Tag: healing

selective focus photo of brown and green frog

The Frog, The Water, And The Burnout

Posted on by LIBD

Like the title? I was inspired by Charlie Mackesy’s book. Before we start today post about dealing with burnout, I want to give a shoutout to my international readers. WordPress allows me to see which countries are viewing my content, and right now my top views are coming from some surprising places. Shout out to my readers in India and Singapore, thank you so much for checking out my blog and reading. Additional shoutouts (besides the US) go to the UK, Iraq, Cambodia, Myanmar, New Zealand, and Sweden. I hope my Google Translate plugin is doing a good job if you aren’t reading it in English. I appreciate all of you.

Today’s post is about a parable of sorts. It says that if you put a frog in boiling water, it will jump out. But if you put it in cool water and slowly turn up the temperature, it won’t notice the danger until it’s too late. I don’t know if it’s true. I’m an animal lover and not interested in testing the validity of the metaphor.

What I do know is that burnout is real, and that it doesn’t happen in a day. When things are going alright and you have a bad day, you know, “This is bad. I’m so stressed and overwhelmed.” When you are working working working 2 jobs and trying to make your blog/jewelry business successful, and don’t get a break, you don’t realize how not okay you are until it’s too late.

Then you find yourself unable to do anything because your brain and body are waving the white flag saying, “Please stop.” Then you can’t do anything. You have this list of all the things you know need to be done, but you can’t bring yourself to make anything happen. So, I just sat there feeling like a failure. I think, “If I can’t do my dishes, how am I ever going to go to Iceland?” It doesn’t really make sense, but it’s how I felt.

So, I did nothing for 2 days. I worked my short shifts at Subway and did nothing. Then suddenly I was like, “I’m going to put clothes away,” and I did! Then I said, “Maybe I can wash a few dishes,” and I did that too!! Then I showered, and I also washed my face!! Sometimes you just need rest. Sometimes, just like the frog, you don’t realize you are burnt out till it’s too late. It’s never too late to be kind to yourself though.

I also know that being kind to yourself is a lot easier said than done. So how do we start? Firstly, you have to allow yourself to do nothing guilt-free. It’s called rest, and it’s actually kind of fun if you can not feel guilty about it. Secondly, give yourself grace. Your problems aren’t going anywhere; they will wait for you. I promise. Lastly, try to forgive yourself for whatever you feel guilty for.

I’m so tired of feeling this way, but I can’t shake the guilt. I feel like if I could, I’d be doing so much better. Not to mention work has been a non-stop marathon the past 2 days, but no matter how much I get done, there is still more to do. And then I come home, and there is even more to do. There’s nowhere safe with no expectations. I have to make that space for myself, and I can’t do it.

I don’t know how to make a space with no expectations yet. I wish I did. What I do know is that I can’t keep pretending I don’t feel the heat. Maybe I don’t know how to jump out right now, but I’m not a frog, and life is not a pot of boiling water, so I have time. Time to keep trying, keep talking to my therapist, and keep trying to give myself grace.

Because that’s the only way out of the metaphorical boiling pot, and as long as I’m trying, there is hope. As long as you are still here, still showing up, and still doing the best with what you’ve got and what you know- there’s hope. Hope is what reminds us that there’s more to life than where we are right now.

Thanks again to all my readers. I really appreciate you, and I hope this post was able to encourage you even a little bit. I wish I had answers and an easy 3-step plan to get rid of burnout, but I don’t. All I can offer is hope, and I hope that is enough. Please leave a comment and let me know what you thought of this post. I would love to hear from you. Until next time, hang in there.

Sincerely,
LIBD

petaled flower drawing on white egg shell

Collateral Damage

Posted on by LIBD

Hey y’all. How’s it going? I’m a little bummed out right now. You know when Ravn had to leave Oneus? Something similar happened again recently. I feel like I might be cursed after all. Although it seemed silly to be devastated when Ravn left. If I was heartbroken, then I can’t imagine how he felt. Oneus meant a lot to me, and so do these people. I know however I’m feeling, it’s even worse for them.

