What a title, am I right? I can’t take full credit for this post. It’s about a conversation I had one afternoon when I stopped by church to talk to the pastor. I think he was about to leave when I got there, but then I made him listen to me complain for 10-20 minutes. I walked out with some solid advice though, so I called it a win.
I was talking about how people always tell me to be kind to myself, do my best, and so on. I really hope I haven’t been doing my best though. That would be incredibly disheartening. He told me he had once heard somewhere to give 100% of whatever percent you have. I’m hoping to write another series about depression soon, just to help readers who have never experienced it understand it better.
When you are depressed, your brain isn’t functioning at 100%; in fact, some days it may not even be functioning at 10%. On those days, it’s unrealistic to aim for 100 if you’ve only got 10, so on those days you got to aim for 100 percent of whatever you’ve still got.
When he explained it like that, I was like, “Oh, that’s what they meant”. Because I gather that’s what everyone had been trying to tell me all along. It’s like how I always say, you just have to do the best with what you know, and when you know better you can do better. You also have to do the best with what you have, and when you have more, you can do more.
So, if you only have 1% to get through the day, then just get through the day. One affirmation I like, but don’t say enough, is “my worth as a human being has nothing to do with what I do or don’t accomplish”. It’s so easy to say the words, though you know. It’s much harder to actually follow through. That just takes time.
I didn’t become my own worst enemy overnight, so it only makes sense that it will take time to be my own best friend. It’s hard though when the mean voice in my head is telling me bad things, even if I know they aren’t true. That was the other thing he told me. How to deal with the mean voice.
Apparently, there’s someone on TikTok I think he said, that referred to that voice as…. well, I call mine Regina (like from Mean Girls). One night I was crying about how I’m a failure then I stopped and said, “That’s not me. That’s not me that’s Regina being a bitch. Don’t let her bully you.” And it worked!
I’m a natural perfectionist which isn’t a great personality trait for someone who’s not perfect. I’m trying harder though. I’m trying to allow myself to “slack off” more when I’m tired or exhausted or just not feeling good. I’m trying to remember feeling like a failure doesn’t mean I am one; just means I’m human which is a perfectly acceptable personality trait for an imperfect person like me.
Thank you for reading. I know it was short and sweet, but I only had 30% to write this with, so you’re going to have to make do. What do you think? Is this something you struggle with as well? Let me know in the comments. I love hearing others’ perspectives on things. I’ll see you soon for my next Iceland post, but in the meantime, I hope you will allow yourself to be content with whatever percent you have to offer.
Sincerely,
LIBD
