow the feeling There are many opportunities to come Aren’t you looking forward to your life
If you had asked me a year ago if I was looking forward to my life, I would have laughed in your face……… Excessively…………. Even now, it feels weird to think I am actually looking forward to life. Part of my brain is still like, “What the heck is wrong with you,” and the other part is like, “who cares, just roll with it.” So, I’m rolling with it, and it’s kind of nice, actually. If you haven’t tried looking forward to life yet, I highly recommend it. It could go down the titanic, but you know, while it’s going down like the titanic, I will be enjoying horseback riding lessons, K-pop, and cuddles with my dog. As well as the Tomoon 2nd gen membership welcome kit (It’s not as exclusive as it sounds, haha) that I ordered 2 months ago and will get here before the end of the year, as well as the season’s greetings around the holidays!!!!!! I got Hyuk’s this past year from Vixx. It was really hard to be having a bad day when I opened that box. I don’t think I have ever been so excited about a Christmas present before. This year I’m going to get Oneus’.
Look high at the sky The future is dazzling so bright It’s waiting for you, baby
There is so much to look forward to! I didn’t fully understand how much I enjoyed life until I escaped the giant cloud of stress and expectations I was stuck in. Everything is just a lot nicer now. It’s not better. Nothing has changed; I’m just enjoying life more now. Instead of focusing on what I should be doing better, I’m focusing on each day, and it’s very nice (One of my fav songs by seventeen).
[Insert Pre-Chorus and Chorus] Pain, Loneliness, and sadness Just for a moment You were the only one who saved me when I felt like I was tied up with a chain
I still have some days that are a bit of a bummer, but I don’t let them ruin my life anymore. I wanna be happy. I’m tired of being bummed out all the time, and there really is a lot to enjoy in life when you know where to look for it. Today it was the Oneus album my friend got me for my birthday. Now I’m looking forward to expanding my collections for Oneus and JBJ95. I don’t know why it makes me happy, but it does, and the why isn’t nearly as important as the what.
We can fly high, yeah The night sky has already changed so much So just enjoy it now
That’s the best advice I can give about life. Just enjoy it!! It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks; if you are safe and happy, nothing else matters. The most important question I’ve learned to ask myself is “what do I want?” not what should I want, not what does everyone else want me to want, but what do I, myself, want. We are the ones who have to live our lives, and so our opinion is the only one that truly matters. Even if I’m getting a late start, I’m looking forward to enjoying my life as it is right now.
At this moment, now Oh can you feel it right now Oh can you feel it right now Oh I can feel it right now