At least I’ll still get to see them. I told them no one can get rid of me that easily. We didn’t see or hear from Raven for almost a year, and I think that made it worse because we didn’t even know if he was okay.

Is it wrong to be mad on behalf of another person? It’s not my problem, but it still affects me. There are lots of things in life like that. I saw a movie once that had this quote. I think it was called Herold and the Purple Crayon or something? The quote was something life, “Life isn’t something that just happens to you. It’s something you create”. I often feel like it’s just happening to me. Have you ever felt like that?

It’s easy to feel like God (or the universe) must hate me. Like, I can’t catch a break. But this situation made me realize something. It was the same thing that happened with Oneus. Tomoon weren’t the ones who got the short end of the stick. Ravn is the one who got screwed over. We were just collateral damage. We were the second-hand hurt that was the result of someone else’s misfortune. It’s like deja vu.

Ultimately, God (or the universe) isn’t going to ruin someone else’s life to punish me. He would come straight for me, and there wouldn’t be a shadow of a doubt about who was responsible for my misfortune. It would be personal – but that’s another thing I’ve realized. Oftentimes, things that I thought were God hating me or not caring were really just him helping me dodge a bullet. A not-so-gentle shove in a direction I didn’t know I was supposed to go.

Which brings me again to my main point. So, let’s talk about coping with collateral damage and how deal with the hurt that comes along with it. The answer is pretty simple. You have to find a way to make peace. Once you’ve cried it out, once you are done being angry, you have to make peace. Because no matter how hurt you are, it’s not personal. That doesn’t make it easy, but it’s something to work towards.

No matter how bad it sucks, you have the power to write the ending. The ending I wrote for Ravn is that I’m happy he’s happy, and they never told us whether or not the rumors were true, but he wouldn’t have been picked up by a subsidiary of RBW if the accusations were true. He’s making music, he found his happy ending, and that’s enough for me to try to let it go.

Anger may feel good, but it doesn’t heal. Acceptance and peace are what heal you, so I hope that whatever is going on in your life, you will write a happy ending. Once you are done being sad, choose peace. Thank you for reading this. Let me know your thoughts. Have you ever felt like collateral damage? Were you able to make peace with it? I would love to hear about it in the comments.

Life is hard, and sometimes it does feel like everything is against you. It’s a valid feeling; don’t ever think you are wrong for having feelings. They are something we can’t control; we just have to acknowledge and work through them. It’s not something that happens overnight, and the timeline is different for everyone.

I just wanted to throw that out there because it sounds so simple, but it’s anything but. I hope you are doing well. Till next time…

Sincerely,
LIBD

lemon photo on person s thigh

When Life gives you Lemons

Posted on by LIBD

Hello again. How are you? It should be well into summer here by the time this gets posted. I’m doing better. I’m the proud owner of my mom’s old car, so that’s exciting. I had to get my own car insurance, which was an experience. Still no luck in finding a new place though, so it looks like I’ll be staying with my dad for longer than I hoped.

It’s so weird going from constantly walking on eggshells at my mom’s house just waiting to be yelled out for stupid stuff to just living my life. I keep waiting for them to get mad at me for something, so it’s going to take a while, I think, for me to stop being so on edge all the time.

I’m returning to Subway a few days a week to earn extra money to save up. Never thought I would be a 2-job kind of person, but when life gives you lemons…. Oh look, I magically managed to perfectly segway into today’s post. Let’s get to it then, shall we? Many of you are probably familiar with the phrase, ‘When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.’ Others might prefer one of my favorites, ‘When life gives you lemons, throw them at people,’ but I’m here to talk about a phrase you likely haven’t heard.

If you are one of my regular readers, you may remember I’m going to see AJR in June. I wrote a Music Monday a few years ago for their song 100 bad days. I could write about many of their songs, and maybe I will…. But today, I am referencing a line in the pre-chorus of their song ‘Break My Face.’ I’ll post the song at the bottom; it’s a real gem. The line is pretty simple. It says

"What doesn't kill you
Makes you ugly
Life gives you lemons
At least it gave you something."

I love this because I’m tired of hearing that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. It may be true, but I don’t feel stronger right now. I feel ugly. And that may not be true, but it makes me smile. Now, let’s get into the second half. This is so true. If life gives you lemons, you can decide for yourself if you want to make lemonade or just throw them at people. But at least you have lemons.

Lemon also tastes really good on roasted broccoli; mix it with some lemon juice and lemon zest, and you’ve got something good. But you could be stuck eating plain, boring roasted broccoli or just water, or you may not have anything to throw at people.

Life has given me A LOT, and I mean A LOT of lemons. Like if you need lemons let me know, I got you. At first, I wasn’t sure what to do. I knew I was NOT in the mood to make lemonade, and I’m not one to throw things at people. But at least I had something, and it took me a bit to realize it. My entire life became a massive trainwreck, and I felt so hopeless. Lately, I’ve realized I need to just be grateful that at least I have lemons.

A long time ago, I talked about a Korean drama I watched. One of the quotes I shared at the end was something like, “There is no comfort in knowing things could have been worse. Misfortune is just unfortunate.” That may have been true in the beginning, but eventually, there needs to come a time when you have to be grateful you’ve got lemons. It could have been worse.

My dad and his wife didn’t have to let me live with them or help me get my own car and insurance. There are some parents who aren’t that nice. The ladies at my church didn’t have to help me box up all my stuff when I was too upset to even think about boxing it up. When I had a major meltdown, my dad didn’t have to drop what he was doing to come pick me up and take me out to lunch. We didn’t leave the restaurant until we made a plan, and I no longer felt like my life was spiraling out of control.

This song and another song of theirs (Steve’s Going to London) can almost always cheer me up because they are just random and ridiculous in the best way. But we are talking about this one, so I will go ahead and share the Chorus.

Okay, so if I break my face
And I don't look so great
My face is just my face
Okay, so if I break my face
It ain't my darkest day
My face is just my face
I'm okay

Now, remember it’s taken me about a month to get to this point where I genuinely feel this way. When shit happens, it’s totally normal to feel hopeless or pessimistic. It’s actually very important to allow yourself to feel this way. During my meltdown, I remember the lady from my church who was there with me telling me to go ahead and feel however it was that I felt.

Only by acknowledging those feelings can we begin to heal; even then, it’s much easier said than done. Sometimes, it feels like life comes along and punches you in the face, but modern medicine has come a long way. I may be ugly now, but my face will heal, and then I’ll start washing it again. After a while, it will look even better than it did before. Plus, life gave me lemons, so at least it gave me something.

It’s not like when someone dies. No number of lemons is going to bring them back, but no one died, so I’m sure it’s not my darkest day. After all, my face is just my face, I’m not dead, and this is not going to permanently disfigure me, so while it may be scary and uncomfortable…. I think I’ll be okay. I might feel bad again, and that’s okay. Bad things that may not seem like a big thing to someone else can still be traumatic to the person experiencing it. And trauma takes time to heal.

Thank you for reading, and remember, this is just my perspective on what I’m going through in life. If you can’t relate, then I’m sorry I couldn’t be of more help, but that’s fine. Misfortune is unfortunate, and it’s important to process all our emotions, good and bad, before we can start healing. Also, don’t be afraid to ask for help because you have people in your life who want to help. It may not seem like it, but it’s true, and I would not have made it this far without all the people who have helped and supported me through this.

Remember, I’m always cheering for you, and I’ll see you in a few weeks. They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, but I don’t believe that. I think we are all stronger than we can possibly imagine. We just have to believe in ourselves and remember how much we already have overcome when we didn’t think we could.

Sincerely,
LIBD

macro photography of red rose

Healing

Posted on by LIBD

Hey guys!! I’m finally back! If you follow me on Twitter, you will know that Oneus got 4 wins!!! I wanted to make them cry, and we did, lol. Now they have a total of five. The Music Bank win was emotional for all of us. I don’t think there was a dry eye among Oneus or Tomoons. Anyway, even more, exciting K-pop news… The Rose is back!!!!!!! After a long, long time, they are back with a light stick, a tour, and a brand-new album!!!! Y’all, this album……. Damn. It’s soo good, guys, literally soooooo good. I listened to it all day the day it came out over and over and over again. If you haven’t figured it out by now, this post will be about their new album, so I would like to dedicate this post to them.

For the longest time, I thought if I could just get my life together, then everything would be okay. Once I got a job and my license and learned how to make phone calls without having a panic attack, I thought that would solve everything. I even buy my own groceries, just like a real adult. Which is why I think I was feeling so depressed. I had marked off my entire to-do list, but nothing changed; I still wasn’t happy. That magic feeling that I was hoping to feel never came.

The day the album was released, I started listening to it right away. The title of the album is Heal. I cried a bit; the lyrics were so honest and comforting. I’ve always said their music feels like a warm hug, but it was especially true with this album. I could quote 2 paragraphs worth of song lyrics like I did on Twitter the other day, but I won’t. Which means you will have to go listen to all the songs yourself. There was one song I kept coming back to, and it was their song, Cure. The one part I just couldn’t get out of my head goes…

"I just wanna feel the world
Around me more and more
Cause everybody fears the one
The one thing they can't cure
Just tear the page
Spoken parts
Broken pieces of our hearts
To find a way to heal the world
Without a single word
Recover us"

It reminded me of a line from another song that I realized is no longer stuck in my head now that all these new songs have taken up residence. It was a line from the song ‘All our Lives’ by Andrew McMahon. It says,

“There are only two mistakes that I have made. It’s running from the people who could love me the best and trying to fix a world that I can’t change.”

All our Lives

I wanted to fix my life. I tried to fix everything around me, hoping it could fix everything inside of me. I thought if I could just get my life together, then I would be better, but that isn’t how it works.

No amount of outward success can heal me on the inside. I think that’s where healing starts; the inside. You can stand under an umbrella, but it’s not going to make the rain disappear. Healing is tricky though. It’s hard accepting your mistakes, forgiving yourself, and learning to love the person I am. A person whom, by the way, I’ve been at odds with for my entire life. Part of it is that I don’t know how to forgive myself. I don’t know how to make peace with myself and appreciate myself as I am. Someone close to me just told me that I don’t care enough about other people and only put myself first. My friends assured me they were being ridiculous, but they weren’t totally wrong. I am self-centered. When I go out of my way to do stuff for other people, it’s exhausting. I’m not good enough to be proud of myself.

I feel so stupid when I make the littlest mistakes. I’m so good at giving advice and so bad at taking it. These are the things I’m talking about though. Even if I have a fantastic job, get married, and have my own house. None of that is going to fix the storm going on within me. I want to like myself. I want to not be so critical and hard on myself. There’s a part in another song on the album called Time, which goes like this…

Time will heal us
Oh, know the healing won't be overnight
Countless nights crying over mights
Oh yeah, know the healing will take time
Start dealing with it now.

That’s why I want to start dealing with it now. I need to make peace with myself if I want to be the best I can be. It might take time, but I’ve got the part about countless nights of crying down, so I guess that’s a good start? I ordered their album. I hope they included a step-by-step guide to healing. It’s funny that the girl who spent the last 4 years in therapy doesn’t know how to heal herself. Maybe I’ll ask a psychiatrist at the next appt. It’s getting late though, so I better get some sleep.

Also, I’m going to try to get started on the next series soon. I’ve got a plan; I just need to start writing, so keep an eye out for that. I hope you enjoyed this, and please listen to their album and pay attention to the lyrics. I hope it can comfort any of you who may be struggling just like it did for me. I hope you all are well, but that’s okay even if you aren’t. I’ll be here cheering for you, so let’s all do our best this week. I would like to point out that I didn’t tell you to have a good week; I said let’s do our best. That means even if your week isn’t good, it doesn’t have to be bad, either.

That was very cryptic, I know. Thank you so much for reading. Please like, subscribe, or leave a comment. I know I say I’m not nice, but that’s just because I know a lot of nice people. I also know a lot of not-nice people, and I promise I’m not that bad. Also, I’m shallow like a kiddy pool, so comments are almost as exciting as receiving a surprise gift.

Sincerely,
LIBD